Streets of Portlaoise 5k 2018 (Kia Series)

10 Things I Think About The Streets of Portlaoise 5k

1. Andre Agassi

I think it’s great that athletics has a new sponsor. The last time I saw Kia sponsoring something was Andre Agassi advertising the Kia Sportage on Eurosport during the tennis. Personally I don’t like Kias as they generally have a seat to wheel ratio that exceeds one. This is a sign of a bad car as it means you use it to transport children. I won’t ever buy a Kia. Other people should though.

2. Just Another Dublin Suburb

Portlaoise, it’s not exactly Seville is it? Maybe it was the grey weather, but it reminded me of a big Carrigtwohill. It has a nice hotel though, sort of like if you moved Fota into the centre of Carrigtwohill without applying for planning permission.

3. Spitjack

I think the pre-race meal in Spitjack last night with my two sisters was good preparation. It’s only taken 25 years but we can now sit down for a few hours and not fight even once. It’s amazing. It’s kind of boring.

4. Tower of No Power

My tower of power was bananaless this morning. I forgot to buy bananas. John had bananas but he lets them go overripe before eating them because he’s from Cullen and they’re different up there so I couldn’t even steal them. Instead I made a tower of no power. It was just rice cakes and peanut butter, just not the same. I drank 5 nespressos to compensate.

5. The Right Number of Miles

I don’t think there is a right number of miles to run. No matter how many miles I run I seem to be running too many miles. Someday I’ll run the right number of miles per week and people will be happy. I think the right number is n, where n is the number of miles that the person you are talking is running that week or ran when they were running. I’ve run 70 this week, it’s still not right.

6. Mahabis Man

I think Ronán is the only man to ever have turned up to a 5k in a pair of slippers. I had to lone him a pair of size 12 Brooks Ghosts so that Aishling could walk around with him. I have many pairs of shoes in the boot of my Volkswagen so he was never at risk of walking around Portlaoise in a pair of slippers. He couldn’t run in the Ghosts but at least he looked less ridiculous.

7. Lobsters Wear Sunglasses

I like the 12 rules, standing up straight with your shoulders straight is a good rule. It’s very important when you’re wearing a pair of €5 sunglasses you bought off a hawker in Barcelona. If you look confident you can pull anything off, well you think you can which is all that matters anyway. Mick Clohisshey was wearing sunglasses too, perhaps he’s also a lobster.

8. C’mon Ya Bollix

I had to beat Claire today. I did. She’s amazing but I had to beat her today. I did. I’m sorry Claire. We’re still friends right?

9. Ichigo Ichie

I think each 5k race is different, you could run a 5k race every day and it would be different everyday. It’s always horrible but some days it’s less horrible and some days it’s more horrible. Today was very horrible which is good. I love 5ks, especially when they’re over, they’re really horrible.

10. The Wind Up

I had the perfect view of the end of the women’s race. It was like being on the moto following the end of a stage of the Tour De France. Kerry and Shona came up onto my shoulder at the 4K mark, then Kerry launched the most vicious kick, it was really impressive considering the equally vicious headwind. Shona followed, I didn’t, they continued to weave over and across the road until eventually the elastic snapped and Shona was cut free. I caught Shona before the line but Kerry was gone. A great race to see, Kia must be happy.