Togher A.C 5K 2022

1. Definition of Insanity

I think that doing two races in two days isn’t as “crazy/mad/idiotic” as it used to be, magic shoes have almost made it sensible. Despite the magic shoes it is still utterly pointless as nothing will be achieved in the second race other than hopefully getting through it in one piece.

2. Suboptimal Conditions

I think that as cold and horrible it was in Clonmel, Togher was level 9 winter misery. It was almost dark, incredibly grey, cold and wet even though it didn’t appear to be obviously raining. These Christmas races are incredibly unlucky with the weather as if they were on at any other time of the year they would be the best races of the year.

3. Risk Assessment

I think that the warm up for a race when you have done a race the day before is very important. It’s not really a warm up more of risk assessment on niggles that could potentially turn into injuries. On the jog up to the remarkable efficient number collection at the community centre I felt surprisingly normal, just the usual pains and aches of a 36 year old man. Mostly the pains reside in my right knee and old stress fracture sites, especially when it’s cold. There were no new pains which meant the risk of running the race was low-medium which is like a greeny-amber colour which means drive on.

4. Shimozzle

I think that the start of this race was great fun. It started outside the SuperValu just up from the Lough, I hadn’t really looked at the course map so it was all new to me. There was an interesting ninety degree right turn a few hundred metres after the start. The problem/great thing with a turn so close to the start is that everyone wants to get to the corner first. I was never at risk but there were a few fast starting juvenile North Cork athletes that could have been in danger. Owing to my agility and nimbleness I avoided any trouble before receiving an Anne Marie McGlynn style elbow from Aoife Cooke which was entirely unnecessary.

5. Cautious Conor

I think that it was a good idea to follow Conor for the first mile of the race. He is a very sensible man, possibly the most sensible man in the race. A lot of people went off very, very, very fast which from my experience will take about 12 years to learn is a bad idea. After about 500m I followed Conor as we overtook 4 or 5 fast starters before settling into our likely finishing positions plus or minus a few.

6. Excellent Corners

I think that the corners make this race great. It is a fabulous route. Very imaginative, sort of like a Raheny 5 just with the correct distance and 5k instead of 5 miles. Even the grey concrete looks the same as in Dublin. I love all the right angle turns they are perfect for running, nothing too tight and never too close together. They definitely make the race go by quicker.

7. Nutrition vs Pharmacy

I think that it was good to race some new people today. After about 3k, Conor’s sensible pace became foolish to me so I dropped back. I feared that I was about to be swallowed by a huge pack of runners but only Ben came flying by in a UCC singlet. I tried to beat him because he is also a podcast superstar like me but it quickly became clear that he was far better than me.

8. The Forgotten Fourth Kilometre

I think that the fourth kilometer of a 5k is the most important, I have no memory of what happened in the 4th kilometer other than it was very wet and very grey and Ben and Conor started to get further away. I think that if I had concentrated properly during the 4th kilometer I might have gotten under the magic 16 minute barrier which is all that really matters when you are running a 5k.

9. Kieran McKeowns

I think that there must have been about seven Kieran McKeowns on the course today. He seemed to be everywhere, perhaps there are just lots of people who look like Kieran McKeown in Togher, he was definitely at six of the twelve corners. With about 800m to go he made his final appearance to tell me that Aoife and her gang were 50m back. This made me very worried as I could hear footsteps. Then I heard “Well Done Brian”, who’s Brian I thought, I don’t normally race Brians, then I remembered who Brian is.

10. Kerryman

I think that I did very well to hold off Brian Murphy over the last few 100m, he must be very disappointed as I’m absolutely terrible in the last few 100m of a 5k and normally anyone in sight of me beats me. I will take it as a victory over Michael Herlihy too as Brian beat him in the cross country so that’s positive. It was great fun and I didn’t get injured. Don’t worry the injury will probably happen soon.

Clonmel A.C 4 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Clonmel A.C 4 Mile 2022

1. Where it All Started

I think that this race in 2015 was the reason I started going to Spain after Christmas. It has taken me 7 years to recover from how cold and wet it was that day. You could see the cold in the photos that’s how bad it was.

2. ParkRun + Goal Mile

I think that Christmas Day is a lot better when you can leave the house to go running. I spent Christmas morning pushing Billy around the Glen like a maniac (according to Tobi) with a Santa hat on followed by a goal mile at CIT where I got destroyed on the last lap by two young fellas. It was a very good morning.

3. Fake Sun

I think that there is something terrible about the sun in Ireland in December. It is horrible, it blinds you but provides no heat and no benefit other than permitting sunglasses to be worn in a race. I hadn’t worn my excellent orange sunglasses in ages.

4. Blueway

I think that I might have to go back to Clonmel for a normal run. It looks like a great place to train, a lovely path along the river that the signposts say goes all the way to Carrick on Suir with Font Romeuesque mountain trails looking down the town. No wonder there are so many good runners from Clonmel.

5. Green Light Indicates Satellites are Secured

I think that I will have to get a new watch or just stop wearing it in races. I thought the days of not being able to find satellites ended with the old Garmin 305 square watch. At the start my relatively new Garmin Forerunner 945 couldn’t find the Clonmel satellites. It didn’t look like it was going to find them in time for the start so I prepared myself for the worst and accepted that this race wouldn’t end up on Strava. Then just as the race started the watch went green indicating satellites have been secured so I pressed start and started running, then the screen went blank. I spent the first 400m of the race looking at the watch pressing buttons until the screen came back to life after pressing the lap button. I should have just dropped out.

6. Third Group

I think that I was lucky I didn’t fall while troubleshooting the watch issues. It’s amazing how far and fast you can run while not actually looking where you are going. Its a skill that I have probably developed from walking around town scrolling through Twitter. When I looked up and stopped looking at the watch after about 400m I saw that I was just off the back of the third group led by Cillian O’Leary. This was acceptable so I tried to stay with them.

7. The Bridge

I think that I did well to get to the bridge at two miles in the third group. I felt terrible, the sort of feeling that makes you question why you bothered, it is interesting how some running days are just terrible. An unusual combination of a long sleeve and a pair of orange sunglasses was probably reflective of my level of motivation, neither interested nor disinterested, neither happy nor unhappy.

8. Fast and Flat

I think that this must be one the nicest courses in Munster. It’s perfectly flat in that it’s not totally flat, it’s nicely flat, there are some nice little short bumps and a few bends to keep it interesting. The only thing that is a little annoying are all the noisy non-electric cars on the road on the way back to Clonmel. It might be nicer to come back along the Blueway after the bridge but I don’t know how that would work with the dog walkers and cyclists.

9. Wind

I think that there should be a name for the wind that we encountered once we turned left after the bridge. It was both cold and persistent, no gusts, just relentlessly resisting our attempts to return to Clonmel as quickly as possible. I thought I’d be clever and tuck in behind Cillian and his gang but with about a mile to go just as we passed David Mansfield I was eliminated from the group and left to go solo into the wind which was hopeless especially with a long sleeve t-shirt under my singlet.

10. The Final Turn

I think that Susan was right to warn about the finish being left around the corner. It is an unusual finish sort of like the race in Spain where I beat John O’Connell because he thought the finish was before it really was. Unfortunately in Clonmel I was on my own and my course knowledge was useless other than for ensuring that the time on Strava was faster than it would otherwise have been. It’s a great race, if only it was on in Spain or maybe May.

Munster Masters XC 2022

10 Things I Think About The Munster Masters XC

1. Badness

I think that you don’t have a problem when you know what you are doing is wrong. I know that I should recover properly from the marathon so that I can get even more excellent. I would love to have the patience to try and become even more excellent, but it seems like a miserable existence. I try not to think of the marathon as anything special as it is just an invented concept that your body has no knowledge of. If there is no obvious badness after the marathon sure why wouldn’t you be fine to race again. Magic shoes and limited alcohol definitely help to reduce the amount of debadification required.

2. Freezing Fog

I think that this is the first race that I have run in freezing fog. It was terrible to come back to this awful cold place after a few days in wonderful Spain where it is warm and there is no ice unless you deliberately want to have ice and go up the mountains. Freezing fog is very atmospheric to run in, if it wasn’t so cold it would be a great addition to any race.

3. Course Check

I think that Clarecastle might be my favourite venue for cross country. It is an acceptable distance from Cork and for some reason the course seems to agree with me. I have beaten many people in this field, for example Conor McCauley even though he claims not to remember the beating. Clarecastle is one of those courses that gets very mucky, I wasn’t sure what it would be like in freezing fog, it turned out that it was a lot like the course in Donegal, sort of like a soft carpet with short portions of muck, perfect for Dragonflys.

4. Dragonflys in the Field

I think that Dragonflys are the best thing that has happened to cross country. I have always been in favour of them, they are excellent shoes, probably the most comfortable spikes ever, they don’t even feel like spikes. Nike are even bringing out a XC specific Dragonfly now which will have the triangular cone shaped spikes. I tried to put my current triangular cone shaped spikes onto my track Dragonflys but they don’t fit so I had to go with regular 9 mm spikes.

5. The Old Grey Whistle/Gun Test

I think that the start of this race was very unfair. There were a lot of runners in the race because the Munster Intermediate was being run at the same time as the Munster Old Man race. The starter had both a whistle and a gun which was slightly confusing as either is an accepted starting method. He waved the whistle at us as he backed away which made me think the gun was broken and he was going to use the whistle which is normally used for giving out. Then he tried to fire the gun but it didn’t go off so we had to regroup. Then again he tried the gun but it didn’t work, then the gun worked so we were off, myself and Michael Herlihy were badly delayed as we weren’t anticipating the third successful firing of the gun.

6. Helly Hansen

I think that running with a t-shirt under your singlet is normally a sign of a lack of interest. When it is actually freezing like it was in Clarecastle a long sleeve under your singlet is essential. There should be a rule about the colour of the longsleeve, it should be colour co-odinated with the singlet otherwise the photos will look terrible on Instagram. I choose a black Helly Hansen top that I have had since 2010 when it was cold last and I had to use YakTraks to run.

7. Chesser Checks Out

I think that Rory Chesser nearly won the race on the first lap. Because of the dodgy start myself and Michael Herlihy lost about 50m on the bunch of Intermediate and Old Men at the start. I deliberately took it somewhat handy for the first kilometer as I wasn’t sure how my body would react to the race. After a kilometer which was also a lap I felt totally unbad so I picked it up a bit and dispatched Michael Herlihy and moved up into third a good bit behind Rory Chesser and a little bit behind Kenny Rodgers.

8. The Gambler

I think that Kenny Rodgers tactics for the race were very interesting. After three of the seven one kilometre laps Rory Chesser had a good gap on myself and Kenny. Listening to his breathing I didn’t think that Kenny was going to be able to bridge the gap up to Rory but slowly but surely or quickly and certainly, I can’t quite remember, I was dropped and Kenny caught Rory. I was left in third happy enough to be without sight or sound of Michael Herlihy.

9. Herlihy vs Murphy

I think that Brian Murphy did me a big favour today by distracting Michael Herlihy. Seven one-kilometre laps is a lot of laps to be worried about being caught by a resurgent terminator like Michael Herlihy. Thankfully Brian Murphy was keeping him busy so I was left alone in third to concentrate on looking excellent for the photos in the fog. The problem with a one kilometer lap and effectively two races in one was that lapped runners became an issue for the last two laps, combined with the freezing fog it must have been great fun trying to figure out who was who.

10. Confirmation

I think that no matter where I am in a race I will always be afraid that I will be confused with a lapped runner and sent off for another lap like keeps happening in the National 10k on the track. Thankfully the stewards did an excellent job counting the chaos and at the end of seven laps I was sent into the finishing chute in third behind Rory who had been overhauled by Kenny Rodgers. I had time to feel the ice that had formed in my hair before turning around to see Brian Murphy storm in just ahead of Michael Herlihy. 15 seconds was the gap, which is similar to the gap between our marathon times.

Photo: Steve O'Sullivan

Valencia Marathon 2022

10 Things I Think About The Valencia Marathon 2022

1. I Have a Dream

I think that it is very important to have goals in life. Goals provide motivation and reasons to run when it is cold, wet and windy in November and you’d rather sit in the car and pick the dirt from the grooves of the car key than go out and run 10 miles. My main goal for the last few years has been to torment Michael Herlihy by running a faster marathon than him. 2:30:25. It has been my primary motivation for at least six years.

2. Preparation

I think that I did excellent training for the marathon. The most important thing when training for a marathon is to believe that your training is the best training and that what everyone else is doing is wrong, you must have total faith and belief. My training plan involved 5k reps and lots of racing. What is far more important than any training is picking a nice flat marathon in a nice cold calm place like Valencia in December.

3. Billy’s Race

I think that more races should have races for two-year-olds before the main event like what they do in Valencia. Billy’s Mini Maratón took place on a road parallel to the finish of the marathon on a 300m loop. The baby race had more loud music than the actual marathon and had an equally chaotic start. Billy was almost disqualified on the starting line for removing his race number and flinging it on the ground in protest at the dilly dallying, luckily the steward realized that it was pointless trying to pin it back on, so we were allowed run with me holding his number. A 300m race is a long way for a two-year-old, he started well, got to the halfway cone comfortably, had a bit of a stutter near the finish line but finished strongly in about 14th. A good debut.

4. Boxes

I think that it was great that the organizers put the runners into boxes just like I do. The start was arranged into boxes based on previous marathon times. The boxes were quite large, possibly based on the opinion of a Spanish Michael Herlihy type figure. There was Box 1 which had proper runners under 2:20. Then I was in Box 2 which was everyone who had run under 2:50 previously. The boxes were very easy to access, easier than Berlin and Seville. I was staying on the street the marathon started on, so I went from the apartment to my box in 3 minutes, ideal, perfect.

5. Penguins

I think that there were too many good runners in this marathon. Because I was staying so close to the start I was late getting to the start. When I got to my box 15 minutes before the start it was very full of people who could run under 2:50 for the marathon. I didn’t bother pushing up into the box because I assumed it would go out fast it being box 2. It didn’t, when the race went off after less fussing and music than there was in Billy’s race there were just too many runners for the width of the road. After 3k it was like being in a pack of penguins waddling along. You could feel the heat of the pack of runners, it was horrible and there was nothing I could do except try not to get stressed. I was very patient until 3k, then I started slaloming and elbowing like it was a cross country race. Once I got to 10k it was nice, still people everywhere but moving nicely according to my watch.

6. One Faced Liar

I think that I might run the next marathon off the km split signs. The GPS just doesn’t work. No wonder everyone was running PBs in those virtual races during lockdown, it’s minutes off. My watch was telling me I was great all race, miles under tormenting Michael Herlihy (TMH) pace. It was only when I got to the halfway mark that I realized that I was only barely under TMH pace. 1:14:58, not much time in the bank.

7. Entourage

I think that it is a good idea to bring someone with you to these marathons to hand out bottles. We were very professional and even rehearsed the bottle handoffs at the 16k, 25k and 30k points on the course the day before, this was mainly because we were terrified that we would mess up Tim O'Donoghue’s race by not getting him his bottles. The bottle handoffs were executed perfectly by Tim and Rhona. I also had one gel up my sleeve in my decathlon arm warmers and two gels in my shorts so six overall which is a lot. I have always believed in the importance of gels and water.

8. YouTubers and Irish People

I think that every youtuber in the world must have been running in Valencia. They were all over the place, it was a good way to pass the race trying to spot them. I ended up chatting to a less well-known YouTube shoe reviewer Nick Harris Fry who was on about the same pace, he was very nice and didn’t try to sell me anything. The other game I played was spot the Irish person. I only spotted two, David Callaghan from Tallaght and Brian Lenihan from Blackrock. I beat them both, I didn’t beat the YouTuber.

9. Waiting for Something

I think that I was too happy with tormenting Michael Herlihy. Marathons are waiting games, you keep running at a predefined pace waiting for something to go wrong. Valencia was very unusual as absolutely nothing went wrong, nothing, no stomach issues, no niggles, plenty of gels, perfect 12-degree weather, no wind, excellent magic shoes it was almost too good. Despite the absence of problems, I was terrified of pushing beyond my practiced tormenting Michael Herlihy pace for fear that I would blow up so I kept waiting until the last kilometer.

10. 2:30 for 2:30

I think that it is a horrible feeling when you realize that you are going to miss a sub 2:30 marathon. I only realized when I saw the 800m to go sign. I looked at my watch and it said 2:27:30. 2:30 to get under 2:30. Impossible, 5-minute mile pace. I tried anyway, aided significantly by the downhill bouncy blue mat. When I got onto flat but still bouncy blue mat to the finish, I looked at my watch and smiled. The tormenting of Michael Herlihy had been completed. 2:30:14. The sub 2:30 can wait for another day. It would have been a shame to have no goals left in running.