Corkbeg 4 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Corkbeg 4 Mile 2023

1. Another Day Another Race

I think that it is interesting how amazing people find it to do two races in a row. Don’t worry I don’t think it is clever or the best way to get better at running. I just enjoy running races and it doesn’t appear to be causing any terrible injuries, yet. I did enough training during the lockdowns to know that training isn’t going to turn me into an elite athlete so I might as well just do what I enjoy while waiting for the next generation of magic shoes to arrive and improve my times.

2. November Rain

I think that it is amazing how few races are run in the rain. For all the whinging we do about the weather invariably it doesn’t rain during road races. The Thursday night of Corkbeg was a different matter, it was a terrible day, the sort of day that you start to think they might cancel the race. Then you remember that it is being organised by East Cork A.C and realise that it will be on no matter how bad it gets.

3. Efficiency

I think that Corkbeg must be the most efficient road race I have ever run. There is minimal fuss, hand over €5 get your number jog up the hill to the start, run the race, collect your prize and go home. Fantastic. Nick O’Donoghue told me at the start that it was preferable that we all left as soon as possible after the race. I am very much in favour of this style of race.

4. The Tourmalet

I think that the Corkbeg 4 mile route is unique in that the hardest part of the race route is the jog up to the start. You’d want to leave a good 10 minutes to get up to the start from the village as it is a very steep hill. I had some difficulty taking off my wet non-magic shoes so I was one of the last people to leave the village. It was only when I overtook Denis McCarthy on the jog up the mountain that I was sure that they wouldn’t start with out me.

5. Doomsday Siren

I think that this is the only race I have run where you get to hear what sounds like an air raid siren just after the start. They must test the power station alarm at 8pm every Thursday as just after we started it sounded like the world was ending. It is a particularly ominous sound. It was a little off putting as for a moment you think what would we actually do if there was an actual alarm during the race. Would we just keep on running until we got to Midleton?

6. The Coffee Trio

I think that we had a nice group of three at the front of the race. Once the doomsday siren had finished it was just myself, James McCarthy and Nathan O’Leary chasing the excellently driven and pleasantly smelling Rooskagh Coffee van around the roads of Whitegate. Our pursuit of the coffee van was aided by a warm tailwind which almost entirely negated the uphill start.

7. Break the Tape

I think that when you are in a race it is always a good idea to check the legs of your competitors for signs of weakness or KT tape. After about a mile I spotted the tape on James McCarthy’s inner hamstring, cleverly he had used skin colour tape so it was difficult to spot. As I have had ever niggle known to man I knew exactly where he was vulnerable with that particular niggle, downhills would not be James’s friend. Unfortunately for James, the Corkbeg route has lots of downhills so myself and Nate made it good and difficult for him.

8. Corners

I think that KT tape must be magic stuff as there was no shedding James on the downhills. Just before 3 miles we encountered my great weakness sharp left hand corners. I led into the corner overshot the exit and lost the ground that I would never make up. James and Nate accelerated out of the corner up the gradual incline to the next sharp right hand turn and took off down the hill to Whitegate with a gap that I couldn’t and wouldn't close.

9. Roadworks

I think that if I had of gotten to the roadworks in Whitegate in contact with James and Nate I might have finished third in a slightly faster time. Once we turned right at the roadworks we turned into a strong headwind. Nate leading James into the wind, I closed the gap slightly as Nate tried to get James to come through but as we approached Donie and Con with about 150m to go the sprint began and my involvement in the race ended. I did however get to see James dance past Nate with 50m to go to win. I ran home in third which meant a prize. I like prizes.

10. Perfection

I think that the prizes in Corkbeg are wonderful. It is a proper old style race. Once we crossed there was ample water for everyone, anyone who won a prize was instructed to return to the school to collect it immediately so everyone could go home and dry off. First prize was a suitcase which looked excellent, second was a fan which would be very handy during these climate change warmed nights and my reward for third was a kettle which we will use as a travel kettle as you can’t trust the kettles in hotels. Old style road races are best.

Sterling 5K Cork BHAA 2023

10 Things I Think About The Sterling 5K

1. New Name Same Race

I think that it is interesting how the races in the BHAA change over the years. Novartis is no more replaced by Sterling. I would love to try and organise a race at work to add a new name to the list but I think I am currently not able for the stress. I will some day hopefully.

2. This Might Be The Night

I think that it is a bad sign when you are relying on other people not showing up in order to win but in my case in the absence of training properly it is the only way. I thought that this might be the night as there was a great PB by me race on in Dundrum that people were willing to drive miles to and the Novartis I mean Sterling route is the opposite of a great PB by me route. Unfortunately when I was driving in to the plant I saw Barry Twohig and then on the warm up Mark Walsh hopped out of a bush.

3. Green and Blue

I think that green is one of the better colours for a singlet. There aren’t usually many green singlets but for some reason there were lots of them on the start line for this race. I nearly made a photo of four green singlets but realised that I wasn’t actually wanted in the photo. Worryingly two of the green singlets were An Riocht singlets from Kerry. Kerry people usually don’t come to Cork unless they mean business.

4. The Bus

I think that we almost spent as much time on the start line as we did running the race. There was a very good atmosphere at the start so no one cared. I particularly liked the false start that made me jump. Then a bus turned up and we all had to get off to let the bus pass. We were offered the opportunity to get on the bus if we changed our mind about doing the race but no one took up the offer.

5. Off The Mark

I think that I got off the line particularly well but that was about as good as the race got. Normally when you feel good for the first 50m it bodes well for the rest of the race but after 50m I was passed by Mark Walsh, A Kerryman and Barry Twohig. I don’t know why I let them get a little gap but I did and that was a big mistake.

6. Hanging on Like a Yo-Yo

I think that it is amazing how much easier it is to run in a group of three than a group of one. Mark, Barry and the Kerryman had a lovely group for the second and third kilometre which were uphill into the wind past Pfizer and Biomarin. I was stuck as an independent contractor labouring into the wind wishing that I could swap places with Barry Twohig who was cleverly sitting in the quarterback position behind Mark and the Kerryman.

7. Not The Kerry BHAA

I think that Kerry people shouldn’t be allowed to run in the Cork BHAA. It is very disruptive when they turn up. The Kerryman changed the race completely. If the Kerryman had stayed in Kerry them I’m sure that I would have had an easier race running with Mark and Barry good Cork runners. Mark was clearly determined not to take any chances with a sprint finish with an unknown Kerryman and by the time we began the descent after the chicane at the top of the hill he had opened a gap over Barry and the Kerryman.

8. Hope

I think there is a reason why in track races they never pan back to the people that have been dropped from the front group. If you get dropped from a group in a race, 99% of the time you are done and aren’t coming back. As I began the descent after the chicane at the top of the hill I thought that I might be that 1% of the time. I closed the gap to the Kerryman and as we passed the 4km marker I was right on his tail. Barry was just ahead of the Kerryman with Mark up the road probably thinking about using the John Buckley Sports voucher he was about to win on upgrading from his Sports Direct shorts.

9. Cruel Hill

I think that the last hill on this route makes it one of the most difficult 5k routes around. As we swung left and began our ascent up to the finish I thought I had some chance of a podium but Barry and the Kerryman took off undoing all the good work I had done on the downhill. Barry did well to hold off the fast finishing Kerryman with Mark Walsh well clear in first. I had to watch the clock tick over the magically 16 minute barrier and continue on for quite a few seconds afterwards.

10. First Influencer

I think that this race might have had the best prize giving ever for a BHAA race. It was magnificently efficient, so efficient that I nearly missed it. I’m glad I didn’t miss it as not only did they have an excellent prize for 4th of some cash and a John Buckley Sports voucher I got to do a proper entrance with excellent applause which Mark Walsh said was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever seen considering I’d finished fourth. Mark will have to work on his influencer game. It’s not about winning, it’s about influencing, that’s what sport is about.

Achill Half Marathon 2023

10 Things I Think About the Achill Half Marathon

1. Banshees of Inisherin

I think that the Banshees of Inisherin, Achill Half Marathon and running go well together. The film sells Achill and the half marathon brilliantly while also perfectly describing most male running friendships. I have never driven anyone, not even John Meade or Michael Herlihy to cutting their fingers off but I could imagine how that would happen if we were stuck on Achill Island and couldn’t find anyone else to run with.

2. The Cold Queue

I think that they will need to build a few more hotels on Achill after the film. We had to stay in Westport and drive up on the morning of the race as everything was booked up. Westport is only an hour from Achill so it’s fine as the race doesn’t start until 1030am. The parking is excellent as there are acres of sand dunes to park on. I left Rhona to join the short queue of people complaining about the cold while I ran up the hill to the Beehive Cafe for a warmup and to use the toilet for which there was no queue.

3. What About Tubridy?

I think that Brendan Courtney nearly caused me an injury at the start. I didn’t realize he was going to start the race and was distracted thinking wouldn’t it be very funny if I went up to him and said something about Tubridy to him. While I was picturing it in my head how funny it would be, the race started. Tudor and two other fellas took off up the road and I was left standing on the line thinking about Tubridy.

4. Same as Last Year Please

I think it was terrible that Gary O’Hanlon didn’t tell Tudor to take it handy like we did last year. I was hoping for a lovely run around Achill again at a civilized pace. Instead, this year we took off like uncivilized lunatics. I looked down at my watch after a kilometer and saw 5:08 minute mile pace with three lads a good bit ahead. “Do they know the course at all?” I thought. I kept going just in case they’d back off after a mile but they didn’t so I calmed down and decided they were gone mad and would pay the price later.

5. Wind, Wind and More Wind

I think that there is a special type of wind on Achill Island, on the drive over I noticed that the trees kind of face back towards the mainland like as if they would leave and walk away if they hadn’t roots. We had the wind at our backs for the first five miles which was negated by the huge hill we had to run up. They when we turned at what used to be a chipper at the bottom of the hill, we turned into a vicious headwind for the remained of the route back to the finish. It would have been fine if it had of been a civilized pace like last year but this year I was left solo in fourth to battle the wind.

6. The Field

I think that it was inevitable that an American would turn up after the success of the film. Once we turned into the wind Tudor and a guy in purple who I had never seen before were gone into the distance with the prize money for first and second. Between me and the only remaining prize money for third was what I correctly assumed was an American mainly because of his New Balance singlet which looked American.

7. Money, Money, Money

I think this is one of the few races I have run where I can honestly say that my primary motivation during the race was money. There is very good prize money in Achill, €450 for 1st, €250 for 2nd and €150 for 3rd but nothing for 4th. Unfortunately, after 7 miles of hard work I found myself in 4th unable to get within 50m of the American who was firmly in possession of my €150. Slowly but surely, I reeled him in by using my course knowledge from the previous year and my superior wind running ability. By mile 8 I had caught him and went to go by on the windiest section. He immediately tucked in behind which I was having none of, so we slowed down together to near walking pace and talked. I persuaded him to take turns, 6 telephone poles on and 6 off so we did.

8. Decisive Doogort

I think that I was particularly worried about the American stealing my money. He seemed very comfortable and looked like he was just out for a steady long run as he wasn’t breathing particularly hard and he had the efficient stride of a 1500m runner. I thought about telling him that I am a poor Irishman and that I need the money to buy my family potatoes so that he might let me come third. Thankfully before I had to resort to such tactics I was able to get a small gap on the steep climb out of Doogort. Now all I had to do was maintain the gap and I’d have my money.

9. Feed The Gap

I think that I was probably too worried about the €150. I spent from mile 9 to the finish terrified that the American was right on my back following me up every little climb. I was convinced that he was right behind me as I could hear footsteps right behind. As we passed the sign for the Deserted Village I counted the seconds between my passing and the next clap from the inhabitants of the nearby village, there was no gap so I assumed he was right on my back. Never look back though that would only give him confidence and I’d lose the money in the inevitable sprint against the powerful looking American 1500m runner.

10. Socks and Sandals

I think that it is amazing the power of the mind. I knew I needed a good gap on the American by the top of the last hill with a mile to go as during our brief exchange while we discussed cooperation, he said that he was very good at downhills. When I reached the top of the hill I could still hear footsteps so I pushed as hard as I could down the hill to the beach and onto the smooth tarmac of the finishing straight. I sprinted as hard as I could while asking the confused looking onlookers how much of a gap I had. No one would tell me. I got to the line in 3rd in the money and very happy. Then I waited for the American who I expected to be right behind but wasn’t. Was it an imaginary American? He turned up two minutes later, he’d cramped up as soon as I’d passed him and jogged home. Ah well, at least I got a decent time from it and most importantly €150.

Cloyne 5k 2023

10 Things I Think About The Cloyne 5k

1. Running with the East Corkonians

I think that East Cork is like the Rift Valley of Ireland. There must be something about the terrain, the way they resurface the roads or the potatoes that they eat that makes them so good. Cloyne is like Eldoret, the gateway to the centre of running excellence, they should almost put up a sign.

2. Shakeout

I think that the most important thing to do when you are doing back to back races is to do a short run the day of the second race to check for any problems. Due to magic shoes problems tend to be very obvious so if there is no pain then it’s good to go for the race. That’s my method anyway. Like an early warm up.

3. Playground

I think that a playground is an excellent place to park for a race. As we arrived into Cloyne I spotted the playground opposite the field where the County Senior XC was on years ago when I used to run well for Togher. We parked up but Billy had fallen asleep so there was no need for a playground, I left the car there anyway incase he awakened which he didn’t. It was about a mile to the start which was an imperfect warm up.

4. Winding Down

I think that when your great running career is winding down like mine, it is perfectly acceptable to do back to back races and not take running too seriously. I’m hoping that the winding down process will be longer than my actual running career as I prefer not worrying than trying to be excellent. Due to magic shoes the winding down period seems to be better than the actual career period.

5. Pacing

I think that I actually considered Lizzie’s incredibly generous offer to let me pace her for the course record. I am an excellent pacer and my services are frequently requested. I thought about it briefly and then decided no I’ll try and beat Heywood instead as he was due a beating after Cobh.

6. Harty

I think that Michael Harty ruined my race. We lined up about a mile outside Cloyne on a a backroad to a backroad with a unique road surface. Michael Harty took off and took James Hayes and Tony Forristal away from me. I took a while to get going owing to the previous nights race so I ended up dangling 5 seconds behind in no mans land. At least I had good sight of the random road surface.

7. Triggers Broom

I think that the road surface in Cloyne is amazing. I can’t believe that Michael Harty hasn’t written a daily letter to the local TD looking for a Vienna style smooth tarmac surface. It’s an extraordinary surface that would have required less tarmac to resurface properly once than to individually fill in each pothole numerous times. It does however provide a certain character to the race, it almost wouldn’t be as good without it.

8. Peter The Monster

I think that it was great to finally race Peter Hanrahan. He appeared on my shoulder just after a mile. Initially I feared it was Heywood then I realised that he was taller than me so that could only be Peter. Racing Peter is odd as I almost wanted him to beat me. Unfortunately our spell together ended after 2 miles and I was left to pointlessly chase James Hayes on my own.

9. Photos

I think that I was focused on the wrong thing for the last 200m. Donie was standing at the 3 mile mark, as I passed him he said 32 seconds to go sub 16. I knew however that Garry Lee was standing between 3 miles and 5k and as I was solo in 5th it was the perfect opportunity for lots of excellent photos. I didn’t get sub 16 but I did get 10 excellent sequential photos of my biomechanical brilliance.

10. The Aftermath

I think that as I get older my immediate concern after every race is to check for any injuries. There are a couple things that you can do to avoid injury. Don’t sit on steps as this causes calf cramping, don’t pick up a heavy toddler either as this can cause back and glute injuries. The best thing to do as in Cloyne is to keep standing and walking and talk about how disappointed you are not to have run a great PB by me with the other people who are similarly disappointed.

DePuy Synthes Cork BHAA 4 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The DePuy Synthes Cork BHAA 4 Mile

 1. Variation on a Theme

I think that it is interesting how courses change over the years. The new park in Haulbowline has changed all the races in Ringaskiddy. There was never a flat race in Ringskiddy before now, they all always had huge big climbs up towards Carrigaline. Now we have nice flat courses which should in theory be perfect for great PBs by me.

 2. Dilution

I think that the number of races is leading to a dilution of numbers. Normal people like John Meade only do one race a week so when there’s a race on every night of the week except Tuesday the potential for beating people and tormenting people is severely reduced. It’s possibly time to introduce mandatory racing, like how the GAA would turn up at your house and drag you out the door to play an U16 match in Banogue.

3. Chronic Lateness

I think the problem with doing lots of races is that you begin not to worry about being on time and get used to turning up twenty minutes beforehand and doing a mile warm up. When I arrived in Ringaskiddy I spotted the perfect parking spot right opposite the finish, all I had to do was move a questionably placed cone, the sort of cone that if you move it doesn’t make any difference and no one will notice as it’s the last cone.

4. Wednesday Evening Quarterback

I think that I couldn’t have asked for a better group to run with in the race that John Meade and James McCarthy. Two classic BHAA runners, ever present since about 2008, always consistent. From the off I sat in behind them like quarterback perfectly protected from the directionless wind.

5. Wind Turbine

I think that there was a mysterious wind blowing in Ringaskiddy on Wednesday night. It was all over the place, I tried to figure out the direction by looking at the wind turbines but it seemed to be changing all of the time. It was particularly noticeable as we went over the bridge towards the naval base. I can’t imagine what running around the park would be like on windy day as it was bad enough on a calm evening.

6. Fake John Meade

I think that John Meade must have body doubles like Vladimir Putin it is the only way he could maintain his schedule. The double that turned up on Wednesday night was definitely a Fake John Meade. It must be a new double who is only being trained in as after only two miles it was malfunctioning and making unusual noises. The noises were so unusual that I got distracted and James McCarthy nearly got away. Fortunately I realised that it was a Fake John Meade and overtook it and hopped onto the back of James.

7. Running Royalty

I think that I’d be better off if I didn’t know the history of James McCarthy. I definitely had too much respect for him on Wednesday, I was almost afraid of him. Ever since I started running way back in about 2008 James has always been winning, it was always either him or Sean McGrath. It feels odd to be following him in a race, so odd that it seems like I’d be doing something wrong to overtake him.

8. Headwind

I think that any chance of a great PB by me was ended by the directionless wind that managed to turn into a vicious headwind for the return to Ringaskiddy. As we passed the three-mile marker fake John Meade had been well dropped and was at risk of being caught for fourth. I was sitting behind James McCarthy in second not really believing what was happening. When we hit the headwind, James being the canny experienced winner that he is let me burn myself out into the wind before gradually slowly but surely picking up the pace until a tiny gap opened between us.

 9. Chimp Paradox

I think that I will have to go and spend money on a sports psychologist. I am useless at winning. I am forever finishing second or third or fourth. It must be confidence as I’m nearly there, it can’t be over racing or bad training or whatever other things that you can do wrong as a runner. If I had the correct sports psychology I’d have dug deep and overhauled James McCarthy in the last 400m before raising my hands like the fake John Meade had been trained to do. Instead I stayed three seconds behind James happy out to have beaten fake John Meade and come second instead of third.

10. John Buckley Sports Power Rankings

I think that there should be a new high performance ranking system for cork running. It should be based on the value of John Buckley sports vouchers you have collected over the course of a calendar year. It’s the perfect system as it accounts for consistency, performance and it’s even age graded. Current leaders would likely be Alfie Davis and John Meade. My new goal is to be top of the leaderboard by the end of the year. I reckon the lads have enough for a new pair of Vaporflys so I’ve a lot of catching up to do.

Coolagown 10k 2023

10 Things I Think About The Coolagown 10k

1. Anti-Hero

I think that I am officially the anti-hero to John Meade. This is certainly the case in places like Coolagown, where the appearance of John Meade is treated with great respect and reverence. I almost feel evil turning up to try and knock him off his perch.

2. The Search for John Meade

I think that it was unsurprising to arrive at the race and hear the commentator anticipating the arrival of the great John Meade. There was a hint of panic in the voice of the commentator as there had been no official sighting of the great man. Anthony Mannix had been seen but no John Meade. They continued to hope, Coolagown 10k wouldn’t be the same without John Meade would it.

3. Late On Two Fronts

I think that this is the first time that I have been late both entering and turning up for the race. I missed the online entry because I thought I’d already entered. The new Eventmaster system is a big problem when you enter as many races as I do because all the emails look the same and you can’t figure out what you’ve entered. Thankfully the race poster had a phone number, so I sent a message and was told to bring €15 to the tent which I did slightly after the 710pm cutoff for collection.

4. Normal People

I think that only John Meade would miss a race in Coolagown to make his acting debut in an opera in city hall. On the starting line the timing guy was trying to figure out who was present from last year. He called out my name and then looked for John Meade. I had been sent a message live from the stage/beach just before the race, so I was able to say “John Meade is not here he’s acting, no seriously, that’s what he’s doing, he’s acting”. Everyone agreed that this was a plausible explanation and off we went John Meadeless.  

5. Magic Singlet

I think that the next big break through in running will come from clothing. Shoes have become about as magic as is possible. The next revolution will be some sort of fabric that keeps your body temperature optimal while running. You can already buy a graphene singlet that is supposed to make you feel cold at any temperature below 18 degrees. I am not quite convinced of the technology to spend €200 on a singlet so I bought the nice Asics singlet with lots of tiny holes in it that I saw Sergiu wearing in Galbally last year instead. Magic singlet doesn’t quite have the same ring to it though, does it?

6. Commentary Van

I think that my favourite thing about this race apart from the absence of the new Paul Mescal was the commentary van. Dick O’Brien does a fabulous job reclining in the back of the van providing excellent commentary on the race from an entirely horizontal position. After the confusion with Nick O’Donoghue last year, I’m sure that he was absolutely certain of my name.

7. Silage Season

I think that the first mile of the race was very pleasant, we took off down the first of the two and a half downhill miles, myself and Anthony Mannix went to the front and after about a mile and a half we had opened a good gap on third according to Dick in the van. After about 2 miles we came to a junction where our rhythm was briefly interrupted by a convoy of silage wagons. I was quite happy to be still with Anthony as John Meade had already dispatched me by this time last year.

8. Water Barrels

I think that I did a good job of hanging onto Anthony Mannix, the magic shoes have resulted in closer racing as it is a lot easier than it used be to hang onto the back of someone. Despite my extra cooling singlet, I felt terrible and even had to take a water bottle after three miles. The water bottle setup was extremely excellent with barrels which had been cut in half just after the water station to throw your water bottle into. Cork City Marathon should ask the people of Coolagown for the patent for the design.

9. In the Name of the Father

I think it was probably inevitable that Dick would get my name wrong at some stage during the race. He might just be doing it to wind me up. After five miles myself and Anthony were still together as we turned right out onto the semi major road Dick announced; “Anthony Mannix closely followed by Tim Coakley”. I couldn’t let this one go so I shouted up at the van “Tim Coakley is my father”. “Donal is clearly not suffering too much as he was able to tell me that Tim Coakley is his father”. This was not true as I was suffering majorly to hang onto Anthony.

10. Same Ending Different Week

I think that what happened on the steep ramp back to the finish in the well kept village that is Coolagown was inevitable. I got to the left turn back up the hill on par with Anthony. As soon as we hit the short steep gradient Anthony put the hammer down and I was quickly dropped. There was nothing I could do, I am too big to go up a steep hill as quick as Anthony, it’s basic physics, it’s not over racing, it’s not imperfect training, it’s physics and talent. I tried to catch him on the short downhill to the finish but it was too late, second again for the second year in a row, a little bit quicker than last year at least, must have been the magic singlet. I‘ll try again next year. I’d never miss Coolagown.

Donoughmore 7 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Donoughmore 7 Mile

1. UNESCO World Heritage Race

I think that running needs a system where great races like the Donoughmore 7 can be protected. It is one of the great races in Ireland if not the World. It is a special race with a great history, run on the same mad course every year. This was the 40th edition, it would be great if it could make it to 60 editions mainly so that I can run it when I am old and try to beat Billy in whatever new magic shoes exist by then.

2. The Cup

I think that it felt bad to remove the cup for winning last years race from the mantlepiece. You know that it was the first proper trophy that I have won because I took it straight in to have it engraved after the race last year and didn’t wait until the week before the race like a proper runner would do. I am insanely happy that my name is on the same trophy as Michael Herlihy primarily because I know that it torments him greatly. Hopefully in 3000 years the trophy will be found in some archaeological dig and the archaeologist will think that both these runners were of similar running ability. They might even put it in a museum.

3. Late

I think I might have run a bit better if it were not for my genetic lateness. I overdid the warmup a little and forgot that the start is a bit down the hill so I had limited time to put on my Vaporfly 3s which take ages to put on. You know you are very late when you meet Jerry Forde coming against you on the way down to the start. The race organizers in Donoughmore run a tight ship and rightly threatened to disqualify me for lateness but I appealed the decision and was let take up my rightful position on the front row beside Kieran McKeown and Barry Twohig.

4. Evan Checks Out

I think that Evan from Clonmel must run up and down that Mountain Road in Clonmel very often to be able to do what he did to the Donoughmore course. Evan was out of sight after 800m, gone into the distance never to be seen again. It was like he had some sort of cheat code that made the first two miles flat instead of the cruel gradient that the rest of us had to suffer on. He probably could have stopped for a cup of tea served in the excellent race mug halfway around and still have won by a minute. It was very impressive.

5. Did I Mention That I Won it Already

I think that we probably took it a bit too handy for the first mile. Michael Herlihy famously ran 4:50 for the first mile of Donoughmore when he won it like I won it last year. We were approximately a minute slower for the first mile this year. I could feel the marathon and the 5k in my legs immediately, so I was quite happy to warm up into the race gradually. There was a huge bunch of us jogging along after about 1km. Kieran McKeown said that everyone should continue to wait as I was going to go soon. “Sure I’ve already won it I don’t care what happens”. While everyone else was digesting my arrogance I ran off down the hill and got a small bit of a gap.

6. Unexpected Wind

I think that I might have come second if it were not for the terrible headwind we encountered when we turned sharp left onto the straight main road after two miles. My little effort on the downhill had cut the second place group down to five; myself Viv, Barry, Anthony Mannix and Brian Murphy. Viv must have known that I was going to try and sprint down the hill as the minute we turned the corner he went after me. I quickly realised that the wind was too strong and that the lads were just going to follow me down the hill if I tried so I pulled up and hopped in behind Viv which confused him immensely. He kept looking around as if what was happening was wrong or unfair and unjust.

7. Insurgency

I think that when you are trying to race Viv and Anthony Mannix on a course that finishes with a two mile climb you have to try some unusual tactics. I haven’t a hope of getting up a hill quicker than those two, they are like Pogacar and Vinegaard whereas I’m more of a rouleur. As a result, I had to try alternative methods, so I tried to tire them out on the downhill by tormenting them with little surges that they had to follow. Unfortunately, the only one I succeeded in getting rid of from the bunch with my surges was Brian Murphy.

8. Attaque de Barry

I think that Barry’s tactics in the race were almost as bad as mine. When we reached the iconic left hand turn that signifies the start of the two mile ascent to the finish at altitude in Donoughmore Barry launched a vicious stinging attack. It was a confident attack that I had no response to, even Viv and Anthony were left on their toes. I was never going to respond as I find that you are better off not attacking hills and running them at your own measured effort.

9. Neutralized by Viv

I think that it is almost impossible to beat Viv on a hill, Barry’s attack probably would have been decisive if it wasn’t for Viv who quickly neutralized it with some assistance from his climbing ally Anthony. The two mountain goats went straight past Barry who was clearly a bit demoralized by the failure of his attack. I just kept plugging away at the hill at my measured effort and soon enough I cruised past the neutralized Barry and reached the back of the two climbing specialists. I was delighted to see Viv look behind again clearly terrified.

10. Addicted to Progress

I think that the final finishing positions were inevitable. The last 400m of the race are particularly vicious and totally unsuitable for a big lump like me. Anthony Mannix got the better of the two mountain goats leaving Viv bewildered in third still looking behind terrified that I was about to sprint past. Barry completed a Stephen Roche like comeback and overhauled me at the last uphill chicane with 200m to go so I ended up 5th. Most importantly I managed to run a little bit faster than last year when I won, did I mention that I won it last year? That’s all you can really hope for anyway, to get a little bit faster every year on the same great course so that in 50 years’ time people will think that you were great at running.

Photo: mICK dOOLEY

Grant Thornton 5k 2023

10 Things I Think About The Grant Thornton 5k 2023

1. Japan

I think that it would be great if companies in Ireland took on the Japanese model and started professional running teams. It would be like how GAA players get given jobs to go training, it would revolutionize running in Ireland. In the meantime, we will have to make do with the Grant Thornton 5k and BHAA which while not revolutionizing running in Ireland, make it possible to run two races in a week which is also great.

2. Wet Bulb Temp

I think that it is extraordinary how little understanding there is of the effect of humidity on running. Running races from May until September in Ireland is almost completely pointless if your only indicator of performance is the time. The odd night will be fine and good for running but when it is like what it was like it was for this race with a wet bulb temperature of 19 degrees it is like running in pair of Nike Pegasus 34s and not Vaporfly 3s.

3. Kennedy Quay

I think that this is possibly the best of the many variations of the 5k routes around the Marina, it is definitely one of the more realistic ones as it has a bit of a hill and a few tight turns. It starts outside the Odlums building just after the deadly cycle lane where the cars shoot across without warning to go to the Marina Market. It runs down Centre Park Road up the Marina before doubling back around the Blackrock end of Pairc Ui Caoimh finishing outside Kennedy Park. It wouldn’t be a course for a great PB by me even without the humidity.

4. Squats and Lunges

I think that strength and conditioning and running are not the same sport. Strength and conditioning is in my unqualified opinion, optional for running. Before the race started Derval O’Rourke ran through a quick warm up routine which I was not able to do. I can’t do squats because it hurts my knees and lunges trigger off my patella tendon. I felt bad standing on the start line physically unable to participate in the warmup, so I talked to Tom about how we definitely weren’t going to run as fast as in the John Buckley 5k because of the humidity. The last warmup was waving your hands in the air so I did that one because my arms are perfect.

5. Ed Fitz

I think that a lead bicycle is the best way to ensure that your race route is followed perfectly. A lead bicycle piloted by an experienced runner guarantees that it will go perfectly. When the race got underway after about one kilometre it became clear that Ed Fitz would be observing a battle between myself and Tom for the glory and non-existent first place prize.

6. Thin Black Line

I think that the 1m wide smooth black tarmac line that has been installed down the Marina has made all the Marina courses quicker. We hit the strip of beautiful tarmac just after 2k. I had to tuck in behind Tom as the tarmac works very well with magic shoes and it is infinitely easier to run on it. We ran up towards Blackrock before turning right at the connection between the Line and the Marina that gives you 4.9 miles instead of 5 miles if doing the Blackrock loop.

7. Undulations

I think that who ever designed the new tarmac path that runs parallel to the Marina didn’t intend it to be used in a road race. It is a very unusual path. It is like halfway between steps and a ramp. It’s fine if you are going straight on like we did in the Marathon but in this race we turned sharp left. I was on the inside and did well to avoid clattering into Tom and had to do a weird pivot off my right leg that was a good test for my resiliency to stress fractures.

8. Impossible Position

I think that it would have been a better race if I didn’t know how good a runner Tom is. We were still side by side as we ran down Monaghan Road but I knew that I didn’t have a hope unless I could get rid of him before 4k. When we passed 4k together I resigned myself to the inevitable defeat and loss of glory and potential interview that might be on the radio or even better a podcast for everyone to hear.

9. Gradual Defeat

I think that it would be stretching it to call the finish a sprint finish. There must be a definition of a sprint finish like finishing within one second of each other. The gap ended up being 5 or 6 seconds which doesn’t count even if it looked good. I didn’t really put up a resistance mainly because Tom would just have gone quicker if I had, I was still a bit tired after the marathon and I was drenched from the humidity. Anyway, second place is my traditional finishing place in this race.

10. 6th Best Team

I think that it is great that there are no individual prizes in this race and just team prizes. I don’t understand why there are no individual prizes but sure why not? It is nice for one race to be entirely team based. The scoring is based on time unlike cross country which is different also, we ended up 6th so there was no repeat of trying to find a place for the trophy at reception. Irish Water won which was nice as they probably put the smooth tarmac strip down the Marina.

PHOTO: JOE MURPHY

Cork City Marathon 2023

10 Things I Think About The Cork City Marathon

1. SMART

I think that it is very important to have clearly defined goals when doing a marathon. Like any good influencer I had an A, B and C goal to ensure that I remained motivated no matter what happened. The A goal was to destroy Viv, the B goal was to give Viv a bad beating and the C goal was to barely beat Viv. These were excellent goals as they met the SMART criteria of being Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.

2. Scope Creep

I think that it is amazing how much your goals can change on the morning of the race. I cleverly parked at the Q Park on Carrols Quay which is far better than any bag drop being 200m from the start. I jogged up to the Metropole for my warmup pretended I was staying in the hotel and used the bathroom there. When I was jogging back down the construction site that is MacCurtain street the crisp cool air reminded me of Seville or Valencia in winter, the perfect weather for a sub 2:30 attempt, sure I might switch to the A+ goal and go with Shane Collins I thought.

3. Elites

I think that it was great of the Cork Marathon organizers to have an elites section. I got an email the week before saying that we were to meet at 8am outside Elverys for a photo before being guided to the front of the race. Unfortunately, I missed the photo which was terrible as I looked very elite in my oversized orange sunglasses and red Nike singlet. I had to leave the Leevale singlet at home because it is constructed of sheep wool which isn’t great for anything above 12 degrees. My favourite part of being an elite was the WWE style walk on to the very front of the marathon which was only right really. Viv and Andy Goulding didn’t think they were elite enough so stayed with the masses.

4. John Quigley

I think that John Quigley’s article about the shortest possible route was possibly the most important piece to read before the marathon. Once we got underway, I quickly forgot about my A+ goal as I could already feel the heat and quickly settled into the sub elite group with Andy and Viv. We spent the first 10 miles of the race trying to do what John Quigley had advised. Viv clearly hadn’t read the piece as he nearly took me out on the skew bridge trying to run the wrong line. We hung along the center wall of the tunnel and tried our best to imagine where John Quigley would have measured a line. We weren’t too far off as we ended up only 0.3 miles over.

5. Edgar Allan Poe

I think that one of the main advantages of Cork is that you can have someone on a bike deliver you gels and bottles Deliveroo style. I had Conor McCauley with my simple still Italian water and Maurten gels. Viv had his son Darragh with a bag containing substances that if mixed in the wrong order could probably have taken out anyone within a three-mile radius The potions began to be mixed just after 10 miles. “take out the purple sachet and mix it with the bottle containing the clear liquid”. He was calling it Dioralyte but sure they used to call EPO Edgar in cycling so God only knows what it was. Interestingly the Dioralyte was never offered to either myself or Andy so it must have been good.

6. Bottle of The Day

I think that the best bottle I got all day was from Donal Coffey. The bottle was delivered just after passing the Marina Market. It was ice cold having been purchased from the petrol station. Myself Viv and Andy fought over it like the crows fight over chips outside Hillbillies. I had to give out to Viv as he nearly dropped the precious bottle by trying to catch it from the bottom while passing it over and back.

7. Andy Kipchoge

I think that Andy shouldn’t feel too bad about the point where he was dropped. If you compare marathon courses Cork is quite similar to Boston in where the hills are. Just like Kipchoge in Boston, the hills at the 18 mile mark were the crucial point for Andy. The decisive moment came on the hill before you turn left up the little lane before the zig zag chicane. Viv is a fright for pushing the pace on hills as he likes to keep the pace the same not the effort. With this little surge Andy became detached. I was nearly caught out but I quickly bridged back up to Viv and neutralized his Dioralyte fueled attack. Andy was left to fend for himself.

8. The Taming of the Viv

I think that if I ran every marathon with Viv his PB would be under 2:30. I did some excellent coaching of Viv over the last 8 miles. He is a fright for pushing the pace on hills, I think he doesn’t realize it but every time there was any bit of a rise the increase in effort came. The problem with this is that it spikes your heart rate which won’t come back down. I had to calm him down on every hill. Then on the Straight Road when he saw someone coming back to us he was like a sheepdog after spotting a big wooly sheep up ahead. He was about to put in a huge effort to close the gap immediately. “Relax Viv” I told him which he did, “We have ages to catch him” which we did.

9. Should I Stay or Should I Go

I think that racing someone in a marathon is great fun. I was so tempted to try and get rid of Viv along the Mardyke with two miles to go. I probably could have started increasing the pace there but foolishly I decided to wait for North Main Street. Psychologically I think he might have wilted if I’d gone to the front on the worn red tarmac. Instead, I let Viv stay in front which was a big mistake as on the narrow section opposite the Mercy as it’s impossible to pass.

10. 505

I think that I knew the game was up when we reached the bottom of North Main Street. I was just about able to stay in touching distance of Viv down North Main Street. When we reached Fast Als Viv picked it up again and started to look like he does at the end of a 5k, up on his toes gliding along effortlessly. Despite the hopeless position that I had found myself in I tried my own all-out effort with choppy hands which was at least a nice way to finish a marathon. When I looked on Garmin later, I found that Viv covered the last two minutes at 5:05 minutes per mile pace. I hadn’t a prayer.

pHOTO: gRAHAM MEIKLE

Ardmore 5 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Ardmore 5 Mile 2023

1. History

I think that a lot of local running history is being lost. I am almost certain that I ran this race about 10 years ago but there is no record on Strava or google of any result. It must have been between 2011 and 2014 as this is the horrendous period of running that was deleted off my watch because back then there was no bluetooth and you had to plug your watch into a computer which I never did. It must have been a good race because I’ve always wanted to go back to Ardmore.

2. Marathon Weather

I think that it is great that proper Cork Marathon weather has arrived. They should adjust the times from last year to reflect proper conditions. It will never be 11 degrees with drizzle in Cork in June again, never mind magic shoes, magic weather is worth way more, probably 5-8 minutes. Cork Marathon weather is however great for running short races by the seaside like Ardmore.

3. No Frills

I think that West Waterford run a great nice simple race. I like races without chip timing as it reminds me of the Ballycotton 5 mile series. €10 to enter, a simple number, a looped course, and a few lines on the road. Nice and simple where little could go wrong. It was sort of like going back in time to a race in 2010, even Sergiu turned up to make it exactly like 2010.

4. Catch That Van

I think that the starter did a great job in starting the race then running after a moving van and hopping in on the go before being caught by Sergiu. The race started in the middle of nowhere on a straight stretch of country road facing the sea that was perfect for a road race on a Friday evening. It was one of those pointless roads that doesn’t have any real purpose apart from connecting other small roads and facilitating excellent road race loops.

5. Steady Sergiu

I think that I will have to go back to starting sensibly. On my way to start I met Pat Fitzgerald and Noel Murphy both of whom have destroyed me in the last 400m of races. Because of this I decided that the only tactic was to go off as hard as I could with Sergiu and see how far I would get. Sure you’d never know Sergiu might have been tired and might have relaxed a bit after a mile. After a mile it was clear that Sergiu wasn’t interested in relaxing so I had to come up with a different plan.

6. Plan B

I think that the course for the race was perfect for my race plan. Once I had become detached from Sergiu I waited for the rest of the runners to catch me. I got to the little sharp hill in the town before being caught which was perfect as I could have a little rest on the hill and let them come past me. Only Pat and a runner from Carrick on Suir came by so I latched onto the back of them and prepared for four miles of suffering.

7. The Climb

I think that the climb back towards the start saved me in this race. Because I had been caught, I was able to just sit behind Pat for the mile long climb back up to the start. He was going at a pace that was just about bearable so I hung on a waited for the climb to end. We passed a signpost for Whiting Bay which is the beach where we used to go to as children so I thought about that while suffering.

8. La Calme

I think that the section from mile three to mile four was my best part of the race. When we reached the top of the hill at the crossroads Pat and the guy from Carrick on Suir decided that they weren’t going to do anymore running so I went back into second and tried to push the pace a bit. I could see Sergiu up ahead turning the corner at the end of the straight road that we had started on and counted 60 seconds until we reached the same corner which wasn’t too bad. Then we turned the corner which was the trigger for Pat and the Carrick on Suir to start the downhill sprint for home which was a mile away.

9. Fourth Again

I think that there are certain advantages to finishing fourth in races the whole time. Fourth is a great position to finish in if you are terrified of contracting sickness in halls after races and if you have a two year old who normally needs to go home immediately after races. I had no hope of third in Ardmore as Pat and the guy from Carrick on Suir put 20 seconds into me in the last mile. I was happy out in fourth safe from any marathon ruining diseases but without a prize.

10. Seaside Chips

I think that the best part of going to a race in Ardmore when there is Cork Marathon weather is the chips at the seaside after the race. I haven’t had chips in Ardmore for nearly 15 years. The chipper we used to go to was closed so we had to go back up to the finish to Shipmates by the pharmacy. It was just as well the race started at 7.30pm because the chipper closed at 9pm, the guys from St Catherine’s nearly got caught out. If they want to have a prize for fourth at the race next year a free bag of chips would be great.

Photo: DC IMAGES

John Buckley Sports 5K 2023

10 Things I Think About The John Buckley Sports 5K

1. Deflation

I think that this must be the most ridiculously under-priced event in running. €5 to enter a chip timed 5k on a silly fast course with 1000 other runners is pretty good. It has been that price since I started running in 2008. It is immune to inflation, the only inflation that has occurred has been due to magic shoes which we aren’t allowed to talk about.

2. GAA Parking

I think that I was unlucky to encounter a GAA security guard during my attempts to park in the secret car park. The security guard seemed to have some sort of sixth sense of whether you were a GAA person or not, I wasn’t in a saloon Toyato Corolla so was probably in trouble. “This is a private car park” “Go and abandon your car on the grass outside like everyone else”. He didn’t say the second part, but he didn’t care where I parked as long as I left his car park, so I did and eventually found the last space which was right by the finish. Kieran McKeown helpfully moved the barriers, so it looked like I parked properly.

3. Marina Park

I think that the paths around Pairc Uí Caoimh are great for warming up, it was nice to warm up and see how runners are so much tidier at parking their cars than the GAA crowd, there was almost no ridiculous parking. Because I was mad late because of work and the GAA security guard I had only 10 minutes before 8pm when the race was supposed to start for warming up. Luckily based on past experience, I knew that the race doesn’t actually start until about 8.10pm so I took my time and got two miles in before the start.

4. No Stress

I think that the start line of a 5k like this must be terrifying if you aren’t over 6ft tall and not up the front. I waited until after Jerry Forde had gone to go behind the line. Everyone in running that I like to beat was on that start line. When the BHAA siren on the left gently went off we sort of started like a wave from left to right which was just as well as the Marina is no more than 5m wide and more potholed than a country boreen.

5. Black Singlets

I think that it helps when you have done sessions on a route when it is included in a race. The first mile was straight down the Marina back towards town, Sean Doyle took off in his nice Cork City AC singlet followed by a group of four or five fellas in black singlets. Black singlets shouldn’t be allowed, you can’t tell who’s who in a black singlet. I was a good bit back with the familiar company of John Meade, Michael McMahon and Barry Twohig dancing around the potholes in my magic shoes.

6. Trevor Cummins

I think that it was very helpful of Trevor Cummins to cycle to the 2km mark to give us the split time. I can’t remember what time he said but it was very fast and most importantly fast enough to result in a great PB by me which would annoy Michael Herlihy tremendously and also result in lots of Strava comments. I considered the time briefly and continued on in pursuit of John Meade.

7. Tailwind

I think that the conditions couldn’t have been any better for the race. It was nicely warm and not very humid, there was a slight cross headwind for the first mile with no wind for the second mile and a light tail wind for the finish. I barely noticed the wind in the first mile as I was hiding behind John Meade and Michael McMahon, when we got onto the road past the Marina Market I made it my business to get to the corner at the top still in contact for when the tailwind would start and hoped that I would be able to drop them with the wind on my larger back.

8. Go on Viv

I think that it was looking good for a great PB by me with about 500m to go. I had been dropped by a vicious surge by Michael McMahon and John Meade but had held onto Barry Twohig so I knew I was doing ok. Then Barry overtook me just before we reached the Marina Park. Then I heard the ominous sound of “Go on Viv” just behind me. He couldn’t could he?

9. ChatGPT

I think that if ChatGPT was used to analyse the Garmin files of all the runners in the race Viv’s file would be flagged as not normal. It would not fit any algorithm no matter how badly programmed and overhyped. The speed at which he danced by me with 200m to go was frightening. His vicious powerful attack resulted in an 8 second gap in 200m which is not normal as I didn’t slow down that much. I suppose he was extraordinarily motivated, but it was extraordinary and terrible for my morale and ego.

10. Jeremy

I think that a lot happened in the last 200m of the race. Being beaten by John Meade, Michael McMahon, the two Barry’s and Viv was already terrible but worse was to come. Just after Viv breezed by Jeremy pounced on my demoralized body and breezed by delighted with himself. At this point I gave up and just jogged home which was a mistake because I just missed a great PB by me. It was a terrible result, beaten by everyone, no PB and no nice top 10 t-shirt. I’ll get revenge in the marathon I hope.

Photo: Niall moran

Cheetah Run 5K 2023

10 Things I Think About The Fota Wildlife Park Cheetah Run 5k

1. Great Place for a Race

I think that Fota Wildlife Park is one of those places where when you go there when you unfortunately aren’t running a race you constantly think this would be a great place for a race, they should have a race here, it would be great. As usual I am a great judge of where a great place for a race would be and it is great.

2. Pointing

I think that there was some excellent car park pointing at the race. Eagle A.C were out in force doing excellent stewarding, the best pointing of the night came from Derek O’Keeffe. It was friendly but authoritative pointing, the best type of pointing, leaving the driver of the car both sure of the direction and happy with the direction.

3. Warm Up

I think that I knew I was in trouble when I started the warmup. I warmed up with Sheldon in my new Runner’s Diary T-Shirt which Rhona got me for my birthday and insisted that I wear, despite the excellent high-quality fabric and colour of the t-shirt I felt terrible as I had the misfortune of contracting a disease from Billy during the week. I didn’t think it was a particularly bad disease just one of the normal inevitable head colds that you get from a two-year-old that make planning races impossible and make you consider wearing a mask around the house.

4. Scurrilous Race Directing

I think that it is very bad that race directors are willing to go as far as offering free entries to my enemies like John Meade to ensure that I don’t finish in the prizes. I’m a very nice man and a benevolent social media influencer who doesn’t look for any free entries, yet John Meade was invited on a gratuitous basis to the race to beat me. I know this because John Meade told me. It was just as well that John Meade was otherwise engaged otherwise I would have been very motivated to win.

5. Actually a Cheetah Run

I think that the event is well named. On the start line there was a high-quality field with past champions like James Grufferty and Kieran McKeown in attendance, I’m unsure how many of them were invited in the anti me conspiracy but a podium looked unlikely. We took off down the hill in the opposite way to which I usually have to carry Billy back to the car past the Giraffes before plunging down the hill where a Cheetah actually ran alongside us very fast which was nice.

6. Coldplay

I think that after 400m I started to panic. I couldn’t breathe because of a combination of the tree pollen and Billy’s disease. I was running with Kieran McKeown about 50m off the back of the lead group of 6. Kieran being the excellent coach that he is, could hear my shocking breathing and told me not to panic so I didn’t. The Kieran McKeown coaching service must be the only service in the country where the coach instructs his athletes from the race. Aidan Noone was given in race instructions to hop on my back which he did which was great coaching.

7. Kangaroo Route

I think that it is difficult to look at the animals when you are running a 5k around a wildlife park. Aside from the Cheetah the only animals I saw were Kangaroos that were bouncing along beside us. Aside from the difficulty in looking at the animals the route itself is lovely, it probably isn’t the fastest 5k in the world, but it has everything. Tiny little climbs, big little climbs, gravel and smooth tarmac. The Vaporfly 3s were a bit slippy on the gravel road but lovely and bouncy on the smooth tarmac around the park. The potholes on the bumpy gravel road were filled in with very black tarmac which made them easy to spot.

8. The Other Barry

I think that all races end up in a similar pattern. I spent the last 3km of the race engaging in all too familiar activity attempting to catch a Barr’s singlet. This time it was worn by Barry Twohig instead of John Meade. I though that I was closing on Barry as we went down the hill past the Lions and in with a chance of 5th but Rhona said that at the end the gap was huge and that I must have been seeing things. It was an impressive performance by Barry, he will have to be added to the long list of people for beating.

9. Heavy Me

I think that I felt like Billy normally feels at the 4km marker. Anytime I have taken Billy to Fota he starts to give up just after the penguins and the back breaking carrying starts. Sometimes if you are lucky, you can get the train back from the penguins and save your back. Interestingly the walk and run back from the 4km mark feel very similar. I have suffered a lot in that last kilometer.

10. Kudos No Comments

I think that the last 500m of the route are particularly challenging. I was in no mans land, there was no one in front of me and I couldn’t hear anyone behind me. I struggled up the hill by the Cheetah back out onto the smooth flat tarmac where the Giraffes live and tried to sprint but I couldn’t because I had no air. I could see that the clock had ticked over the magical 16 minutes which results in no “well done” comments on Strava just kudos. I couldn’t breathe at all at this stage so I was happy to get across the line in 6th the and my usual first of the non-prize places. I’ll be back next year and the year after and probably every year if I’m let.

Banteer 5 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Banteer 5 Mile

1. Memories

I think that the terrible thing about races that happened before the invention of Facebook is that you aren’t sure if they happened or not. I’m almost certain that I have run a race in Banteer before but I have no idea what or when. I remember it had something to do with Michael Herlihy but that’s about it. Banteer looks a lot different to my vague memories, much more modern with the most square footage of astroturf pitches per head of population in the country.

2. Racing Backbone

I think that when you do something like three races in five days which is universally considered an idiotic thing to do you need to come up with some sort of self-justification for it. I seem to have survived it unscathed like I did the last time at Christmas so I will call it the Racing Backbone, a key component of any moderately good local road racing athlete. Maximise your chances of winning a race when no one else shows up by implementing the Racing Backbone in your training program.

3. Pierre-Ambroise Bosse

I think that Anthony Mannix’s wearing of a Cork Track Club T-shirt instead of a singlet was very French 800m track runner behaviour. Personally I can’t understand why anyone would choose a t-shirt over a singlet but perhaps Ian O’Sullivan has a wind tunnel at MTU and has discovered something that the rest of us don’t know yet.

4. Safety Briefing

I think that the safety briefing before the race was excellent. More races should do this, it doesn’t matter if most of the people don’t listen as long as a few do. It drastically reduces the chances of a Great Ireland Run debacle. The critical points are where does the course go and what side of the road do we run on.

5. Operation Follow Anthony

I think that after the relative success of just following the other runners in Youghal I decided that I would try the Donie Walsh tactics once more and just follow Anthony Mannix irrespective of the pace. Once we passed the Skoda dealership where the road was greasy and slippy from all the oil leaking out of the new electric cars it was just myself and Anthony.

6. Skoda Enyaq IV 80

I think that it is a pity that Michael Herlihy wasn’t able to make it to Banteer as he would have enjoyed seeing the crucial role that an electric car played in the race. The route ran out from Banteer for about 2 miles before turning at a cone. When we turned at the cone which was cleverly taken away and put back afterwards for the electric car to turn, we ran back the same way which meant that it was crucial that the other runners stayed left. There is no better vehicle in the world at making runners stay left on a road than a beeping 2.5 tonne electric SUV.

7. Eddie Dunbar

I think that it is amazing that Eddie Dunbar came from this part of the country and is now a professional cyclist specialising in climbing mountains. This course would not have suited Eddie Dunbar. It was very flat, almost entirely so. Very fast, someone like Michael Harty would eat the road up and run under 24 minutes I have no doubt.  

8. Back to Banteer

I think that I did well to get back to Banteer after three miles attached to the back of Anthony Mannix like a trailor. I felt fine although Anthony looked like he was under no pressure possibly due to the aerodynamic advantage bestowed by his t-shirt. There was a man at the side of the road at about 5k saying 16:12 which seemed very fast, but I suppose it was very flat.

9. Flawed Thinking

I think that there is a major flaw with the Donie Walsh strategy of racing. The strategy works really well when your surname is Walsh and not so well when your surname is Coakley. By the time we got to four miles of relentlessly flat road I was beginning to picture myself sprinting away from Anthony Mannix down the home straight. Unfortunately I had no idea how I was going to achieve this as holding onto the back of him after 4 miles was pretty much full effort. I carried on anyway in hope, sure you’d never know he might just blow up.

10. The Kick

I think that it is a pity that there wasn’t someone filming the race like the last battle we had down in West Cork when I won. Unlike the last time there was no dramatic descent for me to make a move on and win. Instead with about 800m to go outside the electric car dealership Anthony gradually increased the pace to below my limit of 5 minutes a mile and I was swiftly detached and left to run home solo much to the delight of the local Anthony Mannix fan club that were in attendance at the race.

Youghal 5k 2023

10 Things I Think About The Youghal 5k

1. Clustering/Blocking

I think that the Norweigan’s might be onto something with their double threshold sessions. This is my version of it, double racing. I’m not quite ready to do two races in the same day but with the third generation of the Vaporfly there is almost no soreness the day after a race. Marius Bakken talks about the gap between the sessions allowing the muscle tone to reduce so I will say the same about the day between the races. People who started running in 2019 have no idea about what running races used to be like.

2. Round the House

I think that Kilkenny and Youghal are probably the two best 5ks in the country. It’s no coincidence that they both use the roads in the centre of the town and have really old buildings. The Youghal route is probably a bit faster as it is totally flat, the only problem is the proximity to the sea and the slight breeze that the sea brings.

3. Disgrace

I think that turning up to a race when you’ve run a race the night before takes away all the pressure. When you have run a race the night before people like Nick O’Donoghue feel under pressure to beat you and think that it will be a disgrace if they don’t which it would be. Also Mark Walsh doesn’t feel like he can sit behind you for the entire race.

4. 400

I think that the first 400m of the race was the only normal part of the race. We took off from outside the Walter Raleigh Hotel in a normal fashion and ran down towards the town. When we reached the Y junction where we went left the pace suddenly slowed up. Wind had been detected which meant that no one wanted to run into it. Nicky seemed to be unaware of the terrible wind and took off in front of the group. I followed the attack, but it petered out within a few metres when he realised the futility of running into the howling vicious East wind.

5. 1k Rep

I think that the race was a lot like doing a session, the lull in proceedings after Nicky’s initial pointless attack lasted until we turned right and felt the wind at our backs. We ran full tilt down the back straight for 1km until we turned right again at the top of the town and turned back into the terrible vicious wind which resulted in another lull in proceedings. There were eight of us in the group all spread across the road with no one wanting to push the pace.

6. Floating Under The Clock Gate Tower

I think that the second time under the Clock Gate Tower was the slowest we ran during the race. The eight of us were bunched up across the road with no one really making a significant effort. It was kind of odd given the obsession with times that no one seemed to care how “slow” we were going. It felt like about 5:40 pace. It was tormenting me to stay behind but I felt like trying the Donie Walsh tactics at least once especially as he had told me to before the race.

7. The East Cork Assault

I think that the problem with running “slow” in a 5k is that accidents can happen. Mark Walsh was lucky that Nick didn’t take him out just before we started the last fast kilometre. It was probably my fault as I asked Mark to let me out as I was finding it uncomfortable to be at the back of the pack. It was quite a stumble but he stayed upright and it was quickly forgotten when we turned onto the back straight with the howling wind at our backs again.

8. Back Straight

I think that Donie might be very right about the sit and kick method of racing. It is a very pleasant way to run a race. The last time down the back straight felt amazing, unlike any last mile of a race I have run before. We had the wind at our backs, and I felt wonderful I made my way to the front of the group of  eight but unfortunately Tony Forristal was feeling more wonderful and quickly went past followed by Mark Walsh.

9. Eight Becomes Four

I think that I had the best seat in the house for the race to the line. I got to the final corner just on the back of Mark, Pat and Tony which I knew was essential with the vicious headwind that we were going to have to finish into. I was hoping they might play some more games in the wind as there was still about 800m to go but there was no messing, and the lads took off spread across the road in a group of three. I was quickly dropped and left to battle the wind on my own.

10. Watching the Clock

I think that it’s interesting that when you don’t worry about time in a race the time still comes. I spent the last 400m desperately trying to hold off a closing Nick, Aidan and Youghal AC duo which I did. Pat prevailed over Mark and Tony which was very surprising as Mark is a hard man to outsprint. Despite all our “slow” running and messing we still managed to clock under 16 minutes which goes to show that racing and clock watching result in nearly the same thing. The only difference is that racing is far more fun.

PHOTO: GRAHAM meikle

Pfizer 6 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Pfizer 6 Mile Road Race

1. Cork Marathon

I think that this used to be the race that you found out who was doing the Cork City Marathon. Now that everyone doing the marathon avoids racing at all cost and hires a private coach I am none the wiser as to who is doing the Cork City Marathon. Perhaps everyone is doing the 10k and I will win comfortably with time to high five Michael Herlihy in the finishing straight.

2. Car Park Warm Up

I think that after the excellent car park at the race in Midleton last week, the car park for this race could potentially take the title of best car park at a road race in Cork. It had a lovely smooth tarmac surface with easy access to the registration and a short little loop for warming up. They even had signs to ensure that you reversed parked so that you could make a quick getaway after the race if your child was cross.

3. No John Meade

I think that it was a great pity that John Meade was too tired to do the race. He had said that he would do it but exhaustion after school got the better of him so I was left with Viv as my only known adversary. In the excellent car park I met Shane Collins, then I saw Barry Twohig, Darragh, Tadgh and Fergus at the start. To be honest I was hoping no one would show up and I could win for once.

4. Downhill Start

I think that the start of the race was worrying. It is always problematic when you look back and see the finish further back up the hill from where you are starting. This significantly reduces the chance of a great PB by me, but as it was the infrequently run distance of 6 miles I wasn’t too worried as no one knows what a great time is for 6 miles. The race went off without any drama, the BHAA’s siren method is much better than a countdown.

5. The Bridge

I think that I did a good job in reducing the field during the first downhill mile. I didn’t go too mad but mad enough to put Viv in the rear-view mirror. I was left with the sound of three other Vaporflys by the time we got to the bridge to the naval base, Barry, Darragh and Shane. I knew that as all three are a bit smaller than me I hadn’t a hope unless I got rid of them before we got to the mile long hill up to the finish.

6. The Park

I think that the loop around the park was lovely. It is a very nice park when it isn’t windy. When we found which direction we were going in the park Darragh made a move, I waited for Shane and Barry to follow when they didn’t so I had to make an effort to catch up to Darragh which I did. Shane was very clever and let me do the work to catch up to Darragh and sat in behind me. Barry seemed to be a casualty of the park as we were now down to three Vaporflys.

7. Collision Avoidance System

I think that the corner where we turned right into the park was a little dangerous. It was fine when we were going into the park but when we were coming out all the other runners were naturally taking the inside line clipping the apex of the bend like Formula 1 drivers. We had to cut across to the other side of the road which wouldn’t be the most natural method of cornering to get around the bend without hitting into anyone. I’m not sure what you could do to prevent it, perhaps put a cone with a sign at the corner to make sure everyone stays left.

8. Hang On

I think that I knew I was in trouble when I was struggling to hang onto the back of Shane and Darragh as we ran through Ringaskiddy. I was reasonably ok on the flat but very certainly the third of the three. I could see the hill rearing up in front of us which did not exactly fill me with hope. I’m almost as bad at hills as I am at sprinting.

9. Super Domestique

I think that I could be Leevale’s Super Domestique. If Shane Collins and Mark Walsh are the Mark Cavensdish I am the Mark Renshaw like leadout man. I haven’t a hope of winning a race in any sort of sprint as I don’t like the track as I get injured if I run on it because my legs are too long for the bends so I have no speed. When we got to the hill which is where my leadout man analogy fails Shane took off, Darragh initially went after him but was quickly distanced leaving the three of us equally spaced out on the climb back to Shanbally.

10. Hang On

I think that the last mile of race where you have been dropped on climb and you know that Viv is prancing up the hill with approximately 50% of the energy required for you to get up the hill is terrible. I felt like I was crawling up the hill which I probably was. Eventually I reached the summit where it flattened out without hearing the silent glide of Viv going past so I was safe in third which isn’t bad. I couldn’t stay for the podium as Billy was cross, luckily I had reversed parked so I could get away quickly.

Photo: Derek costello

Midleton 5 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Midleton 5 Mile

 1. Best Course in Cork

I think that the Midleton 5 mile route might be my favourite race route in Cork. It is a beautiful route, lovely rolling hills, nice smooth surface for most of the route and a little bit of country roads to mix it up. The start is near a huge car park and there are excellent places to warm up. You could hold a national championship there I imagine, it’s nearly perfect.

 2. Adidas Pro 3.0

I thought that the rain on Thursday night might have resulted in a few Adidas Pro 3.0s appearing after Kipchoge’s defeat in Boston. An Adidas shoes hasn’t been seen in race in Cork since about 2004 which is amazing as they used to be very popular. The new Adidas shoes with their Continental rubber are supposed to be much better in the rain than Nike shoes, although this probably doesn’t matter on Irish roads which are grippy no matter what you are wearing. On the line despite the heavy persistent straight down rain there were no Adidas, the odd Asics with everyone else in Nike Vaporflys.

 3. Fivers

I think that I should have registered online before the race. Cash is a disaster. The entry fee was €15 which is fine but they had no fivers and everyone either had €20 or €50. I had to wait for about five minutes while someone found a fiver which was very stressful and probably cost me a few seconds in the race. Fail to register online, prepare to fail.

 4. 1,2,3,4

I think that the guy that did the countdown for the race should be forced to watch the Sesame Street Youtube video of 1,2,3,4 on loop for 6 hours like I have to as punishment for messing up the countdown to the start. It was unbelievable. He went 7, 6, 5, 2, 4, 3 ,5, 1 or something like that. Only Pat O’Connor understood this new system of counting and got a big head start on the rest of us. Perhaps other races could copy the system, it would stop fellas going on 2.

 5. Pointing

I think that I could get a job at races as the person who leads the race the right way for the first two miles. I’m very good at leading the way and knowing the course. I know Midleton very well and because Michael Harty didn’t race I had to lead the way. I pointed to everyone where we were to go at the two slightly of confusing junctions. I did an excellent job and everyone went the right way. The route was painted on the road in case I wasn’t there which would probably have been fine too.

 6. Los Lumpos Lazios

I think that it was incredibly lazy of the group to let me set the pace for the first two miles. I’m very tired from having run too many races and I’m nearly 37 which is quite very old. There was a massive bunch behind me after two miles, possibly 10 runners. If I had of been fresher, I might have been able to run faster to get away from them but about 5:20 pace was as fast as I could go.

7. Great Move

I think that knowing the course in great detail made knowing when to make a move much easier. I knew that after 2 miles the route goes left down a sharp hill by a farm so just before we got to the turn I went for it as fast as I could. I got a bit of a gap but unfortunately immediately after the downhill there is an uphill, so they all caught back up to me again. I might have gotten rid of a few of them but not Meade and not Mark Walsh. Michael McMahon said they were all just laughing at me which isn’t nice.

8. Castle Meade

I think that it was possibly impossible to beat John Meade on this course. I knew that I had to have a gap on him by the time we were on the hill by the castle at around 3.5 miles. When we started the hill I could only see Anthony Forristal and Mark Walsh which made me happy. Then John Meade drifted up the outside effortlessly looking like he was only getting started. This upset me greatly, I should have concentrated on Mark and Anthony but I prefer beating John Meade so I focused on him too much.

9. Instructions

I think that Donie Walsh is the master tactician when it comes to running races. There is probably no one better in the world. When we got to the turn back onto the closed road with about 800m to go I was unfortunately just behind Mark, Anthony and John. We passed Donie who gave the relevant instructions to Mark “Just do what you did to him last week”. Which is exactly what Mark did. I did nothing and ended up 4th again.

10. Pointless

I think that no matter what tactics I used in the race it was going to be pointless. The terrible thing about racing Mark Walsh is that you have to be fitter than him to beat him as he is too clever. It’s no use to be the same or a little bit fitter as he will outsprint you in the last mile. It’s the same with John Meade, you have to have them distanced well before the finish. I should probably go and do perfect training for a while and come back and beat them but by the time I’d have that done the races would all be over. I’d say I’m forever doomed to finish 4th for the rest of the year, at least there was a prize this time.

Photo: Joe murphy

Limerick Half Marathon 2023

10 Things I Think About The Limerick Half Marathon

1. Spain in 1600s

I think that it’s a little known fact that I’m actually from Limerick. I spent my childhood going to Limerick instead of Cork because the road to Cork hadn’t been built by the EU back then. Limerick back then was like Spain in the 1600s. It was a golden age with money from Dell and a pedestrianised shopping street called Cruises Street with excellent shops like Easons, O’Mahony’s and Game. Then the road to Cork was built and I haven’t been back since.

2. The Cresent

I think that it was exceptionally easy to access the race. My mother had miraculously managed to collect the numbers in UL the day before so I arranged to meet Michael McMahon at the Cresent Shopping centre which is where I used to go to the Cinema before the road to Cork was built. The Cresent should be advertised as parking for the race as it was exactly an arrow straight 2.5k from the startline which is a perfect warm up and warm down.

3. Blindboy

I think that everyone from Limerick sounds like Blindboy when they are given a microphone. I had to go and check that the guy with the mic wasn’t actually Blindboy because he sounded identical. When I found him I was none the wiser as he wasn’t wearing a shopping bag over his head and Blindboy is know to do a 10k so it could well have been Blindboy.

4. Great Limerick Run

I think that organisers need to learn the lesson of the fiasco that was the Great Ireland Run. If there is time to have a priest read a nice prayer and someone from the generous sponsors to give a talk then there should also be time to tell us some basic information about the route like does it go right or left at the start and what side of the traffic cones are we to run on. It all worked out fine in the end.

5. Maunsell and Somba

I think it didn’t take long for the podium to be decided. After about 400m the Kenyan and Clonmelian checked out leaving myself and four others to decide third place on the podium. The third place on the podium was decided after three miles when Chris Jeuken pulled over to put his AirPods in at a water station leaving a gap to a fella in a white singlet who’s name I don’t know. We spent the next 10 miles trying unsuccessfully to close the gap to the white singlet leaving four of us battling for fourth.

6. You Make My Dreams Come True

I think that it was a little suspicious that there was a busker on the street playing You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall & Oates. I had been listening to the same song on repeat in the car on the way down because my Spotify was malfunctioning. It was a bit too Truman Show. When I was listening to it in the car I was thinking how I could make the song into an ad about my Vaporfly 3s.

7. The Four of Us

I think that the group that formed after the departure of the unknown guy in the white singlet was an excellent group. It contained Michael McMahon, Mossy Bracken, Chris Jeuken and myself. I was definitely the most tired of the four so I sat at the back struggling to hang on for the first six miles. Then my legs sort of woke up and I was able to contribute to taking the ever so slight Limerick headwind and telling the other lads what to do. We stayed together right until the last mile as a group of four.

8. Gaelic Grounds Defeat

I think that it was fitting that as we past the Gaelic Grounds the Clareman Chris made the decisive move that ended up with him taking the all important 4th place for which there is no prize, a pointless victory. Michael McMahon was the only one who could attempt to follow, myself and Mossy were left to run home solo.

9. Humidity

I think that high humidity is my least favourite climactic condition. I hate humidity, it is a highly potent and selective inhibitor of great PBs by me. There was tremendous levels of humidity in Limerick, it was nearly as bad as the Charleville Half Marathon a few years back. Humidity has an odd influence on a race, it slows you gradually even though you think you are going the same pace. It’s terrible, I much prefer running great PBs by me in February.

10. 1st Limerick Man

I think that I might have been the first Limerick man home which would be nice having not been back in Limerick for years. I was very impressed with Limerick and the race. It had everything, a nice course, excellent marshals, buskers who knew what I was listening to in the car, good atmosphere and crowds. It’s every bit as good as Cork all it needs is a better road from Mitchelstown.

Rock 'n' Roll Madrid Half Marathon 2023

10 Things I Think About The Madrid Half Marathon

1. Rock ‘n’ Roll

I think that a race run by Rock ‘n’ Roll was a risky choice after the Great Ireland Run 10k Fiasco. Rock ‘n’ Roll doesn’t exactly instill an image of a Spanish Michael Herlihy carefully meticulously organizing a road race for runners. It conjures up images of a fun run with music which is fine but not what you are looking for when you want to run PBs. Luckily in Spain it’s sort of like the Spanish Michael Herlihy has ignored the Rock ‘n’ Roll bit and just used it to cleverly pay for the race organization.

2. A Big Cobh

I think that Madrid is a lot like Cobh. The hills in Madrid reminded me of the Cobh 10 race. Maybe Sonia O’Sullivan isn’t mad to think that the Cobh 10 could replace the Ballycotton 10. They got lots of Kenyans and Ethiopians to come to Madrid and run up and down the mad hills of Madrid, why wouldn’t they come to Cobh?

3. Toilets

I think that someone needs to invent a solution to toilets at races. The queues are always ridiculous. Madrid was no different, if you didn’t need the toilet when you got into the queue you’d need to go by the time you got to the front of the queue, the only big event I’ve been to that didn’t have this problem was Berlin due to the ample bushes. Perhaps races should only start in areas with bushes.

4. No Marathon

I think that I have never been so glad not to be running a marathon. In a moment of madness in the aftermath of Tokyo marathon I decided that it would be an excellent idea to do the full marathon in Madrid. Then I told Rhona and I quickly changed to the half. It’s very important to have someone to stop your nonsense. Unfortunately because of this I didn’t get the nice number with my name on it with the fada and had to use a generic number even though the half and the marathon started at the same time and took the same route up until 20k. Thankfully they still kept me in the first wave. When I stood on the startline and looked up the road at the big hill I was very happy to be running a half marathon.

5. Two Miles Uphill

I think that the first two miles of this race are like the opposite of the Boston Marathon. It is a ludicrous start to a race and would prompt massive complaints in Ireland. It goes straight uphill for at least two miles before flattening out a bit up beyond the Real Madrid stadium. You’d almost want to do strides before the start because it’s hard to get going uphill. I sat in with the women’s marathon group until we got to the top of the hill which had the added advantage of getting some TV coverage.

6. Plátano De Canarias Series

I think that Spanish runners like half marathons a lot. Half marathons must be the most popular distance in Spain, they love them and I can see why, they are an excellent distance that you can recover from quickly and do lots of. They even have like a Peugeot/Kia Series of them which is sponsored by a banana company from the Canaries. I think I’d be leading it if I’d done Barcelona Half which is a pity.

7. Lucho Herrera

I think that I felt a little like Sean Kelly during the race. I ended up running with two Colombian runners who were doing the marathon. They were ridiculously incredibly good at the hills but absolutely appalling at going downhill. So for about 8 miles we yo-yo’d back and forth until we reached the turn off at the Puerta Del Sol for the half and marathon. They went right and I went left. Just as well as the finish was uphill and no matter how much I’d have channeled my inner Sean Kelly I was never beating these Colombians on any form of incline.

8. M8 / M7

I think that the organizers of the Great Ireland Run should be sent to Madrid on a how to design a running route course. The split between the half an marathon was extremely well done. It was like the turn off for Cork on the M7 except that they made the gantries and signs for people like my mother. The gantries and signs were huge, obvious, in different colors and repeated for about 2 km beforehand so that you couldn’t possibly go wrong. There were lines painted on the road and people shouting. Very very good.

9. Dundrum South Madrid

I think it was great to see an Irish club organizing a trip to a race abroad. At the finish I met a few fellas from Dundrum South Dublin who happen to be Leevale’s enemies in the Peugeot Series which is like the Plátano De Canarias Series without the half marathons. Unfortunately races in Spain don’t count for the Peugeot Series which is terrible as I beat them and would have won the race for Leevale as Paco was running in the 10k so we could have made a good team. They had gone to the Real Madrid match the night before which was apparently the worst match in the history of football and terrible preparation for a half marathon.

10. 24th

I think that 24th was an acceptable finishing position in the half marathon. I can’t really figure out whether I ran well or not as I’m comparing it to Seville which was run in near zero temperatures on a completely flat course. It’s almost like if time is your only reason for running you should only run races from November to February as once it gets above 15 degrees and there are any few hills it’s impossible to run a great PB by me and people who weren’t there will think that they would have beaten you which is very annoying.

Great Ireland Run 10K 2023

10 Things I Think About The Great Ireland Run

1. 10am on a Sunday Morning in Dublin

I think that 10am on a Sunday morning in Dublin is not a great time for a National Championship. Nevertheless I had tapered my run the day before to 8 miles and was looking forward to trying to run a PB over 10k and perhaps win a medal in the hotly contested all important moderately old man M35 category. I was so excited I booked a hotel right at the gates of the Phoenix Park so I could run up to the start.

2. 25-30 Minute 10k Runners

I think the first inkling I had that things were not going to go well was when I met Alfie on my run up to the start. Did you see they have a sign 25-30 minute runners at the start? he said, They must be expecting Jacob Kiplimo or someone. Sure I suppose they had Bekele in the past, must just be an old sign.

3. No Team

I think that it is impossible for a club from Cork to field a team in Dublin at 10am on a Sunday morning. Nevertheless we managed to scramble together a team of four. Now I was even more looking forward to not only a potential M35 medal but maybe a national title. That would be great wouldn’t it, on a Sunday morning at 10am in Dublin.

4. 3k Marker

I think that the second inkling that I had that things were not going to go well was when I saw the 3km marker a few 100m after starting. “Ah that makes sense we are going to turn right off the main road and go back through the start” is what I thought. Then I saw the 1km and 2km marker accurately placed and marked. All very good, and a nice group perfectly paced by Emmett Dunleavy. It was all set up for a Great Ireland Run for me.

5. Applied Maths

I think I started to get a bit worried as we turned and ran down the main road through the park. Not long after seeing the 1km marker I heard the woman on the mic telling the people to hurry up and get started. 2000 people is a lot of people to get through a start line, we were due back through the start after about 2.5k so it was going to be tight, especially for Jake, Jake O'Regan that is not Jacob Kiplimo. I presumed they’d done the applied maths. I was doing the maths in my head and thinking this is going to be tight.

6. Small Yellow Cones

I think that it is very hard not to follow the bunch in a race. As we ran down the main road just past the 2km marker up ahead I saw the Gardai bike turn in right to go back through the start as I had thought. Strangely Jake O’Regan didn’t follow. Then I saw the bike do a u-turn come back out and drive off after Jake back down the main road. When our group reached the right turn we were supposed to make it was all blocked off with small yellow cones. Small yellow cones to a group of runners running 5 minute miles is like a gate to bunch of sheep, it means do not pass so we didn’t pass and continued straight on. I knew we were gone wrong and said it to the lads but no one really took any notice, small yellow cones mean only one thing, baaaaahhh.

7. Parallel Universe

I think that it is an odd feeling to be 3km into a 10k race knowing that it has all gone terribly wrong and that it isn’t going to count. Nevertheless I was in a nice group and moving well so I kept following them like a sheepdog chasing a bunch of sheep. Heywood was with me so I thought at least I can try and beat Heywood. Then Heywood dropped out so I had nothing to run for. Not a lot was going right. I continued on anyway, sure what else would you be doing a 10am on a Sunday Morning in Dublin in the Phoenix Park.

8. Jake Kiplimo

I think that it was interesting to continue on in the race anyway. We never saw another kilometre marker which I knew meant that we were running backwards around what was supposed to the actual route. As we approached the finish again and made the right turn we should have made the first time it was great to hear the world record for 10k being broken on a Sunday morning in Dublin at 10am. Personally it was great to experience seeing 27:57 on the clock crossing the line in a 10k. Funnily enough it feels exactly the same as about 32 minutes.

9. Disappearing Act

I think that rule number one for a race organiser when something like this happens is to own it. I wasn’t too upset or cross but you’d like to vent anyway it being a Sunday morning in Dublin at 10am when you’re from Cork, so along with my much more Roy Keane like Cork compadre Eoghan we spoke to an official in an AAI jacket and politely told him that we weren’t impressed by the organization. We walked away after making our point. When we turned around they had disappeared into thin air or perhaps the big white tent not to be seen again. You wouldn’t blame them I suppose.

10. Fyre Festival

I think that if Netflix want to make a documentary about the Not Great Ireland Run I’d be happy to participate. Netflix have made documentaries about less, it could be very good, I could sit on a chair and rant with a glass of whiskey, Brian Murphy from Kerry said he’d participate too, they’d probably have the budget to send a camera crew to Kerry. I’m not sure what they’d call it though, perhaps 10am on a Sunday Morning in Dublin.

BHAA PWC 5K

10 Things I Think About The BHAA PWC 5K

1. Storm Noa Session

I think that I would have done a wonderful perfect session at lunchtime if it were not for the storm on Wednesday morning. The great thing about BHAA races is that you can decide to do them at lunchtime on the day of the race because there is no pre-entry or selling out, just rock up with a fiver and away you go. I think a lot of people had the same idea, it’s a lot easier run a race in the wind than do a session in the wind.

2. One Albert Quay

I think that the modern building on the other side of the road from the place where the Sextant used to be before they pointlessly demolished one of the few nice buildings in Cork is a wonderful place for race registration. Registration was very efficient, and I didn’t have to talk to anyone except Barry. The BHAA numbers now have timing chips which is great. I parked over at the train station because I don’t like the traffic on the bridge and I was kind of late.

3. Vaporfly McKeown

I think that I should get a commission from Nike and or Lifestyle Sports for convincing Kieran McKeown to buy the Vaporfly Qubed. I am a wonderful salesman, I could do excellent shoe reviews on YouTube except that I don’t like running in different shoes and it wouldn’t be a great YouTube channel that only reviews the New Balance 880, New Balance 1400RC, the Vaporfly and the Dragonfly.

4. The GPS Vacuum

I think that it is great that we are back racing on the loop that became the unofficial time trial loop during the emergency. There were so many unbelievable times run on the Monaghan Road loop over 2020 and 2021 that people might have qualified for the Olympics there on Strava even with the new standards. On the start line for the 5k I received confirmation of what I already suspected; the loop is a GPS vacuum. My watch would only go orange, never green. Orange means proceed with caution or a pinch of salt.

5. Barry’s Move

I think that I was surprised to lead the race off the line. There was a very strong tailwind which combined with excellent new magic shoes made it possible to get to the front. It wasn’t long before James McCarthy no doubt targeting Ballintotis next week and Eric Curran overtook me. I held third until just before we got to the top of the road where Barry made a sudden surge to bridge across to Eric which I had to respond to because I knew we were about to turn into the storm and I didn’t want to be on my own with John Meade on my back.

6. Ancraophobia

I think that what went on into the wind on the way past the Marina Market was a disgrace. We were like a bunch of chickens jogging down the road all terrified of making any effort into the wind. I need not have worried about Barry’s surge to bridge up to Eric as the minute we hit the wind the pace slowed terribly, and we all bunched up like it was two laps into Olympic 5k final and no one cared about what the pace would look like on Strava.

7. Cork Not Very Nice Track Club

I think that Ian O’Sullivan is coaching a ruthless bunch of runners who will do anything to win or come second and third. When we bunched up into the wind on the road by the Marina Market, I was stuck behind James McCarthy with Barry keeping me hemmed in on the right side and the footpath on the left side. It was all fine until we reached the fertiliser plant when I felt that familiar full leg clip that could only have been from Anthony Mannix. Foot clips are probably like fingerprints unique to the individual. I was terrified of it happening again and ending up falling over and breaking my arm, so I beckoned Barry out of the way and ran out into the wind like a fool, a fool free from the risk of falling.

8. One Mile Race

I think that this race might as well have been a one-mile race. As we got to the corner to start the last lap, I was in the lead having bravely/foolishly run into the wind for about 300m with a wind fearing bunch behind me. When we turned sharp left at the corner at the roundabout running suddenly became significantly easier and we tore/ran slightly faster down the road. James McCarthy, Barry, Anthony and Eric came past fairly quickly once they realized the wind was behind them leaving me in fifth.

9. Machiavellian Meade

I think that John Meade must have thought that his days of beating me were over. His tactics in this race, while showing how much he respects me as an athlete which is really all I wanted in the first place, were cowardly and only worked because of the wind. He sat right behind me all the way until 300m from the finish when he calculated that he could use Eric Curran as a wind bridge to get a gap on me. I don’t really count it as a defeat anyway as 5ks are only fun races and not to be taken seriously.

10. To Race or To Session?

I think that I should probably undertake a course of perfect training and avoid racing for a while. I am beginning to get a little tired of my current standard, it would be far better to be unaware of it and only do excellent sessions. Getting destroyed by John Meade is a worrying sign. The only problem is that I love racing and I am getting moderately old, so I am acutely aware that there aren’t that many races left for me. I think that the answer to the question, session or race at my level of ability should always be race especially a BHAA race ten minutes from the house.