Shanagarry 5 Mile 2017

10 Things I Think About The Shanagarry 5 Mile Road Race

1. Club Shades

I think that club sunglasses are a money making opportunity. Last night I wore yellow framed sunglasses I bought in Ale-Hop in Malaga for €10. They matched my Leevale singlet perfectly or so Donal Coffey tells me.

2. Mileage Matters

I think it's a sign of madness when you worry that your 2 mile warm up is going to affect your weekly mileage because you normally run 10 miles a day and 2+5+2.5=9.5. I did 3 for the warm down just in case Strava wasn't happy. I like smooth graphs.

3. Marathon

I think that a positive effect of the marathon is that I'm not scared of blowing up in a race. If I finished a marathon I can surely hang on for 30 minutes flat out no matter what the pace. The marathon is also an excellent excuse for everything. "Ah sure you're only after a marathon." "You can't be recovered"

4. Start

I think that the starts of Ballycotton races are perfect, no nonsense music or random speeches by the local bishop, just a gun and some paint on the road.

5. Aerodynamics

I think the Leevale singlet needs a mid season aerodynamic upgrade package. It's very flappy. It catches the wind, I blame it for at least 5 seconds. That and the big huge A4 number. There would be no sub two hour marathon run in a Leevale singlet with a Ballycotton number no matter how many Teslas you had in front of you.

6. Fight Night

I don't think I've ever had a mid race fight before. I had a minor disagreement with Kieran Mckeown. He had come down with a serious case of ancraophobia. I've never seen someone with such a bad case. He was so scared of it, he had to hide behind someone all the way, I seemed to be the preferred object to hide behind as I'm huge. I suppose the wind is kind of scary and I do provide excellent protection. I'm definitely not an ancraophobe.

7. The Diamond League

I think it's a bit ridiculous to be racing, surging and wheel sucking when you're running along in 5th to 10th place miles behind the leaders in a small road race in East Cork. The Diamond League it ain't. It is fun to pretend I suppose. I did lose the battle and end up 10th so I probably need to get clever at racing and not just tow everyone around sheltering behind me like a big wind breaking fool.

8. Insanity

I think road racing is a form of insanity. I've been running the Shanagarry 5M since 2009 and my times have been 28:30 +\- 30 seconds. That's a lot of training and mileage for the same statistical result. Statistically speaking there is no significant difference between 2009 and 2017. Ah well I suppose it's fun. Insanity generally is.

9. Ooooh Look at Him

I think I impressed the local kids with my shades. All I heard coming back into Shanagarry was "Ooooh, look at him" and "buzzzzz", I don't know if this was horror or admiration but I presume it was the lovely yellow sunglasses which were matching my singlet.

10. The Choke Tackle

I think my version of the choke tackle on Kieran McKeown immediately after the race was a bad idea. I was only messing. I hope it wasn't taken too seriously. It's only a race after all, a bit of stress relief. There are far far more important things.

Grant Thornton 5k 2017

10 Things I Think About The Grant Thornton 5k


1. Lance Armstrong

I think I Alfie was right to accuse me of doping immediately after the race. Last Wednesday I ran a 5k in 25 minutes, tonight I ran just under 17 minutes. If I was a cyclist in the Tour de France they'd all be asking "What is he on?" What am I on? I'm on two puffs of ventolin before every race, it does the trick, that and few iron tablets, some vitamin D and a probiotic.

2. Big Shots

I don't think I've ever been referred to as a "big shot" before. Feidhlim Kelly announced my arrival to the start line like I was Mo Farah turning up to his local 5k. I suppose I did look fantastic. I waved as you do. Referring to me as a big shot is like calling the captain of the local Junior B football team a big shot, it was a confidence boost all the same. I suppose I am kind of a big shot.

3. Ingebrigtsen

I think that rule number one of all sports is that the most important thing is to look fantastic at all times. I think I accomplished this tonight.

4. Hawkers

I think that the reason I looked fantastic was because I purchased a pair of excellent white sunglasses in Malaga for €25. They're particularly fantastic. The white and blue is excellent. They suit the shape of my face very well.

5. Start

I don't think I've ever performed a Mexican wave one minute before the start. It did get the adrenaline going I suppose. I thought that as I was the local big shot I'd walk away with it. This thought didn't last long as two East Cork bigger shots took off up the road. Ah well, the junior B captain probably experiences the same thing when he tries to play intermediate football.

6. Drafting

I think the winner may have been helped by the motorbike that pretty much towed him around the course. Think Nibali in the Vuelta last year. Motordoping isn't just confined to cycling you know.

7. Style over Function

I think wearing sunglasses on a dreary night in Cork is not the best idea. Thankfully they filled in all the potholes down the Marina as I couldn't see much. I refused to remove the shades. Looking fantastic is much more important than a broken ankle.

8. Finish

I think that a 5k is so much better than a marathon. It's over so quickly. I barely even noticed it. I must do more. They're excellent.

9. Campione

I think that winning the team prize for the Gilead Gringos is great. We won by 15 seconds. Four people on the team, the team aspect of the event is brilliant. It's all about the fourth man. We got a lovely bowl. I wore my Berlin hat and Iceland jersey when I was collecting the bowl. I looked excellent again.

10. Debadification

I think that I have completed the debadification process quite well. One week is loads after a marathon. I'm fine.