10 Things I Think About The 13. Lichtenauer Wasserlauf in Berlin
1. Mission Impossible
I think I left it a little tight to get to Dublin airport. I have an intensely vicious hatred of spending any time in airports so I always cut it tight. The flight to Berlin was at 17:45, when I was only on the M50 at 17:10 I was pretty sure that John O'Connell would finally get to tell me “I told you so, should have been there the day before”, I got to the car park at 17:25, sure I may as well try, short term car park and fast track fast track security saved me, the queue was gone when I got to gate 414, last on the plane at 1740, it was fun, kind of, worth it, definitely.
2. Hotel Coffee
I didn’t think it would be so hard to get a coffee this morning. Hotels are terrible places to stay, I prefer AirBnB but the hipsters banned it. The hotel breakfast has to be avoided at all costs. The coffee that they have in pots at hotels should only be available on prescription as an alternative to picolax. I eventually got two espressos. They really don’t like it when you refuse the €25 breakfast and eat your own rice cakes like a wierdo. Hotels should offer a runners breakfast, coffee and rice cakes in a separate room.
I think you always see something new at foreign races. Today’s new thing was recycled numbers. If you give your chipped number back after the race they give you €5 of the race entry back. My number had been used at least 4 or 5 times, you could count the pin marks. I think my sweat finished it. I didn’t give it back, I might keep it as a souvenir.
4. Warm Up
I think it’s a very bad idea to race the day after a flight. I didn’t feel any good, I almost felt bad. It was probably the hipster Brlo Helles beers I had with the falafel burger when I arrived. There was a bear on the bottle, a bear, I know, a bear. Really good beer.
I think today’s course was made for me, it twisted and turned along by the river spree. There was path, gravel and even a 400m stretch of grass like the farm. Two laps of 5k made up the 10k. I normally win races with two laps so I was happy.
6. Meandering Muppets
I think I liked having the two guys on bikes ahead of me during the race. They shouted at people like I would have if I had been on my own. I approved of this. I nearly came a cropper at 9km when a meandering muppet wandered across in front of me. I’m very agile so I gracefully pranced out of her way like a gazelle.
7. Heiß Plus Ein
I think it was too hot today. Cork was hot. This was a different level of hot. Hot plus one. Relative Body Surface Area. Big problem. As Martin Mc said “You looked very big out there”.
8. Cillian Murphy
I think the heat put me in the medical tent. The world started spinning when I crossed the line. I was taken to the medical tent immediately. I gave out to them because it was even hotter in the tent so they took me outside (Rome 1960). I told the paramedics that I was Cillian Murphy, I pointed at my cheekbones, I told them I was filming a terrible Irish Netflix series about an Irish runner who wins road races abroad and that the camera is in my sunglasses, they found this funny. I eventually came around and they let me go.
I think I really standing on the top step of the podium is hard work. I had to wait for ages as the world champion bicycle trick guy was doing excellent tricks using the podium and other boxes to do excellent tricks. This podium was very tall, much taller than previous podiums, It hurt getting up onto the number 1. I don’t know how Michael Schumacher did those star jumps, I think I did a wave. These podiums are tough work.
10. Flowers and Sunglasses
I think the organizers gave me the perfect prizes. I got 6 bottles of Lichtenauer water, a bouquet of beautiful flowers, blue sunglasses, an actual winners medal and a €100 voucher for a sports shop in Berlin. I was so happy. I had to leave the water there as it was too far to run back to the hotel. I really enjoyed running through Berlin with a bouquet of flowers and orange sunglasses, you know you’re different when you get looks in Berlin. I like Berlin, I really like winning in Berlin.