Coolagown 10k

10 Things I Think About The Coolagown 10k

1. Unlikely Treble

I think that it was always going to be a big ask to win three races in row. The main problem I have with winning races is that I am relying on lots of other moderately good runners like me taking running seriously. Thankfully due to the last two years lots of moderately good runners like me prefer sessions to races as they have realized that this is how you improve. I prefer continuous races.

2. School Football Matches

I think that it was very cruel of Kieran McKeown to tell me that John Meade was too tired after being at two school football matches. I kind of believed him after last weeks feeble excuse. The thought entered my mind that perhaps he was put off by my course record in the Doneraile 10k and my third slowest winning time ever in the Donoughmore 7 and was actually afraid of me.

3. There He Is

I think that Coolagown is one of the most likely places for John Meade to turn up to a race. They might as well have had “Coolagown welcomes John Meade” signs up. Sure enough Kieran McKeown was only winding me up and there was John Meade looking fresh and well tapered, probably after undergoing a special reconnaissance of the course with the chief race organiser.

4. Rollercoaster

I think that Coolagown is a proper 10k course. You know you are in trouble when you get flashbacks of Donoughmore driving up into the village. It is essentially the Donoughmore 7 only 10k and not at altitude. Just under three miles gently downhill, just over three miles very uphill and 200m very downhill.

5. Would The Real Nick O'Donoghue Please Stand Up

I think that I must look very like Nick O'Donoghue. The race organisers had the great idea of having a fella in the lead car doing commentary. I love commentary on races, it makes it feel like a proper race. Once we got going the man in the van started calling out the leaders, of course he knew John Meade and Kieran McKeown but for some reason he thought I was Nick O'Donoghue. Not Tim, Nick. Perhaps it was the beard and the perpetual smell of coffee off me. Nick O'Donoghue lead all the way to the bottom of the hill at three miles.

6. Tactics

I think that I had no real hope of beating John Meade on that course. Once we reached the part of the course where the downhill kind of petered out and the uphill sort of gradually commenced the man in the van announced that John Meade had overtaken Nick O'Donoghue and opened a big gap. This seemed to delight the commentator for some reason.

7. Kieran McKeown in Third

I think that it was very unfair of the man in the van to keep repeating the same thing over and over again. “John Meade leading comfortably, Nick O'Donoghue in second, Kieran McKeown in third”. This made me very worried as if he could see Kieran McKeown from the van it meant he was very close to me.

8. Well Done John

I think that my favourite part of the race was at five miles as we turned right back onto the semi major road. John Meade was right behind the lead car most likely getting a favorable draft. As the car made the turn right the man in the van doing the commentary said “Well Done John”. I knew this meant that the game was up and that John Meade had won. They might as well have handed him the white envelope out of the back of the van so that he could run straight through the line and back to the car to go to bed early to be up for school in the morning.

9. Metamorphosis

I think that it was almost a pity that someone told the man in the van that I was not Nick O'Donoghue but in fact Donal Coakley. I don’t know who told him but it took him five miles to find out by which time I was wondering if I was in fact Nick O'Donoghue

10. And Well He Knows It

I think that as much as the man in the van was a fan of John Meade the commentator at the finish line was a super fan. “Blistering Pace by John Meade” “At least 100m ahead” “He would have to break both legs not to win” “It’s going to be a record and he knows it” “The man of the moment”. Then a good bit after John Meade I arrived in second place to “And second man home tonight, here comes number 19”. At least it wasn’t Nick O'Donoghue.

Donoughmore 7 2022

10 Things I Think About The Donoughmore 7 Mile

1. Kia Series

I think that it would have been a lot easier if the Donoughmore 7 was part of the Kia Series. It would have saved Lizzie tormenting me to run Dunshaughlin on Saturday to make up a team. No one wants to go to Meath of a Saturday evening. Donoughmore on a sunny Thursday night is far more appealing with far more history.

2. Stuake

I think that Stuake is to Donoughmore what Anglesboro is to Kilbehenny. I feel at home in places like Donoughmore, up on the top of a hill miles from anywhere with roads that would be wonderful for running if it wasn’t for dangerous dogs and even more dangerous drivers. If diesel and petrol become so expensive that people can’t drive anymore Donoughmore will be the place to live.

3. Pink T-Shirts

I think that more races should have pink t-shirts. The ones for the Donoughmore 7 were wonderful, a lovely shade of pink, although to cater for the more conservative dressers they had other options like blue and white. There is no point in a race t-shirt unless it is a little different, why would anyone want another blue or white t-shirt?

4. School Sports Day

I think that school sports days are great. It is because of a school sports day that John Meade didn’t turn up in Donoughmore. I even offered him a lift to the race but he was too tired. Perhaps he was afraid that I would beat him, although I can imagine no worse course on which to race John Meade than the Donoughmore 7, it is almost custom made for him.

5. Wrong Way

I think that after saving the BHAA 5k from going the wrong way on Wednesday night it was embarrassing to nearly send the race the wrong way in Donoughmore. The start of the race is very uphill so we were altogether in a big group going through Stuake. Because it had been three years since I ran the route I forgot that it goes straight on up the hill by the church and instead I went left down past the church. Only for Kieran McKeown shouting at me I was gone the wrong way.

6. The Breakaway

I think that I have learnt much better tactics over the years. My tactics for this race were excellent, possibly the best ever, I stayed with the group for the first mile and a half until we got to the top of the hill and began the wonderful downhill section. Just before we got to the top of the hill I picked it up over the top like Nibali in the Giro after a rest day and went as fast as I could down the descent.

7. Buffer Zone

I think that I knew that I needed to get a gap of at least 30 seconds on the flat downhill three miles to allow for the inevitable time loss due to my relative hugeness and inability to run uphill at any speed. I put everything I had into those lovely wonderful 3 miles, the first two were beautiful, then for the third mile I had to contend with fresh tar and chippings which definitely slowed down my magic shoes. I couldn’t hear anyone by the time I got to the left hand turn up the hill which was both excellent and terrifying.

8. The Slowest Ever Winner

I think that I spent most of the first uphill mile wondering if it was worse to win the historic Donoughmore 7 race in the slowest ever time or to be caught for 30 seconds in two miles and finish second. I felt like I was moving so slowly up the hill which I was. I looked at my watch which offered no solace as the average pace had dropped nearly 5 seconds a mile in one mile which is lots. I started thinking about the abuse I’d get from Kieran McKeown if he caught me. This helped with the motivation.

9. Who’s That, What’s That

I think that there is nothing worse in a race than to hear the sound of a second pair of magic shoes getting closer and closer to you. Not only could I hear the second pair of magic shoes but every time I passed a house it seemed like the time between the people clapping for me and then clapping for the person behind got shorter and shorter. It was absolutely terrifying and there was nothing I could do about it because I’m huge and can’t run up hill. I still didn’t know who was behind, I assumed it was Mark Smith after being set free from Aoife Cooke’s tempo, I feared it was Kieran McKeown.

10. Sprint

I think that I did a very excellent sprint finish, definitely my best. It was the sort of sprint you do when you realize that what you are about to do will annoy Michael Herlihy greatly. I was so motivated to get my name on that trophy alongside his name. I put everything I had into that last 400m up the hill. It was so horrible and painful. It didn’t feel like I was going terribly fast. I was waiting to feel the whoosh of someone flying by just before the line but I got there first just before Aoife.

Doneraile 10k 2022

10 Things I Think About The Doneraile 10k

1. #recoveryiskey

I think that magic shoes mean that the recovery from a marathon is no longer key. The difference between a Marathon in normal shoes and magic shoes is astonishing. I used to talk about debadification but I think that word can be retired now. I jogged from the bus station to the pub on Sunday evening after the marathon, that shouldn’t be possible. They need to be banned so we can all go back to suffering properly.

2. Diesel

I think that the price of diesel had a lot to do with the lack of Sergiu’s and the like in Doneraile. Doneraile is in an odd location, it’s not very far away but it’s far away enough for it to be expensive to get to at €2 a litre. I made the calculation that it was worth it and I really, really like Doneraile Park anyway.

3. Light Brown Jubilee

I think that there should have been more of a celebration of my three-year stint as the reigning champion of the Doneraile 10k. The last time I did it in 2019 it was exactly the same, 6 days after the Cork marathon but in a pair of Brooks Ghosts. No one seemed to know that I was reigning champion. Perhaps I should have pointed it out.

4. Rolling

I think that there should be more courses like the Doneraile 10k. I love the mix of rolling road and then the nice trail around the park. It is such a nice route, 10k goes by quickly as there is lots to look at. Most of the races in Spain are like this, it’s much better, less nonsense around times, just a race.

5. Who’s Going to Win

I think that I should have been more confident when the Popupraces guy with the desperate Dublin accent asked who’s going to win. I didn’t say anything because I was very worried that Paul Moloney was hiding somewhere talking to Mallow AC runners. Then the Dub said that there was €50 for breaking the course record. My own course record run in non-magic shoes 6 days after a marathon in non-magic shoes, how hard could that be in magic shoes?

6. Magic but not Miraculous Shoes

I think that even though the magic shoes make a mockery of the recovery after the marathon I still felt a little sluggish at the start so I didn’t go too mad down the hill from the Park Gate to the Main Street. Once I reached the right turn at the Pharmacy where I used to work I was fairly confident that I was ahead. I never look behind in a race so I couldn’t be sure. I could hear something behind me which I’m pretty sure was just the sound of my own magic shoes but I pretended it was John Meade so that I would be motivated for the whole of the 10k.

7. Roy Keane

I think that Diadora need to sell more running gear. When I was in Milan I bought a very excellent red Diadora singlet at the expo, it is my favourite singlet ever, very Italian. It was probably very confusing for the people of Doneraile as it looked exactly the same as the Doneraile AC singlet. Perhaps I should join Doneraile instead, sure I’ve no binding links to Leevale, at least I worked in Doneraile and love the park.

8. Tormenting the Stewards

I think that I felt bad about tormenting the poor steward at the bridge at the bottom of the park. As I approached the bridge there were two stewards having a good chat, the chat was so good that they didn’t see or hear me coming which is amazing as I was making lots of noise. When they finally saw me one of the stewards took off running over the bridge to try and get up to the vital T-junction where you can go left or right. I knew the course went left but as I passed him, I said “it’s right isn’t it”, “No left, “are you sure?”. I probably should have left him alone.

9. Sergey Bubka

I think that breaking your own course record is great, especially when you get €50 for doing it. I was tempted to do a Sergi Bubka on it and slow down when I could see the clock so that I could do it again next year but that probably would have looked terrible and very arrogant. Magic shoes seem to be worth about a minute over 10k the week after a marathon according to my carefully controlled experiment.

10. Stitch Payback

I think that winning races doesn’t suit me. I don’t particularly like winning races. It is much more fun to beat John Meade or Viv and finish 4th. I don’t know why. At least by winning I earned back the €100 that the stitch cost me last week in the marathon. I doubt I’ll get away with 3 in a row in Doneraile, there’s no way that I will be let. I just hope that it’s someone like Sergiu or Paul Moloney that breaks my course record and not John Meade or Lizzie.

Cork City Marathon 2022

10 Things I Think About The Cork City Marathon 2022

1. Why are you doing Cork?

I think that coming up with a reason to do the Cork Marathon is very hard. My main reason for running it is like how people do the lottery. I am hoping that if I keep doing it one year, all I need is one year, no one will turn up and I will win in a time of two hours, 30 minutes and 35 seconds.

2. Hotel Glanmire

I think that people who think a marathon in your home city is easier are very wrong. If Cork was Berlin you would not stay in Glanmire the night before the marathon, you would stay on South Terrace in a beautiful red brick AirBnB and walk to the start. You also wouldn’t have to load an 18kg baby into the back of a Scirocco and try and drive into the City with no roads open at 730 in the morning. Foreign marathons are a lot easier.

3. Tower of Power

I think that I have finally mastered the marathon nutrition plan. It has taken a long time. The night before all eating has to stop at 6pm. The last meal was white rice and tofu which I don’t want to eat again until the next marathon. Then a tower of power at 6:30am before the marathon. My stomach was never so good in a race ever. I could almost do a PDF plan and sell it on the internet.

4. No Viv, No Hate, No Mojo

I think that I missed Viv terribly on the start line. It was terrible. I had absolutely no one to hate. I looked around at the start and saw absolutely no one that I could motivate myself with. It’s kind of hard to run a fast pace without the thought of a marauding Viv chasing you tracking you down relentlessly.

5. Mist Shower

I think that if you were to associate a colour with this race it would be the colour of wet tarmac. It was unusually wet. A weird sort of rain that comes with little or no wind and no cold. I’m not actually sure if it was raining but it felt wet. It was perfect for running, goldilocks conditions for Cork.

6. Sticky Bottle

I think that it was nice of Viv to offer to cycle around the course giving out bottles and gels to Conor and me. He did an excellent job, I even got a sticky bottle off him on the Blackrock walkway. The sticky bottles don’t work as well in running as they do in cycling.

7. London Boi

I think that I should have done a full John Meade on it and continued to talk to the guy from London for the last 13 miles of the race. Given how easy it was to talk I probably wasn’t suffering enough due to the lack of Viv. In the end I only did a partial John Meade and just told him a brief history of the route and the city lasting about a mile.

8. Straight Road

I think that I was lucky to meet Damian and Aoife during the race. It was all great until we got to the straight road when all of a sudden Damian just stopped. Aoife who was pacing us steadily turned around like a cross teacher and went back to Damian, I didn’t hear what she said to him but suddenly he was back going again. The Straight Road is a particularly awful place, possibly the worst mile of any marathon in the world. Everyone could probably do with an Aoife on the straight road.

9. The €100 Stitch

I think that the stitch that I got going down North Main Street was probably the costliest stitch of my life. As we came off the path by the Lee Maltings I had gotten a good gap on the Londoner. I was pretty sure I’d him beaten. Viv was alongside me on the bike and I felt good. Then when I turned right past the Gate and Viv went the other way I felt the stitch. I think I was holding my arms wrong or else Viv took out his voodoo doll. Anyway, due to the stitch the Londoner flew by as we passed the falling down buildings held up by rusty steel bars. I tried pushing into my stitch but by the time I had it sorted it was too late and the €200 had become €100 for 10th.

10. Finishers Discount

I think that unfortunately I will have to do the Cork Marathon again. I have gotten a little bit faster ever year so I am well on the way to my goal of winning it. I should have a good chance in 2025 I think, especially if no one new starts running it as most of the other runners are getting very old. I will continue to tell anyone who asks about Cork that it is a terrible course, definitely don’t do it, go somewhere else, Limerick, Dingle, Longford anywhere, just not Cork, Cork is mine, all mine.

Stramilano Half Marathon 2022

10 Things I Think About The Stramilano Half Marathon

1. Top Runner

I think that it is always worth chancing your arm when travelling abroad to races. I emailed the organisers before the race to make sure I’d get up the front. Not only did they put me up the front but they gave me number 9 and “top runner” status. I am sure I am not a top runner, very sure.

2. Steve McClaren

I think that the worst time to get interviewed is when you aren’t expecting it. As I was pretty much the only non-Kenyan or Italian on the start line the TV people came over. I had ice cubes in the plastic wrapping from my new socks held on the top of my head as it was roasting. I have no idea what I said to them but I probably couldn’t have looked more insane. I really hope I didn’t speak English in an Italian accent.

3. Cannonball

I think that everyone has a plan for running in the heat until the Italian national anthem is played and the race is started with the firing of a cannon. I had calculated that based on the heat 75 minutes would be really good. Unfortunately I forgot this calculation immediately and went off not too far behind the Kenyans.

4. Giovanna Epis

I think that I was very wrong to think that I could stay with the group that were running with the best Italian woman in the race. There was a dedicated TV camera crew following her so I thought it would be a good steady pace. Unfortunately it only took about 3k for it to be clear that the pace was far too hot for the heat and for me.

5. Justify “Top Runner”

I think that after I was dropped by the group I started to worry that I wouldn’t be able to justify my status as a “top runner”. I pictured an angry Italian Michael Herlihy at the finish line waiting to give out to me for being so useless, ripping the number 9 off my chest, throwing it in the bin and banning me from ever darkening his race with my presence again.

6. Safe Mode

I think that I have a safe mode for the heat. Once I started to get that hot feeling my main goal was to avoid ending up on a drip in the medical tent. The only way to get less hot is to stop or slow down, nothing else works. A guy up ahead seemed to opt for the stopping option, he was stopping every 3km walking then going again. It seemed to work better than my just slow down option as I never caught up to him. I might adopt this strategy in the next hot race.

7. Floodgates

I think that the last 2km were particularly terrible. It is a strange feeling when you get too hot. It seems like you are running as fast as you can but you are actually going very slow. 10 people must have passed me in the last 2k and I could do nothing about it only watch them fly by. I thought I might muster some bit of a sprint but when I rounded the last corner and saw 76 on the clock I didn’t see the point and just ran home free from danger of the medical tent.

8. Another Day

I think that I will have to come back and do this race again if I haven’t been banned by the race organisers. It is such a great course, completely flat, perfectly organised and a great way to see Milan. It’s normally on in March/April so it was unusual for it to be so hot. Even the Italians and Kenyans said it was too hot.

9. Donal like Donadoni

I think that I must have done an excellent first interview as after the race the same TV crew came straight over to interview me again. I pointed out that it was very hot. At the end they asked me my name, “Donal”, Donald?, no “Donal like Donadoni”.

10. Biliud Cubchoge

I think that the Kenyans were very impressed with Billy. I saw the four Kenyans who dominated the race sitting down in front of an old giant door with a golden frame so I sat down beside them for a chat. Rhona wheeled Billy in beside me. I showed the Kenyans Billy’s bib which has Biliud Cubchoge written on it. They thought it was very funny, the only people so far.

Midleton 5 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Midleton 5

1. Race Inflation

I think that it is very clear that there are too many races again. It is impossible to do even half of them unless you are mad and extremely resistant to injury. I have implemented a one race per week limit unless it is a 5k in which case I can do two. I did Midleton because I like Midleton and there aren’t enough 5 mile races any more because of Ballycotton being gone.

2. Grumpy Bakers

I think that I was very lucky to have this loop during the emergency. We used to do a loop from the Grumpy Bakers that helped maintain some degree of sanity. I have good memories of beating Michael Herlihy in a 10 mile time trial on this loop which didn’t count because it was a time trial. I think I ran 52 minutes.

3. Make No Mistake

I think that you could make no mistake that Viv is fully recovered after Boston. He is such a perfect man it is annoying; he looked the image of health on the starting line, glowing. Imagine having the discipline to take a week off after a marathon, recovery properly and then be flying two weeks later. It’s very annoying. I wish I was more disciplined.

4. He Gone

I think that the start of the race made me realise how much of a gap there is between proper runners like Michael Harty and elite hobby joggers like myself. He tore off at the start like someone who had misread the race flyer and thought there was €1000 for a course record. He was nearly out of sight by the time we went under the N25.

5. Queuejumper

I think that the wind made this race both hard and easy. Once we went under the N25 and out onto the nice path the wind hit us. I was delighted as it gave me a chance to catch up to Barry and Mark. Then Mark tried some reverse queue jumping by slowing down and trying to shelter behind me. I was having none of it, I put my arm around him and moved him back up beside Barry in front of me and Viv. The laziness was astonishing.

6. Hanging On

I think that I knew I was in trouble after a mile. Donie was standing at the traffic lights for the ghost estate that wasn’t built calling out the times. 5:10 was pretty much what I wanted to hear but it felt like 4:50. It was a perfect group but I knew it was going to be difficult to get any faster and it couldn’t have contained worse people than Mark, Barry and Viv.

7. The Turn

I think that I thought I had a chance when I was able to stay with Barry, Mark and Viv once we turned left and ran down and up the hill after the farmyard. I was pretty sure they would drop me there but they didn’t. I could tell that Mark and Viv had lots left as they were barely breathing, Barry seemed to be suffering just as much as me.

8. Very Impressive

I think that what Mark Walsh did over the last two miles of the race would have been very impressive if Michael Harty wasn’t already across the line with his feet up, having a cup of tea and a bun. Once we turned left to turn back towards Midleton at the highest part of the course Mark tore off. Not even Viv could go with him. I tried to stay with Barry which worked for a while.

9. Going Backwards

I think that normally in a road race if you don’t slow down you generally have a good chance of doing well. I thought I was after blowing up completely but when I looked on Strava after the race I just ran the same pace from mile 2 to 5. Mark, Viv and Barry just sped up and dropped me which is unusual. It was like a proper race you’d see on TV. I ended up 5th which is a terrible place to finish, neither good nor bad.

10. Goldilocks Race

I think that the finish of this race is brilliant. The right hand turn with the long winding finishing straight is wonderful. It is neither uphill, nor downhill nor flat. It would make an excellent TV finish. There were people out shouting at us which was nice. The course measured 5.05 miles on my trusty GPS watch which means it probably isn’t short or long, it’s just right.

The Great Railway Run 25k 2022

10 Things I Think About The Great Railway Run 25k

1. Unfinished Business

I think that I had unfinished business with this race. It is the only race that I remember dropping out of. Dropping out of a race is a terrible thing to do, a terrible act with terrible consequences. Dropping out of races can become a habit, so it was important to comeback and finish this race just to prove that it wasn’t terrible mental weakness or a fear of doing the same route that I run nearly every second day in a race.

2. Where’s Jeremy

I think that Jeremy was badly missed at the start line. I don’t really know why I thought Jeremy was going to run but everyone is terrified of him after that 5k in Kilkenny. Even Alan O’Brien was looking for him, “Where’s Jeremy?”.

3. 530s 540s

I think that it is pointless asking people what they are going to run at the start of a race. Once we had established that there was no Jeremy, Lizzie predicted that the one, two, three would be Alan, me and Damian. I asked Alan what he thought 5:30s? “No, no, no if I did 5:30s I’d be in a heap”, he reminded me of Viv. Then the race started, and we went off at about 5:30s, no one came with us, no one, just me and Alan like an old Saturday training session without the usual gap between us.

4. Substantial Lead at Half Way

I think I must have annoyed Alan with my question about the 5:30s as it took about 2 miles for the 5:30s to become 5:20s and for my time as a co-leader to come to an end. As we turned the corner down the hill from Blackrock Castle the pace increased, and I was dropped, doomed to run 13 miles on my own all the way to Carrigaline watching Alan’s silhouette get smaller and smaller until it was no longer visible and his lead became what one would call substantial at half way.

5. Marathon Prep

I think that this race is perfect preparation for the Cork Marathon. The feeling of despair, awfulness and pointlessness that I felt around the back of Jacob’s Island is exactly the same feeling as I remember from the Cork Marathon, and just like at this point in the Cork Marathon there are about 13 miles to go. There must be something wrong with that land because once you get back onto the path to Harty’s Quay the awfulness goes away, just something to be aware of if you are planning on running Cork.

6. Breaking 25k

I think that the worst part of this race was the fear. I spent the whole race worrying that Damian was doing some sort of session during the race and that he would suddenly appear behind me flying. I became very worried as I passed through Passage West and saw Ken Ince and Gary Walsh standing waiting ready to hop in like the pacers Kipchoge had in Vienna. After seeing them I was certain that they were going to pace Damian perfectly and fly past me in the last mile at exactly 5:40 pace. It was great motivation to keep going. I even started to hear magic shoes behind me, although I think it was that the wind had changed direction and I was hearing my own magic shoes.

7. Compressed Marathon

I think that it was great to find out what happens if you don’t turn up the hill at Raffeen. I had never run the road from Raffeen to Shanbally before, what a road for running, wonderful hills that would been lovely to run up if it wasn’t 11 miles into a 25k race. The hills took a while to get used to after the flat along the water but once I got up the hill to Shanbally I was happy to run more hills. The profile of the 25k is very like if you took the profile of the 42k from the Cork marathon and compressed it to fit into 25k. It is perfect preparation for Cork.

8. Hyundais and Volvos

I think that drivers almost hate runners as much as they hate cyclists. I nearly got taken out in Shanbally at the little out and back section by a Hyundai Tucson being driven by a very angry man. The marshals shouted at me so I was able to avoid him, the Gardai were there watching so I hope he got many penalty points for driving on the wrong side of the road. Then up near Novartis a Volvo XC90 took a side swipe at me like you see in those cycling videos on Twitter. I should have patted the side of the car but instead I just gave an unfriendly wave. I wish I had of worn a GoPro as it would have made an excellent Twitter account.

9. Adrenaline

I think that the adrenaline from the run ins with the angry old men in people carriers was better than any Maurten gel. It is amazing what being angry can do for your ability to run moderately fast. I was nearly back to Carrigaline by the time I’d processed the anger. Then I saw the finish and forgot all about the cars and angry old men who wish that they could run and have tanned legs like me.

10. Magic Prizes

I think that the prizes for this race were incredible. It was far more money than I have ever won in a road race. Perhaps the prizes were calculated based on magic shoes as it was precisely enough money to buy one pair of magic shoes. The only other 25k race I ran was in Berlin, I came 2nd then too and got a box of Cliff bars. A pair of magic shoes is much better. You could never have enough magic shoes.

Great Ireland Run 2022

10 Things I Think About The Great Ireland Run

1. There’s a 9am in the morning now?

I think that 9am on a Saturday morning is a ludicrous time to hold a National 10k. It’s bonkers, are we turning into the US where the races are on early so people can go back to work? Is it to fill the hotels? It probably doesn’t even suit the volunteers. It would be grand if it was on in Cork or say perhaps Portlaoise, Dublin isn’t fair to anyone.

2. Once Stung, Twice Shy

I think that the first race after a race where you had an unexpected injury is always terrifying. I was pretty certain I was better as I can now do every single hamstring exercise on Instagram. Still with something like a hamstring cramp you are always afraid it will happen again as it comes from no where. Unfortunately as I have prodded and poked my hamstring everyday relentlessly for the past three weeks I seem to have irritated the nerve. Injuries breed injuries. Nerves are very annoying.

3. Weather

I think that you know you aren’t taking a race too seriously when the weather on the day of the race is a complete surprise. I really only went because I was going to get my tanned skin checked in Dublin on Saturday so I had to go to Dublin anyway. When I woke at 7am after 5 hours sleep I was delighted with the sunny cold dry wind free air, it was perfect.

4. Atmosphere

I think that race organisers who are doing atmosphere before races need to be sent on a course to the Berlin Marathon to learn what to do. What you need to do is have the dramatic do do doo music and then introduce the great runners like Mick Clohissey, have them wave and then play the Chicago Bulls walk-in tune until the start. That’s it nothing else works, no hand waving, no jumping, just that. Every race that wants atmosphere at the start should do that.

5. Handy

I think that it was an interesting experiment to see what happens when you go off handy at the start of the race. Because of my sciatic nerve self provocation I was scared of sprinting so I kind of went off reasonably handy. I know know that this is a terrible way to run a race and you should always go off as hard as you can as it is free energy at the start.

6. This is Grand

I think that if you are thinking this is grand after about 3k of a race you really aren’t up for a race. All I was thinking about was my hamstring wondering if it would act up again. It felt perfectly fine but I was thinking about it so much that I was monitoring every single muscle contraction to completion. This is not a very nice way to run, running should be free from worry about individual body parts, they should just work and allow you to concentrate on suffering.

7. Same People, Different Day

I think that it is miraculous that no matter what happens you will end up racing the same people in every race that you run. It’s almost as if running is laughing at you, pointing out the futility of training. No matter how in shape or out of shape I am I will end up racing Michael Kiely. We have taken to saluting each other when the inevitable exchange of places happens.

8. Undulations

I think that this is a great 10k course. I really like the Tour de France style hairpin climb with the nice straight finish. It’s quite a fair course in terms of elevation so the times are real. I’d like to do it without spending the entire race monitoring my hamstring. It was organised perfectly, if it was on Saturday at 6pm or Sunday at 11am there probably would have been thousands at it.

9. Exchanging of Excuses

I think that another example of the futility of running was encountering Pauric McKinney after about 6k, I have vivid memories of racing him the only time I ever ran on snow in Derry in 2010. We ran together until the finishing straight when he destroyed me. I think the result was the same in 2010. After the race we exchanged excuses, he was up at 3am to drive from Donegal, I had my hamstring and arriving in Dublin at 1am. Excuses are vital and the only one who cares about your excuse is yourself but it feels good to exchange them.

10. Post Race

I think that the post race was perfect. I got a non winners medal and two expensive protein bars which was good value for the €25 entry fee, some people took as many bars as they could hold which was clever. My hamstring was the same as before the race after the race so I did a buggy run with a bawling Billy, smiling Matthew and delighted Sinead to warm down. Hopefully that’s my annual injury out of the way now.

Mallow 10 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Mallow 10 Mile

1. Mallow Castle

I think that it is amazing that I never knew that there was such a beautiful castle in Mallow. It is like that it was designed with the sole intention of hosting a road race. It is perfect, the two mile warm up loop along by the river couldn’t be any better.

2. Is it cruel or kind not to speak my mind?

I think that the amount of lies and false truths uttered before a road race is incredible. Every single person I met spun me some nonsense about taking it handy. Why? It makes no sense. It must be nerves or lack of confidence. It’s infuriating. I was so fed up of listening to nonsense that I stopped talking to people. In future I will remain silent rather than fill my brain with lies.

3. Masterplan

I think that my plan for today was terrible. I thought it was very clever, I looked on my windy app and saw that the wind would be favorable for the first seven miles. My cunning plan was to go out hard use the wind on my large back and get away from Viv and his hiding from the wind nonsense. I was hoping that by the time we would get to the headwind part on the way back to Mallow that I would be so far ahead that he wouldn’t be able to catch me. It was a very bad plan.

4. Quit While You’re Ahead

I think that I probably should have gone right at the roundabout and gone back to the car. Unfortunately, I have a terrible affliction that means that I forget the things that I learn about running. I learned a long time ago that running lots of races close together is not the cleverest thing even if it is great fun. As we ran down the hill towards the N20 roundabout I was in a nice group with Derek Griffin and John Kinsella. Then I started to feel my old familiar Next% hamstring niggle. As I switched focus from John Kinsella’s trail running scars to my own niggle suddenly I found myself falling further and further away from them. I knew it probably wasn’t going to get very bad as I’ve had the same niggle before. In hindsight I should have gone right and gone home and saved it for another day.

5. Rolling

I think that I forgot how rolling the Mallow course is. It is particularly rolling, there are no real hills just lots and lots of these little annoying hills that are desperate when you have a niggly hamstring. It’s hard to get a rhythm going. My only memory from the last time I ran it about 10 years ago was someone standing at 9 miles seeing that I was struggling to break 60 saying “that’s desperate, you’re better than that”.

6. Choice Words

I think that my hamstring niggle made me exceptionally cranky. As we approached the horse racing track I heard the sound of many Next%s and one Asics Metaspeed Edge approaching. When I turned my head right I saw Alan with Viv attached to his back. I don’t think I have ever been so disgusted to see anyone in my entire life. I made this fact known to Viv.

7. The Eagles

I think that it was almost personal how Alan and his shadow Viv dropped me. Combined with a niggly hamstring it was physically and mentally painful to watch them disappear up the road. I was left with Michelle Finn for company. I felt bad because I had earlier told Michelle that I had planned to do the same time as I did in Dungarvan which she thought was too quick. She was better off anyway with the annoyingly perfect pacing of Alan and Viv.

8. Diamond League

I think that it was a shame that I couldn’t help Michelle more in the race. Because of my niggle I could do nothing except try and hang on and try not to annoy my hamstring. I sat behind Michelle from mile 7 until mile 9, it was nice to get the Diamond League pacing experience.

9. Cramp

I think that the last mile of this race was one of the most terrible miles I have ever run. I was happy enough running along with Michelle, I even tried to help out for a bit. Then as we got to the section of road just before the finish where the road turned into a bumpy gnarly rumble strip I felt my right hamstring cramp up. It wasn’t particularly painful it just stopped functioning as a hamstring. I could see the clock up ahead taunting me almost if the time had been replaced with the words "It’s going to take you ages to get home". It took me what felt like an hour to reach the clock with my right hand attached to my hamstring not because it made it any better but so that people would feel sorry for me and perhaps understand what was going on.

10. Doesn’t Count

I think that I should get a free pass for this race. I don’t think any beatings should count as it was not a fair race. I told Damian who amazingly was the only person who passed me as I hobbled towards the line, that he couldn’t count it as a beating, he agreed. At least I have learned my lesson about doing too much again and I probably won’t forget it again for at least another year. It was a real pity as the race was so good, I would have loved to have destroyed Viv in a sprint again. Ah well, there’s always next time, hopefully.

Streets of Portlaoise 5k 2022

10 Things I Think About The Streets of Portlaoise 2022

1. Nothing

I think that it is very hard to think anything about Portlaoise. When I think about Portlaoise nothing happens. This 5k is definitely the best thing about Portlaoise.

2. Kia EV6

I think that it is a great pity that Michael Herlihy wasn’t able to run in this race. I think that he would have been so happy to see an electric lead car that he might have run very fast after the electric car. Sort of like a dog after a stick with sausages attached to it.

3 Wrinkles

I think that I will have to get a lock for the washing machine room. My Leevale singlet and shorts were extremely wrinkled because Billy is obsessed with turning all the dials on the washing machine while it is on. I’m not sure why he wants to wrinkle all my clothes, perhaps he wants me to stay at home and take him to the playground instead of driving to Portlaoise.

4. Psychological Games

I think that you would want to have a degree in sports psychology to withstand the psychological games that happen on the start line of a race like this. At the start I stood just in front of Lizzie and Anne Marie McGlynn who proceeded to tell me how I was a major target for being chick’d. It’s a terrible feeling to think that they’re tracking you down relentlessly.

5. Stalling

I think that the getting off the line is very difficult when you are tall and everyone around you is small. I had to rear up and jump like a horse at the start to get going. There was no danger of me falling but there was significant risk of someone else falling.

6. Repetitio est mater studiorum

I think that one of the advantages of running races nearly every weekend is that you get very used to staying calm for the first hundred metres. If you haven’t raced in a while the first few minutes are terrifying, can I still do this? When it’s every week it’s like nah it’ll be grand, I’ll get going eventually which I did.

7. Bridging

I think that I did some excellent bridging in this race. I was struggling to find a reason to hurt once we passed through the town for the first time. I felt like I had missed my chance to torment anyone with my slow start, then I remembered that I had a chick’d target on my back. I used some help from Aidan to bridge from person to person up to Bernard’s group which in my head was probably around 1530 pace and unlikely to be chick’d.

8. Mount Laois

I think that the mountain in this race is excellent. It is a terrible hill at the worst possible point of a 5k. Everyone knows that between 3.5k and 4k is possibly the worst point to encounter a mountain in a 5k race. I’m pretty sure this mountain was the reason why PBs were not endangered. This wouldn’t happen in Newmarket.

9. Don’t Look at Your Watch

I think that the finish of this race is wonderful. It is such a great finishing long straight, very long, nearly a kilometre. Races should only be allowed to finish in the middle of towns as the atmosphere makes you run faster. Once we crested Mount Laois I thought I had the better of Bernard as it was downhill with the wind at our backs. Then I committed a terrible sin and looked at my watch. The time on the watch distracted me so I kind of forgot about racing and just drifted in. Never look at your watch.

10. The Aftermath

I think that the aftermath of road races like this is odd. If you don’t run a PB does it really matter where you finished? “How’d you get on? “Meh” is the most common answer. When I was walking back to the car I passed Michael Herlihy, he asked me “how’d you get on”. “I finished ahead of the women”. That was all that mattered.

Killeagh 4 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Killeagh 4 Mile

1. Perhaps

I think that the Killeagh 4 mile road race is the most John Meade road race ever. Despite this fact it was almost impossible to find out if he was going to run the race. I asked him directly via email on Tuesday after a failed attempt to meet for a run, the response was a Shakespearean riddle that left me none the wiser as to his intentions.

2. Transfer Deadline Day

I think I will need to buy some more Leevale singlets. It is very hard to keep them clean when you race every week. I couldn’t find a clean one this morning, so I had to go with an alternative kit. I bought a lovely white Mizuno singlet with the word Corredor printed on it for €5 at the Expo in Seville. After debating wearing my Joma Spanish singlet, I decided to go with the white one as it looks excellent and Corredor means runner.

3. Special Guest

I think that it was unsurprising to see John Meade when I arrived at the car park. He had parked suspiciously close to the GAA clubhouse which suggested that he was either very early or they were expecting him. I’m pretty sure he had his own dressing room in the GAA clubhouse. He kindly waited for me to do the warmup which consisted of jogging out the last half a mile of the race in reverse. On the way back John showed me the railway bridge and said that this was the point where the race would be won. He finished his warmup at a mile and I continued on to do more because that’s what I do.

4. Carbon Copy

I think that the Killeagh course was almost a carbon copy of the course up in Clare last week. They even managed to arrange the unusual wind direction which meant that the first two miles were uphill into the wind. At the start I saw one of the officials sneak up to John Meade and whisper some last-minute instructions on the course into his ear. I didn’t need any instructions as it was essentially a repeat of last week and I had learnt my lesson well.

5. Racing School

I think that you only get to learn about racing when there are wind and hills on the course. Once we started I let the only other tall person in the race Michael Herlihy go ahead, thankfully a fella in Barr’s singlet thought that it would be an excellent idea to lead the race so a big group of us followed behind sheltering from the wind. I took inspiration from Viv last week and did not venture out into the wind despite how much I would have loved to have just gone for it.

6. Long Tanned Levers

I think that I am terribly disadvantaged running in these wind induced running pelotons. I spent the first two miles uphill into the wind chopping my stride trying not to trip up with all the little short legged creatures around me. It is terribly disconcerting; the cadence is also very off-putting and confusing; it feels odd to be taking three strides for every four that everyone else is taking. The only one I can really run comfortably is Michael Herlihy but he was behind me evaluating his new Asics magic shoes.

7. Attempted Coup

I think that my favourite part of this race was the bit from mile two to mile three. It was great fun. Just like in Clare when we got to the top of the hill at the end of the second mile we turned left down the hill out of the wind. Unlike in Clare I was very sensible and let John Meade try and drop everyone. I did a Viv and sat as far back as I could without losing contact while Aidan and James tried and failed to get ahead of John Meade. Once individual attempts on John Meade’s lead had failed I took up the vacant place behind John Meade content to follow like Viv would have done.

8. Honest Meade

I think that I can have no complaints with how John Meade ran this race. He is a very honest runner. I know most people don’t want to believe that he uses magic shoes because it just doesn’t fit the image, but at least he does take to the front and doesn’t just sit on you like Viv. James McCarthy was the only true honest runner in the race without magic shoes, he probably would have won if he had of worn them but he didn’t, so he had to settle for third behind me.

9. Capitulation

I think that because I was so focused on following John Meade I kind of forgot the momentous occasion that was taking place. Once we passed the three mile mark I realized that I could neither see nor hear Michael Herlihy. Then I realized that if I could just stay with or near John Meade I would finally beat Mike on the road after 14 long years of trying very hard. Once we got to the railway bridge where on the warm up John Meade had said the race would be won I heard the unmistakable sound of a tremendous distant groan from Michael Herlihy. I knew then that I had him beaten if I could just keep running off the bridge to the finish, which I did.

10. Popularity Contest

I think that I am very jealous about the popularity of John Meade. The amount of "Well Done John Meade"s after a race win is not proportionate to the excellence of his performance. It makes me feel very upset when I compare it to the amount of "Well Done"s I get on the odd occasion that I win a race in Doneraile or Spain. Despite my jealousy the cacophony of “Well Done John Meade” in the hall with tea and sandwiches after the race was great to hear especially after two long years without indoor tea and sandwiches. It was a fitting result. Well Done John Meade.

Munster 4 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Munster 4 Mile Road Race in Quilty

1. Near, Far Away

I think that I made a mistake going to Clare. I should have taken the John Meade option and gone to CIT for the handy 5k. It would have been a lot easier. Everything about going to Clare was hard, from figuring out how to enter the race, to driving two and a half hours on the roller coaster roads of west Clare. At least it was sunny and beautiful.

2. Don’t Forget Your Packed Lunch if You Want to Run the Race

I think that my favourite thing about this race was the only piece of information that I could find about the race on the internet. It was an excellent letter with critical information on the race, like the start time, location and most crucially instructions that all competitors were to bring their own packed lunch. I don’t think I’ve ever brought a packed lunch with me anywhere. I wasn’t sure if they would check for the packed lunch.

3. Multiple Categories

I think that there are too many categories in running. I think I was eligible for Senior, Novice and Moderately Old Man but because only M35 was ticked on my entry I wasn’t eligible for the other categories even though I was eligible. It would probably be simpler if they had someone at the finish who based on appearance assigned a category. Appearance is far more relevant than age in running.

4. Reverse Arrogance

I think that I knew I was in trouble during the warmup. I ran with Viv who I wasn’t particularly worried about as I’ve destroyed him in the last five outings. Worryingly he looked very fresh and bouncy. He gave me his usual nonsense about being happy to win his category. The nonsense is infuriating, it’s like reverse arrogance, it’s maddening. The quantity of nonsense is normally proportional to how well he is about to run, there was an abundance of nonsense on this occasion.

5. Uphill Headwinds

I think that I knew I was in even more trouble after about 400m. I knew that the wind was going to be a problem, wind is not my friend. The wind was coming from the east off the land which must happen once a year in Quilty. After 400m Tim and Kevin had already disappeared off up the road leaving a huge group behind. When we turned right into the wind it became clear that trying to do anything other than stay in the group was going to be pointless. Barry was a very excellent honest leader and led the group while I sat at the back trying not to clip all the magic shoes. Viv was there somewhere at the back, hiding.

6. Echelon

I think that this race was more like a cycling race in Holland than a running race in Clare. As we ran up the hill into the cross headwind, we started to crab across the road like you see in the Tour De France. Poor Barry was stuck at the front of the echelon grinding away into the wind while the rest of us sheltered behind from one side of the road to the other. I knew that Viv was loving this and would do everything possible to avoid feeling even a puff of wind conserving energy like a man driving an electric car who wants to do a post on facebook about how he saved 13 cents driving perfectly.

7. The Gamble

I think that I made a major mistake when we got to the top of the hill. I hate running in big groups. It is awful when you have a big awkward stride like I do. I knew that once we turned left at the top of the hill we would be downhill with the wind at our backs, so just before we got to the top I left the back of Barry’s pack, swept around the outside and went as hard as I could down the hill hoping that the sound of the magic shoes clapping off the road would begin to fade. It did for a while but then it came back.

8. Trouble

I think that my gamble would have worked if the race had finished at the bottom of the hill but unfortunately it didn’t. By the time we got to the junction at the bottom of the hill. I had trimmed the group down to about six people. Unfortunately, Viv was still there, last of the six, bouncing along effortlessly.

9. Honesty is not the Best Policy

I think running in the wind favours nasty selfish runners who think only of themselves. When we turned left back onto the main road to Quilty the wind returned. This again made running solo pointless and impossible. For a while I thought that I might be able to repeat my Dungarvan finish but with about half a mile to go the Tipperary fella in the red singlet pushed on, Viv jumped on his back and was carried away off up the road with James Hayes and James Doran. Barry and I who were the only honest runners in the race were punished for our honesty and shelled out the back of the pack which we had founded.

10. Walking Photo Finish

I think that the finish of this race was very unusual. It was particularly hard as it ran back up the hill into the wind into Quilty. I was so annoyed and horrified at the sight of Viv disappearing up the road that I pretty much gave up. Despite pretty much giving up I nearly pipped James Hayes on the line in a walking photo finish. The high-tech chip timing gave the place to James but we both got the same time. Then I had to put up with a delighted Viv, thrilled with himself. I thought I’d finished with him, I was wrong.

Doneraile 5k 2022

10 Things I Think About The Doneraile 5k 2022

1. Magic Shoes

I think that magic shoes are my favourite invention ever. They make doing races a week after a marathon seem almost sensible. I think that eventually everyone will realize this and there will be no excuse for taking time off after a marathon.

2. Quads Bigger Than Calves

I think that I might have to retire the term debadification. It was really only applicable if you ran anything over a half marathon in normal shoes like a pair of Brooks Ghosts. There is almost no calf damage from the magic shoes, all the work is done by the quads and hamstrings. It’s like cycling and in cycling you can race every day because quads are bigger than calves.

3. My Favorite Place not Abroad

I think that Doneraile is my favorite place to run that isn’t abroad. The only problem with it is that it is very far from Glanmire. You can be in Spain from Glanmire in only double the time it takes to get to Doneraile and you don’t have to risk the N73 between Kildorrey and Mallow.

4. Indestructible

I think that races are the best protection against injury. When races were banned because of the disease I had two stress fractures. I am convinced that frequent racing prevent injuries. I think that monotonous training causes all the injuries, the variety of loading in the races keeps the injuries away.

5. I’m Not Making Excuses But

I think that every warm up is the same. A warm up is a collection of runners exchanging excuses with each other about why they aren’t going to run as fast as their Instagram account makes them look like they run. I warmed up with Gruff, I thought I had a good excuse with my marathon but Gruff had been standing all day the day before, his socks also might have been wet and I think he forgot to eat food on a Wednesday two weeks ago.

6. Alfie Verstappen

I think that if you run into the back of someone it is definitely the fault of the person who ran into you. Even though the magic shoes mean that I haven’t any badness It takes me ages to get going. At the start Michael Herlihy warned all the kids who were running that I was an awkward dangerous runner and to stay away from me. He should have warned them about Alfie who ran into the back of me at the left turn by the big tree. Just like Verstappen he blamed me for being too slow.

7. ICE

I think that leading a race is an awful feeling. Once we got onto the trail section between the two bridges I managed to get going like a big dirty diesel. I am definitely not like an electric car. I don’t like leading races, I don’t think it suits me, I find it hard to stay motivated, normally I am motivated by hate, fear of being caught isn’t as good a fuel as hate.

8. Ice Skating

I think that I have nearly fallen every time I have run this race. There is one treacherous left hand corner off the straight where the deer are. At the turn the surface changes from tarmac to sludgy slimy trail. I planted my right pink magic shoe like I normally do when turning left but it didn’t stick. Owing to my excellent agility I managed to catch the slide and continued off up the hill. I hope someone has a picture of it because I’m sure it looked excellent.

9. Great Victory by Me

I think that it must be great to be from somewhere like Kerry or Roscommon where you could win races the whole time. It would be great if people like John Meade and Conor McCauley never turned up and I could win all of the races. If I won more races I could develop a celebration like John Meade has.

10. Newmarket vs Doneraile

I think that it would be a lot better if the 5k in Doneraile was as popular as the 5k in Newmarket. They should not tell people next year and just hold it in Doneraile sort of like how they added the 500m to Raheny. Although I’m not sure if you could develop a calculator to convert a time in Doneraile to a time in Newmarket.

Seville Marathon 2022

10 Things I Think About The Seville Marathon the 2022

1. Problem Solving

I think that marathons are all about dealing with anxiety. I spent the week before the marathon checking the Windy app every 30 minutes not for Seville but for Cork. By Tuesday I had made up my mind that flying from Cork on Friday was not going to work so I gave Ryanair money to fly me to Malaga on Thursday morning. The weather in Spain was scorchio as normal.

2. Spained

I think that dodging the storm should have been the end of my worries. It wasn’t. When I arrived in Seville I got a taxi to my specially selected apartment very near the start. It looked very excellent on the website, very IKEA. When I opened the door I was greeted by very black mouldy walls with big chunks of plaster taken out of the walls and very battered IKEA furniture, there were probably bed bugs too but I didn’t wait to meet them. I googled the playbook for getting refunded on Booking .com, followed the script which involved complaining in short terse sentences to the hosts, taking photos of the black mould and ringing Booking .com twice. After two hours of negotiations I got refunded and booked into a place that I’d stayed at before that was moderately further away from the start. The black mould still has its 4.8 rating intact as part of the agreement.

3. Chupeta

I think that it was a great shame that Billy wasn’t able to run the Chupeta 50m race for under 2s the day before the marathon. It would have been excellent, he definitely would have won, he was going excellently in training. I picked up his number at the Expo anyway. Not even Jacob Ingebrigtsen would have been doing races at 20 months.

4. Bland

I think that marathons are a terrible waste of a weekend in Seville. Saturday was an awful day. It was so sunny and beautiful in Seville, perfect weather for a session and a double run with a pile of croissants, coffee and a walking tour in between. Instead I ran 30 minutes with all the other Cork runners and ate mainly rice, bread, hummus and tofu for the rest of the day. A desperate waste of a day.

5. Maurten up your Sleeve

I think that arm warmers are wonderful inventions. I detest how they they make you look like a triathlete who needs to wear as much gear as possible but the usefulness justifies the awfulness. I’ve no interest in having warm arms or looking like an Ironman but crucially for a marathon you can put a maurten gel up each sleeve. You would barley notice the gels presence, even better you can be like a snake once you get to 15k and peel off one sleeve. This does mean running with only one arm warmer on for the next 10k but I don’t think it looks any more ridiculous than running with two.

6. Waiting for Something

I think that the first 20 miles of this marathon were probably the most uneventful miles I have ever run. They were entirely free of hate and anger, I saw no one that I wanted to beat so I had to focus on keeping the watch at about 5:40 which was the pace I decided on because it was what my watch was showing after about 10k of running by feel. I hate this style of running as it goes by so slowly so instead I just followed groups and focused on racing not pacing. It was perfect, idyllic, free from hatred, almost enjoyable, I even passed through halfway under 2:30 pace which would justify all of my nonsense and torment Michael Herlihy.

7. Real Betis Belly

I think that things started to go wrong just after the Real Betis stadium. I was having a lovely time at the back of a group headed by a tall Spaniard in a pair of very yellow Alphaflys. Everything was perfect, perfect legs, cool arms and bouncy magic shoes, then just after we turned right after the Betis stadium my brain started focusing only on my stomach and not on running. It was not good, the only way I could deal with it was by slowing down a bit and massaging my belly. This seemed to work very well and by mile 23 I felt like I could run full gas again so I did although I didn’t actually get any faster.

8. Thin Lizzy

I think that the finish of the Seville marathon is wonderful. It’s like a tribute to all the little tiny races in Spain that I normally do. The last two miles are the only miles where it feels like Seville as it runs through the old city on the pedestrianised streets. It’s a mess of tiles, cobbles and tramlines. I loved it, everyone else seems to hate it. I loved it even more when I turned left onto the finishing straight and saw 2:31 on the clock. They were playing The Boys are Back in Town so I sprinted as hard as I could knowing that anything under 2:32:30 would destroy John O’Connells PB and I’d officially be better than him at every distance. My time however is still not fast enough. I will not rest until I get Michael Herlihy as I know that it would annoy him terribly and that is my main reason for running.

9. Victory over Viv (again)

I think that the best way to beat someone is when the person you beat badly is also happy with their race. It’s a lot easier than having to tiptoe around the beating pretending that you aren’t thrilled about beating them. I didn’t even think about Viv during the race as I didn’t see him after the start. If I’d know how he was tracking me down relentlessly I probably would have been terrified. In the end I only had about 90 seconds on him which was perfect as we were both delighted and I could speak freely about the beating.

10. Better Than Berlin

I think that Seville is probably a far easier marathon to run than Berlin. Seville is unbelievably flat. There are no inclines apart from one underpass which you do twice. The standard also seemed to be higher than Berlin, I spent the whole race with company whether I wanted to or not. The only way it could be better is if it was in December or January and was just that bit colder. Other than that it is by far the best place I’ve run a marathon.

All Ireland Masters XC 2022

10 Things I Think About The All Ireland Masters XC

1. Only Over the Road

I think that it was wonderful to have an All-Ireland event so close to home. I used to cycle through Castlelyons a good bit back in the bad old days when I was miserable on a bicycle so I knew where it was. It was so nice to not have to drive for three hours to get to the race, even people with electric cars wouldn’t have to worry about getting to Castlelyons from Cork. 

2. Masters vs Intermediate

I think that I probably would have been better off in the Intermediate race today. I was eligible for both as I never really ran the Intermediate XC because no one used to run it so we never had a team for it. Based on appearance only I think I would have fitted in better in the Intermediate race as I have all of my hairs in their original colour. M35 is a silly category, 35 isn’t even close to being old.

3. Muckometer

I think that it was great to finally have an actual cross-country race and not a road race on grass. This was a proper course with proper muck and real thick grass that cows would like to eat. I was so happy to see the muck, I have missed the muck greatly. Castlelyons style muck means that even Dragonflys offer no advantage other than making you look like a wannabe Jacob Ingebritsen with too much money and a Nike addiction.

4. Stress

I think that cross country races are very stressful. The most stressful part of any cross-country race is trying to find the numbers. Donie normally has them, so first you have to find Donie. This can be difficult. Thankfully he was wearing a very yellow hat so I found him relatively easily. Once you have the numbers the next thing to worry about is the race starting early so that the organisers can go home, for this reason your warmup should always be in sight of the start especially when the race is in Munster, it’s very stressful. I was glad to start the race.

5. Old Man Start

I think that the start of this race was not as I had expected. Normally old man cross country races go off very slowly and there is a sort of an old man mile while everyone warms up before the race begins. It’s a nice change normally, very agreeable and gentlemanly.  Because there were quite a few non really old men in this race, the race went off like a normal cross-country race. I was a little surprised by this, so I ended up quite a bit back from where I wanted to be which was probably a very good thing.

6. Contact Sport

I think that because of my old man start I had a great opportunity to throw a few digs as I recovered my rightful position. First to get a dig was Viv, he gave me a scowl which made me happy. Then I saw Alan so I gave give him a dig too, he laughed which made me worried. Then I saw Meade, so I gave him a proper shove. Fortuitously just as I pushed off Meade with my right hand there was a left hand turn which I hadn’t been expecting as I was mainly focusing on getting a few digs in, the momentum from the shove was perfect and I glided up the inside of the turn onto the back of the lead group. I don’t know where Meade ended up. 

7. Form is Temporary

I think that you should never mess with someone who used to be good. It is a bad idea, especially when they used to be good only a short time ago and aren’t really finished with being good. About halfway through the second lap, Alan decided to become good again and appeared on my shoulder insulting me calling me all sorts of awful names. I was delighted that it wasn’t Viv or John Meade so I just tried to follow him and returned to my old way of thinking where Alan is respected and just followed.

8. John Joe

I think that John Joe is a great name for a cross country runner at a race in Castlelyons. All I could hear for most of the race was “Go on John Joe”. It was far more reliving to hear than Go on John. 

9. Five More Places

I think that it was very optimistic of Lizzie to think that I could make up five places for the team with about 400m to go. “only five more places”. Perhaps she was trolling me or maybe the lapped runners were confusing her. The five fellas in front had nearly finished at that stage. Impossible instructions are very unhelpful and not motivating.

10. Victory Over Meade

I think that I will never tire of crossing of the line and waiting for John Meade to cross after me. It is fabulous. It would have been better if I wasn’t thrown on the ground in a heap unable to watch but I can imagine how disappointed he looked crossing the line seeing me thrown victorious on the ground. Beating John Meade in a Masters XC that I suspect he had specifically targeted is probably my greatest achievement in the sport. If only all cross country races were in February in a farmers field in Castlelyons.

Dungarvan 10 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Dungarvan 10

1. Hibernia

I think that the Romans must have had Dungarvan in mind when they named Ireland. I think Hibernia means permanent winter in Latin. Dungarvan is permanent winter.

2. 10+10 Miles

I think that I have finally learnt my lesson about 10 mile warm ups before 10 mile races. I admit that it is very tempting, but an upcoming marathon does not justify the misery that is a 10 mile road race after a 10 mile warm up. Because of what I have learned, I limited myself to a two-mile warm up. After a mile of the warm up I met a windswept miserable looking Viv and Sean who were coming to the end of their first 10 miles. They looked utterly miserable so I was very happy with my decision.

3. Wind Delayed

I think that the start of the race was very odd. It was either the 11am start or the threat of the howling cold wind that made the first few 100 meters down to the roundabout very slow. Because everyone seemed to be jogging and the wind was behind us I went to the front and enjoyed leading the race for about 200m, it was lovely until we turned left at the roundabout into a vicious headwind. The second I felt the wind in my hair I knew that my time at the front had come to an end so I tucked in behind the people who should have been leading the race in the hope that the wind would be so ridiculously strong that I could follow behind them like Kipchoge behind a Tesla.

4. The Decision

I think that running in pack is one of the great feelings in running. It is fabulous to run along in a pack of runners that you know are way way better than you. I got to experience this for about 500m while it was decided who was going run into the wind. Once it had been decided I was quickly deposited out the back door with a few other stragglers like John Kinsella and Kevin O’Leary.

5. Go Solo

I think that ending up running solo in a 10 mile road race is a big mistake, you are always better off with company even if you don’t like the company. After being shelled from the pack that I was enjoying I sat in behind Kevin O’Leary, John Kinsella and some fella from Waterford. I was very happy at the back of this group and it would have been much better if we had all stayed together for the wind tunnel miles. Unfortunately, John Kinsella had other ideas and split the group to pieces so I ended up solo just before the point of the race where you didn’t want to be solo.

6. Unphotographable

I think that Formula 1 teams should rent out that stretch of road on the way out of Dungarvan for aerodynamic testing. It has to be the windiest road in the world. I think it is slightly uphill as well to make it worse. God it was miserable. I knew I was getting slower as I started to hear magic shoes behind me. I could picture in my head Viv sitting at the very back of a bunch of perfectly paced runners hiding so well from the wind that he won’t appear in any photographs. This thought made me both angry and worried.

7. Beautiful Wind

I think that the corner after the five-mile mark in this race might be my favourite corner in a road race. It feels so good when you get to that corner and turn sharp left. Then you feel the beautiful cold wind on your back pushing you along like magic shoes on the flat only magnified. Just like the magic shoes, a tail wind benefits some runners more than others, in my case the benefits are compounded.

8. The Eagles

I think that I’d have been better off not knowing that Viv had run 10 miles before the race. Being beaten a man who isn’t taking the race seriously and is only running “marathon pace” is a disgrace. After 7 miles I was left in the company of Viv and Aoife. I desperately wanted to destroy Viv, I was hoping that Aoife would help me but she seemed to be happy just to run with Viv probably because he is a nicer man than me, for this reason I tried a good few times to drop both of them from mile 7 to 8 but it didn’t work so I had to wait for the finish.

9. Don’t get Viv’d

I think that the last 800m of the race were glorious. They changed the finish this year. I think it is better, more dramatic and perfect for destroying Viv. When you turn off the roundabout with the terrible traffic you have to go back up a small little hill. To me this hill was the Alpe D’Huez, Viv was Jan Ulrich and I was Lance Armstrong, I wish I had given him “the look” just before I sprinted away from him. Someone shouted at me as I reached the top that I had sprint to avoid getting chick’d, I didn’t care about getting chick’d I was only worried about getting Viv’d.

10. Gaps Fuel Themselves

I think that the great thing about getting a gap on someone close to the finish is that the gap starts to feed itself. Once I realized that I had dropped Viv I was so delighted with myself that I only got faster all the way to the finish. If it had of been the Tour De France the team manger would have been on the radio yelling at me to take it handy so as not to alert the drug testers. It was a crushing victory. I’m starting to enjoy Dungarvan, beating Viv definitely helps, the wind wasn’t that bad.

Raheny 5 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Raheny 5 Mile

1. This is Going to be Great

I think that the 2020 version of Raheny was so spectacular that everyone turning up to the race today was expecting a huge PB in their well-worn magic shoes. Only the weather could possibly interfere with the inevitable ridiculous times. What could possibly go wrong?

2. The Fear

I think that the thing that I fear most about Raheny is the pace. I spent the whole drive up worried that I wouldn’t be able to run fast at the start because I haven’t done anything fast since Spain. It is kind of odd because the ability to run fast isn’t the limiting factor. It’s the ability to keep running fast, anyone can run fast for a bit.

3. Enjoying the Warm Up

I think that not racing for a month is bad for you. You get way too nervous before the race and start to self sabotage. I did a ridiculous warm up and kind of forgot about the time. I got back to the car with 10 minutes to put on my magic shoes and sprint down to the start. This would be fine in most races but Raheny is not most races.

4. It'll Be Grand

I think that Ireland’s approach to the disease is very strange. It has gone from absolute hysteria and madness to “Sure, It’ll be grand” in the space of a week. A few masks wouldn’t have gone astray in the cattle pen of the start, it will probably be grand.

5. Selfie Crowd

I think that if the people in front of you at the start of a race are taking selfies then you are way way too far back.

6. Slalom

I think that starting so far back was probably the best thing that could have happened as it calmed the first mile down significantly. I spent about 5 seconds getting across the start, then I had to slalom my way through people on their phones drinking water from their hydration packs for about 500m.

7. Blame the Racewalkers

I think that races with cone turnarounds are always problematic. When I was doing my warmup I saw all the marks from the race walking championships a few weeks back up and down the avenue I thought I’d hate to be the poor guy responsible for the cone. When we came out onto the avenue during the race it seemed to take forever to get to the cone. I assumed it was just the terrible headwind.

8. I Can Move When I Want To

I think that my sprinting ability is very underrated. When we exited the park I suddenly felt Bernard on my shoulder. Then Kieran McKeown’s Aidan appeared. When we rounded the corner into the finishing straight one of the Runnerbeans podcast fellas appeared. This made me very angry so I found speed from somewhere and flew up the finishing straight passing a surprised looking Bernard and destroying the Runnerbean. I was delighted with myself.

9. The Russians

I think that because I was so focused on racing Bernard and the Runnerbean I didn’t look at the clock initially. When I did look I didn’t believe it. My first thought was “Have the Russians hacked the carbon plates in the magic shoes and disabled them? It couldn’t be true could it? That time? What if it is? I’ll never be able to trust myself again and will have to spend the entire race looking at my watch every two seconds to make sure I’m running fast enough like John O’Connell used to.

10. Alternative Facts

I think that if you wanted to torment a load of runners then this was possibly the best way that you could have. When I crossed the line, you could tell something was wrong. The grief was palpable. Most people were bent over staring at their watches praying that it would offer an alternative fact. It was almost funny. Having run in so many approximados races in Spain I’m well used to it so I didn’t really mind the alternative distance. It is a race after all, a very very good race, maybe the best race.

San Silvestre Sevilla 2021 5k

10 Things I Think About The San Silvestre Sevilla

1. This Race was brought to you by Magic Shoes

I think that magic shoes have changed racing. The last time I did back to back races it ended in a crippling injury which kept me out for about 2 years. With magic shoes back to back races is no problem, its not even particularly hard. It’s like being 24 again but in a 35-year-old body. When I woke in the morning after the race in Chiclana the night before I felt nothing so as I was on holidays and it was sunny, I decided that I’d do a 7 mile shakeout before the race in the evening.

2. The Park

I think that the Star Wars Park in Seville is my favourite running park. It’s not the biggest and it doesn’t have a long loop but it is definitely the running loop with the most spectacular buildings in the world. The orange dusty hard gravel surface is also my favourite running surface. It’s just a great little park.

3. Joma

I think that Joma must be the most underrated shoe brand in the world. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone wear Joma shoes before. I have Joma shorts and a pink Joma singlet but Joma shoes, that would be crazy. Lining up against a sea of magic shoes in green Joma flats is very brave. I had done a session with the guy in the Joma shoes the last time I was Seville so I knew he was good but I thought that in my magic shoes I had a chance.

4. Dust

I think that my favorite thing about this race is the trail of dust that the car and the runners kick up at the start of this race. It is a great thing to see in December. We don’t have dust in Ireland as dust requires sun. The mad start plus the orange dust with the Plaza De Espana in the background is just excellent.

5. Detonations

I think that this Spanish race was unusual in that there appeared to be very few detonations. My goal for the race was to get as close to and stay as close to the guy in the Joma shoes for as long as possible. I tried to stay at the back of the pack as the pace was very fast and I’m not really able for anything much faster than 4:55 pace.

6. The Magical Gap

I think that running often fools you into thinking that if you could just have not let that gap open you’d have run so much faster. The reason the gap opened is because I wasn’t able to run that fast. It isn’t some sort of conspiracy or some mystery gaps happen because of lack of ability. In this case the gap to the front group happened after about 2k. It was as frustrating as always as the guys in the front group looked like they were having so much fun in their aerodynamic pack while I floundered behind heading up the group of rejects.

7. Kilometer Markers

I think that the kilometer markers for this race were placed entirely at random. I wasn’t looking at my watch but I reckon the 4km marker was at about 2.5k. Perhaps it was a cunning sports psychology experiment into making us think the race was nearly over. It certainly worked.

8. Feels Fast

I think that this is about as fast as I have ever felt in a race. It seems that a combination of perfect weather and a perfect course is better than any perfect training and preparation. I have never felt as good towards the end of the race. I still got passed out by two people in the finishing straight but I still felt like I was moving well.

9. Approximados

I think there is a good to almost certain chance that the 5k was not accurate and was approximados 5k. I got 3.08 miles on my watch which is close enough. But all 5k road races should be taken with a pinch of salt anyway. At least it wasn’t downhill like Newmarket.

10. San Silvestre

I think that doing San Silvestre races in Spain for a week is a great way to end the year. I finally found out where San Silvestre comes from. It is because the 31st of December is Saint Silvestre's day. Saint Silvestre is my favorite saint. He must have really liked running.

San Silvestre Chiclanera 2021

10 Things I Think About the San Silvestre Chiclanera ~5.5k

1. Loading Bay

I think that parking in Spain is the hardest part of driving in Spain. You have two choices, ridiculous underground car parks and on street parking which will result in your car being scratched. As I expected Chiclana was not designed for cars, with about as many parking spaces as American tourists. I eventually found a curiously empty spot so left the car there while I got the dorsal for the race. When I got back to the car there were two lottery stall people giving out to me pointing at the loading bay sign so I had to go and find another spot, thankfully someone pulled out of a lovely spot just in front of a playground for Billy to continue his “El Diablo” terrorizing of Spanish playgrounds. .

2. Imperdibles

I think that the safety pins for this race were the most carefully packed safety pins ever. They were so well packed I didn’t know what they were. The four safety pins were wrapped in a tiny package with the race logo printed on it. It must have taken someone days to do.

3. Meta

I think that the start of the Chiclana race was particularly unsuitable for someone of my size especially when racing Spaniards with a significant size advantage. It started on a steep uphill with a left hand turn at the top. As normal in Spain everyone was wearing masks at the start so for the first 100m you had to sprint uphill with a mask on. This was particularly horrible. I started very badly and had to use a few of the Spaniards as leverage to get going up the hill. I don’t think that they were used to my starting technique.

4. Tranquillo

I think that I was very glad to see that once we got to the top of the hill the guys at the front stalled the pace while they took off their masks. It was still fast but not the complete madness in Malaga. I decided that I wouldn’t make the same mistake as in Malaga so I sat at the back of a big group of about 20, this was a mistake as this was a different style of race.

5. Fermín Cacho

I think that all Spanish runners must train as 1500m runners when they are young. It must be something to do with Fermin Cacho. In nearly every race I have run in Spain the first 1500m of the race is the hardest. They are exceptionally good for that first mile. It is amazing how far back you can be in a Spanish race after a mile and still end up in the top 3.

6. Fortress Chiclana

I think that it helped to be a local in this race. The streets in Chiclana were definitely designed to help defend the city from foreign vandals and vikings. After the initial stall in pace the guys at the front of the pack suddenly took off stretching out the group down the hill through the winding narrow streets. I was stuck at the back and because of all the twists and turns I missed the break.

7. Catch the Locals

I think that Spain is the only place where I catch people on hills. The first lap of the race took us back to the start where we had to run back up the hill again. I was in about 7th place trying to catch the locals that had escaped up the road. The minute we hit the hill four of them came back to me all of a sudden and I swept by them up into 3rd.

8. Random Distance

I think that not having any idea of the course or distance is a great way to get rid of the mental side of running. If you don’t know when the finish is all you can do is run as hard as you can for as long as you can. Chiclana was a 5.5k race which is a great distance free from any PB nonsense. At no point in the race had I any idea how close to the finish we were.

9. Pegasus

I think that I never caught as many people in a race as in Chiclana, once I had dispatched the locals on the uphill there were only two guys ahead. On the second longer lap out by the river I managed to catch one of them and get up to second place. I didn’t think there was anyone behind me because I couldn’t hear the sound of any magic shoes behind me. As we ran back through main street of the town I started to recognize the streets again so realized that we were near the finish. As soon as this thought entered my head a Spaniard in a pair of Pegasus danced out from behind me and outsprinted me for second. Third isn’t too bad I suppose. According to the guy in the Pegasus the guy who won the race is a Spanish champion junior triathlete like Chris Mintern and is unbeatable.

10. Chiclana

I think that the San Silvestre in Chiclana is the best of the San Silvestres in the area, Chipiona is pretty similar but I think I prefer Chiclana. The course in Chiclana is very excellent and the atmosphere was like a mountain stage of the Tour De France. Running through old narrow Spanish streets at 6pm on a warm sunny winters evening is so much fun. Unfortunately, because of the disease there was no podium so I didn’t get my prize for third so I’ll have to come back next year to try and win it, and maybe if I don’t win they can give me my prize from this year.

III San Silvestre Solidaria RCM Malaga 2021

10 Things I Think About The III San Silvestre Solidaria RCM Malaga ~10k 2021

1. A Wedding, a Christmas and a Flight

I think that running a race a few hours after getting off a plane is a bad idea. It is especially a bad idea the day after Christmas. It felt like all of the blood in my body was in my calves when I went to warm up. Flights do bad things to my legs, they swell up, sort of like a bag of crisps if you take it on the plane.

2. El Diablo

I think that Spain has the best playgrounds in the world. There are playgrounds everywhere, on every street corner, on a run you might pass 20 of them. There was an excellent playground beside the building where you collected the dorsals for the race. Billy had great fun chasing two Spanish children around, they called him El Diablo, I hope that If I get good at running they will call me El Diablo too.

3. Masks

I think that the Spanish are excellent at masks, very excellent, probably better than the Germans. You have to wear a mask outside if you aren’t running which is great because everyone feels safe from the runners so you don’t get any abuse or scowling. At the start of a race you have to wear a mask until a few 100m after the start. Taking off your mask while running full tilt and putting it on my upper arm is a skill I didn’t think I’d ever have to develop. If the strap of your mask breaks while doing this you don’t have to worry as at the finish they will give you a new mask. It is great.

4. Light Show

I think that there should be more races at night during the winter. I much prefer running in the evening as I am awake. The race started at 7pm which unlike in Ireland is only 30 minutes after sunset in Spain in December. This is one of the main reasons I like Spain in December, each day is about 2 hours brighter than Ireland.

5. Follow the Motorbike

I think that you don’t need to understand the language to understand what is said at the start of a race. The race director appeared at the start line with a motorbike helmet. I couldn’t understand a word but from his gesticulations I understood that we were to follow the motorbike and not the car.

6. Loco

I think that this might have been the fastest race start I have ever been involved in. It was completely mad. It was supposed to be a 10k but everyone took off like it was a 1500m race. I was about 30th after about a kilometer, when I looked back on Strava it was about 4:30 pace for the first kilometer so god knows what the 30 people ahead of me were doing. It wasn’t like they had any hope of maintaining this pace, it just appears to be the done thing in Spain regardless of ability.

7. Roundabout

I think that I now understand why the roundabout in the Kipchoge 1:59 challenge was cambered. It is very hard to run completely around a roundabout at full tilt wearing magic shoes. The roundabout in Malaga was very small which made it even harder.

8. Who Blows up Least

I think that if I were to run this race again I would run the first kilometer a lot more conservatively and work my way through. It would have been far more fun. Instead I spent the next 8k passing Spaniards that had completely detonated. I had blown up too but not as badly. It was a very strange race. I was lucky it was only 5.8 miles and not the advertised 10k as I was in major trouble by the end.

9. The Disease

I think that the Next% disease is just as bad in Spain now as it is back home. It probably isn’t as contagious as the Irish version as it seems to have only infected the front of the field. Further back it is mainly Asics and Joma shoes. The disease is definitely as virulent in Spain as the times have improved significantly.

10. No Podium

I think it was a shame that the other disease that has impacted running meant that there would be no podium. I finished 3rd in the masculino category which would have normally resulted in a podium trip despite finishing 9th overall. I don’t understand how a podium could be considered a high-risk activity, but I suppose it was a case of give something up to appease the gods.