San Silvestre Chipiona 2018

10 Things I Think About The San Silvestre Chipiona 2018

1. Christmas Races

I think that Christmas is a dangerous time to be a runner. There are so many races on. It’s so tempting to do them all. I nearly did Belgooly and the Parkrun on Christmas Day. Thankfully I’m sensible now after my many stress fractures so I’m only doing two. I’ve learned my lesson, I think, I hope. 

2. Jerez

I think that Jerez is a beautiful place, almost as nice as Seville. I only knew about Jerez because I remembered it from  Formula 1 when Schumacher tried to drive Villeneuve off the road in 1997 at that hairpin. It’s such a nice town and it’s closer to Chipiona than Seville.

3. Blue

I think that it’s wrong that blue is the colour associated with feeling sad or down. It should be grey. The blue sky makes me happy. The grey sky makes me sad. I prefer the blue sky, it makes me happy and able to get out of bed before 10. 

4. Vegano 

I think that it is a very good idea to stick to a vegan/vegetarian diet when traveling before a race. It’s very hard to get a bad stomach from vegetables. Plus when you order something vegan and it looks unusual the worst thing you are eating is vegetables. So long as you avoid the temptation to drink a litre of the excellent orange juice in SuperSol then you’ll be fine. 

5. Faro

I think that Chipiona is one of the most beautiful places I’ve been to. It’s right on the edge of the sea with a beautiful lighthouse. It’s like those fake towns in Lanzarote except not fake but real and really nice.

6. Starting Tape

I think that I found out the reason for the tape at the start of races today. It’s used to push everyone back behind the start line. It really works. Line up the tape and push into the crowd until the crowd disappears behind the line. It really works.

7. Where’s The Other Guy

I think that Michael Herlihy was missed tonight. He would have won easily. A guy in a Jerez singlet did a good impression of Mikey at the start, it was even the same Inverse singlet. I was in a group of about five guys right behind. As normal in Spain everyone looked fantastically fit and capable of running at least 4:00 for 1500m regardless of age or gender. 

8. The Cone

I think I thought I could have been the champion of Chipiona as we came to the perfectly placed cone to turnaround. My group had just caught the Mikey from Jerez and I felt reasonably uncomfortable running with the remaining three Spaniards from Cádiz and Nerja. Unfortunately I got even more uncomfortable and dropped back. I still would have beaten John O'Connell easily.

9. Oliver Plunkett Street

I think that we need to have races at night  in towns and cities back home at Christmas time. The race tonight started and finished on a street like Oliver Plunkett Street, the atmosphere is amazing, starting in daylight and finishing in the dark. It’s perfect. 

10. Podium 

I think its a great pity that I missed the real podium while I was on my warm down. I thought I wouldn’t be on the podium but they do podiums differently in Spain. I was the second non old man so I got a nice trophy and a trip to the podium. I like podiums. I especially like podiums where little old Spanish ladies give you sweet wine from a plastic bottle produced from a plastic bag, she even let me keep the shot glass.


National Novice XC 2018

10 Things I Think About The National Novice XC

1. Pride Comes Before a Fall

I think I thought it was all over on Monday in Lisbon. I took a tumble on a trail in the parque. I shredded my knee and took a gouge out of my hand releasing lots of blood. I think my phone saved my collarbone because I threw it away to protect it instead of using my hand to break my fall. I bled lots and screamed lots about the Novice being gone. Then John Meade took an excellent colourful photo with my uninjured phone and I was happy again.

2. Assumptions

I think we were all wrong when we assumed that today would be an unmerciful mudbath. I was really looking forward to it. We were all wrong, very wrong, somehow the course was soft but firm, sort of like a Twix  bar, soft on the top but with a firm base.

3. Purple

I think all races should start at 3pm, it’s perfect, you can have a big sleep and a nice breakfast before the race. I like big sleeps and breakfasts. I dispensed with the tower of power and had purple porridge with pomegranate seeds. Lots of digestion time.

4. Portaloo Gameshow

I think someone should make a gameshow where people try to find a non decommissioned portaloo which also has toilet paper. It’s very hard to find the golden portaloo, I think I opened 6 doors think before I found the golden one, the one closest to the coffee stall. It even had a second roll of toilet paper. Portaloos are awful, a portaloo gameshow would be fantastic.

5. Tim Crowley

I think Tim Crowley needs to moderate his handshake. It’s bad enough if you have a fully intact hand but when there’s a piece of your hand missing and he presses right into the wound it really really hurts. Con the Bus driver did it too so I stopped shaking peoples hands and defaulted to fist bumping. Fist bumping doesn’t hurt and it looks cool.

6. Perfect Course

I think that was nearly the perfect course for me. I would make one minor change, I would start it at the top of the hill. I loved the twists and turns, the hills were fantastic, a proper course, it even had lovely bushes for sheltering in and peeing in before the race. Really perfect, just start on the downhill, please.

7. Too Far Back

I think I didn’t get out fast enough, it wasn’t because I didn’t try, I always try, it’s just that I can’t run up hill from a standing start very fast. Think of the physics, heavy lumbering object plus standing uphill start equals no chance, once I got to the top of the hill I took off but I was well well back at least 100th. It did make it kind of fun pushing and pinching through gaps.

8. Assisted Falling

I think I have a sixth sense for people falling, I’m very good at staying on my feet, I rarely fall and I never fell off my bike. I think it’s all those years of being a goalkeeper, it gave me excellent feet and excellent reactions. One guy fell right in front of me at the bottom of hill at the tight sweeping corner. He was very big like me, when I saw him begin to fall everything slowed down, I calmly put my hands on him and assisted him to the ground gently while I continued on. Obviously he was never a goalkeeper.

9. Down The Hill

I think I made up at least 60 places on the downhill sections, I’m very fast going downhill because I’m much more massive than the other runners. I was flying down that hill. If only it was all downhill. The finish was uphill like the start, that didn’t go so well, I lost at least 5 places, but sure 5 places would never matter now would it.

10. What If

I think it’s very easy to think “What If” after a race like that. What if Sean Doyle hadn’t fallen at the last corner, what if Conor hadn’t had a terrible disease for the last two weeks, what if the rest of our team like Nate and Brian hadn’t been mangled by injuries. All that matters is that Togher won gold and we got bronze. I think I should have stayed with Togher...perhaps, or else just not lost those five places in the home straight. I’d have loved a gold medal, ah well at least I can still run the Novice again, I really love that race.


EDP Grande Prémio Natal

10 Things I Think About The EDP Grande Prémio Natal

1. Coffey vs Coakley VI

I think Lisbon was a suitable venue for a rematch with my greatest rival, the other Donal. I was genuinely worried that his Runners World Style training plan of “don’t bother running, run faster” would actually pay off.

2. I Give You Sample

I think that the amount of times you are offered cocaine and hash in Lisbon is directly proportional to the colour of your sunglasses. They didn’t seem to bother with John and the other Donal. Apparently it’s all fake stuff anyway, that’s why it’s not illegal. They all offer you a sample to test it. “I give you sample, real not fake”. Not exactly the best advertising tag line ever.

3. Cunning Taper Run

I think it was an excellent idea to take the other Donal on a good long 10 mile taper run to collect the numbers the day before the race. With his Runners World training plan it totally exhausted him. It was only 8 minute miles looking at lovely bridges and towers but he looked very tired afterwards.

4. Fado Fado

I think the walking tour of the Alfama was one of the better walking tours I’ve done. Rita was an excellent tour guide, a lawyer and an actor with fantastic pink hair. We learned loads about clothes hangers made from glass bottles and the history of Fado singing, plus it made the other Donal even more tired. John Meade is indefatigable so 10 miles and a walking tour made no impact.

5. Instagram

I think Instagram is ruining the world, Lisbon is plagued by people standing around posing for photos, they’re not posing for excellent photos like I do, they’re posing for pretty photos like fashion shoots. It’s very annoying.

6. Metro

I think it’s amazing that a small city like Lisbon has such a great Metro system. It’s half the size of Dublin and is way easier to get around. The metro was free on Sunday morning to get to the race start, we felt like elite runners being ushered through the gates. It’s not as nice a metro as Berlin but it’s still very good. I wish there was a metro in Cork.

7. Meade no Warm Up

I think it’s fascinating that John Meade doesn’t do much of a warm up. It’s very unusual behaviour, I like to do at least two miles at about 7 minute mile pace. John Meade doesn’t have a Garmin just a Casio thing but he does about 5 minutes. It’s very unusual, he said it’s because he doesn’t like running slow before trying running to run fast. It seems to work, he should sell it to Runners World, “warm up less, run faster”.

8. Novice

I think the start of this race was as close to the start of the National Novice as you could get. The start was stupidly fast with elbows everywhere. There were 6000 people in the race and most of them seemed to be capable of running under 40 for 10k. Portugal is very different from Spain in that all the guys who look like they’re fast are actually fast. The lack of fun runners was clear from the lack of interest in the big rubber EDP balloon that was bouncing on the heads of the crowd, no one was playing ball, Donal Coffey loved the pre race hype.

9. Condescending Meade

I think I saved John Meades race, I passed him after about 2k, as I passed him he shouted “go on Donal” or something condescending like that, then about a minute later as we turned a corner up a hill he took off and flew away never to be seen again. I spent the rest of the race worrying that the other Donal was going to do the same, thankfully he was miles behind.

10. Waiting for Coffey

I think that was the first and last time I’ll run a negative split in a 10k. The course was all uphill for the first 5k with a downhill last 5k. It suits me perfectly being a big heavy lump, I fly down hills, unfortunately I didn’t fly fast enough to catch Meade. We came 42nd and 62nd I think, we were far too useless for the podium. Donal Coffey finished eventually.


Black Dark Wet and Cold Tuesday

10 Things I Think About Running on a Black, Dark Wet and Cold Tuesday

1. John Meade’s Forecast

I think I should have unsubscribed from John Meade’s weather email when he gave us the chance for GDPR. Unlike John Meade’s stories it’s very accurate. Tonight’s had a big tall red bar chart for rain, lots of rain, dark black cold rain.

2. Twenty Minute Dwell Time

I think I didn’t do too bad with my twenty minute dwell time in the car contemplating not running, the Second Captains podcast on Aaron Hernandez became grippingly interesting the minute I stopped the car. I had a look through Instagram, Facebook, Strava and Garmin Connect to try and motivate myself, Alan O’Brien had a run titled “Misery”, this didn’t help.

3. Hop

I think meeting Hop as he was heading out the door made me realize that I was actually lucky to be going running in the dark cold rain. He asked if I wanted anything from the shop, I said I just wanted it to stop being wet, cold and dark. He continued on to the shop, I started my watch and turned on my headlamp, I don’t know which one of us was happier.

4. Terrible Ten Minutes

I think the first ten minutes of a black dark wet cold run in December are the worst. It’s really terrible, my teeth were chattering, my legs were cold and it was so dark and cold. Once the terrible ten minutes are over it becomes bearable, barely.

5. Reverse Route

I think it’s a good idea to keep a new route in reserve for a night like this. I couldn’t face running into Silversprings again like I normally do so I ran up Church Hill into the northside around the north ring road. It was just my normal route in reverse but it looked new and exciting to my wet cold brain.

6. Heron

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a heron in Cork before but I saw one tonight up near the Glen. He was crossing the road to  Dunnes. We looked at each other for a few seconds and continued on our ways. I wish I’d had my phone to take a photo, herons are pretty, I may have been going mad.

7. Hops

I think that smell by the Heineken brewery is my favorite mid run smell. I think it’s better than the smell as you run past a chipper. It’s a kind of full sweet tasty smell, perfect for running. It reminded me of Heineken Zero Zero, I like Heineken Zero Zero.

8. Pale Waves

I think I was very lucky tonight with puddles, I never got splashed, I saw one poor woman get absolutely destroyed by a car and a big puddle out by Blackpool. Two seconds later and it would have been me. I don’t think I could have got any wetter anyway.

9. Roadworks

I think those guys doing the overnight roadworks on the way into town are heroes. I can’t imagine how miserable it is to stand there all night in that misery turning a stop go sign. They looked how I imagined I looked, cold, wet and miserable. One of the guys made a feeble effort to stop me and direct me to the other side of the road, he really didn’t care.

10. Euphoric Eighty

I think it’s essential to do at least eighty minutes on black dark cold wet night like this. It’s like a switch in your brain goes off at eighty minutes and it suddenly becomes enjoyable. Perhaps that’s why Alan O’Brien titled his run “Misery”, he only ran for seventy minutes, I did eighty, mine was “Magnificent”, actually no it was “Epically Shite”

All Ireland Senior XC 2018

10 Things I Think About The All Ireland Senior XC

1. It’s Not Cross Country But I Like It

I think that wasn’t a cross country race, that was a road race on tightly mown grass where people wore spikes. It was way too fast and far too well organised. It needed way more muck, longer grass and a few cows to have meandered around the course in the days before. It’s no surprise that a Dub won.

2. Movember

I think no one noticed my Movember. I’ve been trying really hard but it was shorter than the grass on the course. I’ve been washing it with Alpecin shampoo from Germany and everything but it won’t get any longer. It’s just not meant to be.

3. Take a Right for Maxol

I think I’ll remember where the new Maxol is next year. Andrew and I got lost again trying to find the coffee station we went to last year with Viv. We went left instead of right again. Abbotstown is one soulless place. Pharma companies and airplanes landing. The coffee didn’t even work.

4. Warm Up

I think you know it’s not a real cross country race when people are doing their warm up on the course. Warm ups for cross country should be on the road because the field is not possible to run on without spikes.

5. The Black Tent

I think that the black tent is a mystery. I still don’t know why we have to walk through the black tent before we start. I wonder what would happen if you didn’t. You kind of feel like you have to because there is a man saying “make sure you walk through the black tent”. It’s the only race with a black tent. It can’t be important.

6. Elbows

I think there wasn’t enough elbows at the start. It was far too fast. I tried to elbow and shove people but they all just ran away. The start should be narrower and muckier with more of a downhill. No one even fell.

7. Had He His Hurts Before?

I think that it is very cowardly to run a cross country race like Conor and Michael ran today. I’d rather die with my wounds on the front, not by coming through the field methodically with purpose and a plan. That’s a road race. There should be marshal’s like in race walking disqualifying cowardly cross country running.

8. Loughlin

I think I end up running with the same people in these races every year. I’ve been running them since 2009 and it’s the same names being shouted every year at the sides, Loughlin is always there, there’s always a Paraic and a Kevin. It’s kind of sad that none of us get any better or perhaps we are just improving at the same rate or maybe there are many Loughlins.

9. Shotgun

I think I was very clever to wear my sunglasses, I knew that that sun was only hiding, and sure enough on the last lap it was blazing down blinding everyone except me. It was so strong it made shadows. Shadows are excellent because you can tell who’s behind you. I knew Tim Twomey’s shadow, I could see the guns in his hands. Then he passed me and my shadow conclusion was validated.

10. Fair is Foul and Foul is Fair

I think that cross country race wasn’t hard enough, I was on the ground at the end alright but something was missing, there were no ambulances, there were no heaps of bodies, it was like a road race, measured methodical pain. It definitely needed more mud, cows and hills. Give it to Cork or Clare, it’ll be proper then, cross country, not that, whatever that was.


Munster Senior XC 2018

10 Things I Think About The Munster Senior XC

1. Weddings

I think that Munster Cross Country races are a bit like a wedding. No one is really sure what time the race is going to start. They give you the start time of the first juvenile race but after that it’s up to you to figure it out. You’re normally safe enough if you get there by 1.30pm. I did. It started at 2.45pm. Not too bad.

2. Blindboy

I think I picked a suitable Blindboy podcast to listed to on the drive up. It was the one about the Volcano in 1816 that changed the history of art. The weather on the way up was exactly like the year without a summer. Big dark black clouds, very angry, kind of ominous. If I was Conor I would have painted an excellent painting.

3. Pink Laces

I think my new spikes are my favourite pair of spikes ever. They are orange like my sunglasses and have pink laces like my sunglasses. They’re very lovely, very flash, very bright. Mark said that you could only get away with them at an NCAA cross country. I think I pulled them off.

4. Drought

I think the drought in the summer must have made the fields very thirsty. The fields will drink any amount of rain. Despite the miserable weather for what seems like forever the Tipperary ground was rock hard. I like the ground like this, with a little bit of bite.

5. Preliminary Disease

I think I have a preliminary disease, I’m not actually sick but my throat is tickly and my nose is running. It’s like my body is fighting the disease and winning but the battle is not over yet. I hope my body wins, I don’t like diseases.

6. Know your Station

I think the start of the race was very very fast. I tried to get to the front but failed very badly. I’m just not good enough to lead a Munster Senior, I’m only County leading level.

7. 6 minutes

I think the guys at the front were going too fast. The guy with the mic said that they went through 2k in 6 minutes, I wasn’t too far behind them. That’s too fast. I felt very bad.

8. A Lot of Running Left

I think that the guy with the mic didn’t need to tell us that we had a lot of running left with 3 laps to go. It’s a horrible part of the race, the adrenaline is gone, Barry Donovan is gone past and you kind of know where you’re going to finish except that you still have 60% of the misery and pain left to go. It’s kind of pointless, we should all just have stopped after two laps, would have been the same.

9. Togher

I think it’s great that Togher are back fielding strong teams again, they just pipped us for third team. We need more teams, if the Barr’s got back too it would be like old days a proper war. I would have liked a shiny bronze medal. I like medals but medals only mean something if you have to win them. Togher won their’s, we didn’t. East Cork hammered both of us.

10. Badly Beaten

I think I prefer racing Michael Herlihy and John Meade. I’d love to have beaten both of them today, I have a chance in the XC, I couldn’t even beat Mark Walsh today so I was probably better off that they weren’t racing. Next time, next time I’ll beat them all.


RC.Oktoberun Half Marathon

10 Things I Think About The RC.Oktoberun Half Marathon

1. Carrigtohill

I think Redwood City is what Carrigtohill would have turned out like if the recession hadn’t happened. It’s exactly like Castlelake except they finished it, they’ve the same concrete patterns around the artificial lake and the same swans. Carrigtohill could have been great, bloody recession.

2. California

I think I like California, I didn’t really like San Francisco City, I prefer the suburbs and the countryside. The suburbs are perfectly gorgeous.

3. Waffle Fries

I think I’d like to have gone to Stanford, it’s a very pretty place, its like the best bits of UCC, Trinity and UL all combined together into one big nice place. I went to a College Football game on Saturday, my favourite thing were the waffle fries, waffle fries are amazing, I don’t understand why these aren’t everywhere, they’re perfect pre race fuel.

4. A View From The Afternoon

I think I’m designed for the Californian time zone, I felt great over there all of the time. I was never tired in the morning like I am back home, perhaps because it felt like getting up in the afternoon. The race this morning started at 7.30am, I had no problem getting up at 6am, no whinging, no sleepiness, no grumpiness, very unusual.

5. Running Full on Empty

I think this was the first time that I have ever warmed up for a race in the dark. It was kind of nice. I didn’t have any breakfast because it was too early plus I felt very fat and unhungry after all the waffle fries.

6. Stigmata

I think heart rate monitor stigmata is one of the most painful running injuries. It’s something to do with temperature, when it’s hot and I sweat a lot the heart rate strap cuts into my chest on one side. It’s horribly painful, especially in the shower. I had to take a break from the strap for a few days, it had just about healed by today. I like data.

7. Vapour Flies

I think I was scared when I saw all the Nike Vapour Flies at the start, everyone seemed to be wearing them. I stuck to my trusty Brooks Ghosts. The Brooks Ghost is the complete opposite of a Vapour Fly. Ghosts are heavy.

8. The Power of Positivity

I think I liked the course. It was, the an out and back with a turnaround at a perfectly placed cone unlike what they do in Spain. It was nice to hear everyone shouting “Good Job” and “You Got This”. So positive, so American.

9. Chip Timing

I think I should have know that there would be some fancy technology involved in the race. After the race I was asking one of the guys how the race was certified if it didn’t have chip timing. He pointed to a tiny little printed chip on the back of the number. “This is the technology capital of the world”. The best chip timing I’ve ever seen, almost invisible.

10. Mighty Man

I think I had to be mighty to win the race today. A guy named Chuck was just behind me all race. I had a guy on a bike giving me time checks on Chuck which was both handy and head-wrecking. With two miles to go one of the photographers said I had 12 metres. It must have been an American 12 metres. I still didn’t look back but I think 12m is hearable and I could hear nothing. Anyway I kicked Chuck’s ass.


Cork County Senior XC 2018

10 Things I Think About The Cork County Senior XC

1. Michael Herlihy

I think I missed my chance to finally beat Michael Herlihy today. I was so close, so so close, I had a gap, I had a few laps of being ahead, it was wonderful, I was really enjoying it. It would have been excellent if I'd held on, I was looking forward to mentioning it to him on every single run forever more.

2. Meade

I think it was a great pity that John Meade didn't run today. I'm absolutely certain that I would have demolished him. He turned up on a mountain bike making excuses about not being entered. I was very disappointed. I was really looking forward to beating him. Beating John Meade is one of life's great pleasures.

3. Rain

I think yesterday was the worst day in history. It rained all day, incessantly, it was so dark, I didn't like it. I don't like that weather. I made purple porridge, got my haircut and watched Burn After Reading to pass the day. Thankfully it was beautiful today, almost perfect, sunglasses weather.

4. Five Coffees

I think I had five nespressos with my tower of power this morning, I wasn't counting but I think I only had six pods left, I definitely had four. I made the tower of power from corn cakes because they are yellow like my Leevale singlet. I took another nespresso with me in the car in my keep cup. I must buy more nespresso pods.

5. Rutted

I think that course was fantastic. Whites Cross is a beautiful place, its no surprise that John Meade lives there, it's perfect John Meade territory, rugged, hilly and treacherous.

6. Mushrooms

I think that I should take better care of my spikes, I made the mistake of leaving them in a bag in the car after the last cross country last year. They were in a bad way, almost as bad as an old lunchbox, thankfully no mushrooms grew in them. I took them to the car wash on Wednesday night to clean them. The car wash worked magic on them. I don't think the spikes are every coming back out of them, they'll be 12mm forever.

7. Mr Motivator

I think Andrew O'Hobbs is a great motivator. He is a very annoying man, he is especially annoying when he laughs and shouts at you "you're not just going to let Mikey Herlihy beat you, are you". This made me very angry, I may have cursed at him. I sprinted very hard, it didn't work.

8. Lead Leg

I think that every race should have hurdles. The hurdles in this race were particularly brilliant. There were two of them placed about 100m apart, they were made of a big ribbed pipe about the same height as my knees. I was getting quite good at jumping them by the end, I stuttered into them, led with my right leg and landed powerfully on my left leg, I think, well that's what I was trying to do.

9. The Bad Samaritan

I think I felt bad for Tim Twomey, he was well ahead of me all race but with 300m to go I saw him stopped up ahead like a Formula 1 car with a hydraulics failure. He looked like he was in trouble. I knew that if I passed him I'd be the fourth Leevale and get a shiny medal. Just as I passed him he got going again. I probably should have let him pass me again but I didn't know how close the rest were so I just finished. Cross Country is proper hard, this wouldn't happen in a road race. Tim will be back.

10. East Cork

I think that it was great to beat East Cork. I didn't know if we'd beaten them when I crossed the line because Donie was telling us different stuff every lap. I ended up on the flat of my back like I normally do. Then the maths started, we beat East Cork by three points, I still wish I'd beaten Michael, I would have beaten Meade.


SMRC 10k Limerick

10 Things I Think About The SMRC 10k in Limerick

1. Cross Country

I think I would have preferred to have run a cross country race today, but I’ve been banned from running them for being too excellent. I don’t think this is fair. It should just be Cork 6k, Cork 8k, Cork 10k XC championships, none of this novice, intermediate nonsense. There aren’t enough XC races. More XC. More.

2. Anything but a Long Run

I think I had to do a race today for the sake of my own head, I don’t think I’d have managed a long run. I’d have been moaning a lot. Racing is much more fun.

3. A Sunday in Hell

I think I’ve forgotten that I used to be one of those cyclists in the sportives that block the roads every Sunday. I got caught in the middle of one outside Hospital. It’s a lot more fun if you’re on a bike and not in a car trying to get to Limerick. I know what it’s like so I was very patient.

4. Braces

I think my warm up brought back bad memories. I ran out passed the Orthodontist where I got my braces when I was a child. It looked exactly the same, exactly. I think Limerick peaked in 2002.

5. Kilometer 0

I think it was very clever of the race organizers to have a start line that was only visible to the race organizers. No one could line up ahead of the start line like they normally do because they didn’t know where it was with out the organizer. It really works.

6. Strides

I think I knew I couldn’t win the race at the start. I was one of only three guys doing strides before the race. I can normally only win if I’m the only person doing strides. This rule has never been wrong.

7. Wandering Thoughts

I think I’ll have to get better at concentrating in races, after about 6k I was really bored. If I had my phone I’d have checked Twitter for cat videos. Instead I started thinking about what would happen if the prize money in races was directly related to the number of people in the races. Then I started thinking about the prize money for the race that I was running in so I started concentrating again.

8. The Sprint

I think I made an excellent sprint today. I saw Mark Walsh do this choppy hand thing at the end of races so I thought about that when I got to 500m to go. It really works. I ran really fast and ran away from Gareth. I kind of felt bad because I’d basically sat on him for 6k but that’s capitalism for you.

9. Keep Cup

I think it was great that the race organizers were hipster enough to arrange keep cups for everyone after the race. It’s like the one that I have for my coffee except that it doesn’t have a lid. I think I was meant to give it back but I liked it so I took it home.

10. Back Baller

I think it is a miracle that I still don’t have a back baller. I have run countless races and I have somehow managed to avoid winning one. Instead I got a brown envelope containing lovely money. At least the money paid for massage. Some day, some day I’ll win a back baller.


Culture Night 2018

1. I Like Walking Tours

I think a wine walking tour of Cork was a great idea. I didn't know that Cork imported four times as much wine as London in the 1800s. The wine tour should be a regular occurrence. I wish Culture Night was every day.

2. Hello I’m John Meade

I think that I'd like to be John Meade at least one day a week. He generously gave me his ticket for the wine walking tour because he couldn’t go. It was great, I think I did a good John Meade impersonation, no one copped that I wasn’t John Meade. I asked lots of intelligent questions and collected valuable information to be doled out during long runs.

3. Customs House

I thinks it's a shame that the customs house is only open on Culture Night. It's a fantastical building. It's like something you’d find in a proper old city like Seville, there must be hidden places like this all over the city. Tourists would definitely pay lots of money to look at the lovely chandeliers, take photos for Instagram and then exit through the gift shop.

4. Michael Lynch

I didn’t know that the Michael Lynch Bordeaux wine that you can buy in SuperValu is actually because of a clever Cork man that emigrated to Bordeaux and married into a vineyard. I always thought he was from Kerry.

5. Berlin

I think I’d still like to be in Berlin, in between the Wine Geese Tour and the Tara Flynn Tour I went to Waterstones and read a book about Berlin. It was about Berlin today, I didn’t buy the book because it just confirmed what I already know, Berlin is great.

6. No Tickets, No Problem

I think it was a great idea to chance turning up for the Tara Flynn exhibition without tickets and hope for a few no shows. We got lucky, very lucky. It was my idea, I think.

7. Lost in Translation

I think the Italian guy from Bergamo May that I met in the queue for the no show tickets may have misunderstood that the tour of the Crawford with Tara Flynn was not a serious art tour. I don’t think he understood why everyone was laughing at the paintings. He wore a very puzzled look.

8. Pockets

I think that it’s terrible that dresses don’t have pockets. Tara showed us a painting of a women protesting about dresses not having pockets. They should, it’s not right.

9. Stonecutters

I think my new favourite place in Cork is the Freemasons Lodge. It’s fantastic. I’d love to be a Freemason. The lodge is like an Instagram factory, they have thrones and flags and swords and everything. The photos were brilliant for Instagram.

10. Harry Potter

I didn’t know that JK Rowling got the inspiration for Harry Potter from the Freemasons. It’s easy to see when you walk around the big room at the top. Lots of pageantry and flags. I might even read Harry Potter after it, well maybe not. I will go to Culture Night again though, an excellent night.


Pacing The Charleville Half Marathon 2018

10 Things I Think About Pacing The Charleville Half Marathon

1. Not Berlin

I think that Charleville is like Berlin if you knocked down all the buildings and replaced them with hedges and lots of Limerick flags. It's very very very boring. I prefer Berlin, much nicer, better walking tours.

2. Lazy Lads

I think it was very unfair of Comber and Alfie to make Conor and I do the 1:25 group. They're both very lazy. I like suffering so I had no problem accepting the faster pace group. I don't even know why I'm complaining, I suppose like complaining too.

3. Stingless Bee

I think I felt like a bee with no sting this morning. I had delusions that I could sting on the drive up but after a few steps I realised that my legs were still bad.

4. Cheesestrings

I think that the Charleville half marathon needs to get bears instead of Cheesetrings. I saw the giant Cheesetrings at the start and while I was tempted to get a photo, Cheesesetrings just aren't bears. You can't cuddle a Cheesetring, it's just wrong. I prefer bears. Michael sort it out.

5. Balloons

I think that Conor and I should have worn our balloons. It was a big mistake, no one could tell that we were the 1:25 pacers, we thought that it was too windy for balloons, it probably was but we could have let them go after a mile. We had to tell everyone that we were the pacers. My pink singlet helped.

6. Retinal Scaring

I think my pink singlet and pink sunglasses might be a bit bright. Gearóid Ó Laoi said that it damaged his camera. I still think it looks fantastic.

7. Instagram Pace

I think that the pace that we had to run was very nice. It's not easy and it's not super hard, it's the sort of effort that you'd run at if you were trying to get nice photos for Instagram.

8. Rebadification

I think that pacing the half marathon may have caused rebadification. I thought that I had successfully completed debadification on Saturday but after about 9 miles my quads we back to being quite bad. I'm not worried because debadification normally takes 10 days so I'm well ahead of schedule.

9. Old GAA Player Syndrome

I think that I should have tried the stem cells that they're selling in the Elysian for recovery from the marathon. They seem to cure everything, baldness, bad legs and old GAA player syndrome. I was slightly put off by the 10% discount for Bladez Barbers with every treatment. It's just not hipster enough, I prefer Tom Winters.

10. Pretend Pacing

I think that I should just pretend that I'm pacing someone for every run I do. I didn't whinge or moan, I didn't ask to stop for a pee and I didn't stop to re-tie my shoelaces just because I felt like a break. It was great fun, I really enjoyed helping people. It's nice. I kind of missed whinging.


Berlin Marathon 2018

10 Things I Think About The Berlin Marathon 2018

1. Bouncy

I think I had one of those really good body days that you get every so often where everything is in a happy place. My legs felt incredible during the warm up jog from the hotel to the S-Bahn station at the Zoo, I’ve never had such good legs before, so bouncy. I wish I could have bouncy legs the whole time. I like bouncy legs.

2. Plan

I think I had a good plan in that I didn’t really have a plan, my basic plan was to keep the GPS pace under 6 minute miles while not breathing heavily, I wasn’t really worried how far below just so long as it was below. Marathon pace is easy to find, it’s as fast as you can run without making breathing noises.

3. Maor Uisce

I think we were privileged to have three fantastic water carriers. Alan, Sinéad and Frank did a great job. I wasn’t able to drink all of the water which almost feels rude but I gave it to the Spaniards in the group I was running with who said gracias.

4. Halfway

I think I was too happy at halfway, I was still bouncy and I got to troll John O'Connell mid race which was great. I wish I’d had my phone, it would have made an excellent Insta story.

5. Exploding Toes

I think I knew that something would go wrong during the marathon. I didn’t think that my toe would explode at 24k. I wasn’t too upset when my toe exploded because my toes have exploded previously. The danger with an exploded toe is that you start to compensate to stay off the exploded toe because it’s sore. I knew from past experience that if you run into the pain of an exploded toe for about 2k your brain will accept the pain and allow you to continue. It worked.

6. The Urge

I think that I probably made the quickest pitstop of anyone during the race. The urge came on me all of a sudden at 25k just as I passed the toilets, I thought about it for about a minute and decided that it was going to have to happen. I timed it at 28 seconds, although I’m not sure when the clock stops and starts.

7. Gels

I think I’ll have to start using gels for marathons. I took one from the water station at 30k because after the pitstop I was confident that my stomach was completely empty. It was a coffee cola gel, like a warm mister freeze, despicably horrible, it definitely helped a bit, I should have grabbed a few more.

8. Mystery

I think that the marathon is a bit of a mystery. It should be very easy and up to 20 miles it is. The last few miles are the problem. It’s not a heart rate thing like in other races, it’s just a gradual slowing of everything. I was trying desperately to run the same pace but the messages just weren’t being delivered to the legs. It felt like the same pace as the start but it wasn’t.

9. Bad Beating

I think I gave Vivian Foley a bad beating. He deserved it after he humiliated me at 41k last year. I was convinced that he’d appear there again this year. I was passed by a lot of people in the last k but no Vivs. In fairness Viv took his beating well and was kind enough to wait for me outside the medical tent while the carnage around my exploded toe was cleaned up.

10. Dynamic Dancing

I think that sometime I’d like to try recovering properly from a marathon just to see how much of the badness is due to running alone. My excellent dancing at the race after party has left me in a bad way. I felt and looked like John O’Connell after Electric Picnic, very shook.


Night Before The Berlin Marathon 2018

10 Things I Think About The Night Before the Berlin Marathon 2018

1. The Fear

I think the fear is the worst thing about the week before a marathon. It’s unusual fear in that you fear not being able to run and being able to run. I’m not sure which is worse.

2. Enough

I think I have run enough miles for this marathon. I don’t know what enough is, but I think that I have run enough. I did 100s, 90s, 80s and 70s. I did a 15 mile marathon pace run a few times and a half marathon that wasn’t quite a half marathon. This should be enough, if it isn’t I’ll do the same thing again anyway and try again until it is enough, some day it’ll be enough.

3. Fresh Shoe Syndrome

I think that I have discovered a new injury. It struck me down three weeks ago. It was very scary, my lower right hamstring went bang. I screamed like I’d been stung by a massive yellow wasp. I still don’t know what caused it. I think it was the dreaded Fresh Shoe Syndrome. FSS happens when you run fast in a brand new pair of the same shoes that you always wear that haven’t been broken in fully, the muscles get confused by the softness of the new shoe and cramp up. Be careful.

4. Zero Zero

I think that alcohol free beer is wonderful. My favorite is Heineken Zero Zero, it’s possibly even nicer than Heineken. The bottle is so so pretty. It has beer flavorings added so that it tastes nice. It has definitely helped me become gaunt.

5. Alan Partridge

I think that I was very clever to book my hotel in Berlin ages and ages ago. I got a very nice hotel because of this. It would have been awful to have to stay in an IBIS like John O'Connell

6. Heroes

I think that the Bowie walking tour was fantastic. We walked for four and a half hours around Berlin learning about Bowie’s two years in Berlin, fortunately Bowie didn’t get very far in those two years. Perfect preparation for the marathon.

7. Expo

I think I really like marathon expos. I went to this one twice so I have two wristbands one for each arm. I met the bear mascot twice and got two excellent photos. I also got a massage from a very cross German physio who didn’t like talking.

8. Techno Restaurant

I think we found John’s favourite restaurant ever. They had a techno DJ in the restaurant and the walls move. The food was very hipster and very good.

9. Belly Top

I think I might not wear my Leevale singlet tomorrow. It has shrunk and become far too short for my long elegant torso. It puts my small belly and large backside on unwanted public display. I might wear my red Nike Gilead one, it’s much lighter and longer.

10. Too Good

I think that I could not be any better for tomorrow. I have no niggles at all, they have all gone away, my right knee is nonpinchy, my right hamstring is unstung and my left calf is untight. That niggle has to have gone somewhere, I’m worried, I’d rather have a niggle. I don’t like it, I’d rather have an excuse.


Long Runs

10 Things I Think About Long Runs

1. I Don’t Like Running

I think that I don’t actually like running. 9 out of 10 runs are complete misery. Saturday’s 20 miler was the worst ever, it was 8 in the morning, everything hurt, Sean O’Keefe said I looked I had a bug and I couldn’t keep up with 730 pace. Friday evening’s 10 miler was the worst ever before that. On Friday I had a 25 minute dwell time in the car.

2. Grouchy

I think the rules of running are wrong. It makes no sense that all 20 milers must be started before 9am in the morning. I’m barely functional before 10am every day and I’m horrendously grumpy. People with children want to start at 7.30am. This makes no sense, why would people who are already sleep deprived want even less sleep?

3. Lucky Number 7

I think there is an agreed standard pace of a long run. A perfect run is precisely 7.00 minute miles. Slower than 7 is either a training crisis or being sensible depending on whether you ran it or are commenting on it. Faster than 7 is either a sign of great form or crazy training depending on whether you ran it or are commenting on it. In reality it doesn’t matter because no races are ever won at 7 minute pace.

4. Mile 8

I think the worst point in a 20 mile run is mile 8. Mile 8 is about an hour but no where near finished, there’s ages to go and even if you turn back you’ll have run 16 miles which isn’t enough. Pains are usually at their worst at this point.

5. Signifying Nothing

I think that nothing of any consequence has ever been said on a long run. Normally John Meade tells stories about people dying in extraordinary circumstances which passes the time. When John Meade isn’t there it’s just standard talking. I like talking, I don’t really know what I talk about. I think I might be annoying because when I run on my own and I have to talk to myself I end up annoyed.

6. Dwell Time

I think there is nothing more scary than the prospect of a solo 20mile run. The scary part is not the actual run, it’s starting the run. A solo run could result in a serious amount of dwell time in the car while you wait for that perfect moment to start. A good measurement of tiredness is the amount of time between turning off the radio in the car and getting out of the car. 10 minutes is perfectly normal. I normally use this silent time to pick the fluff from the grooves of the car key.

7. Routes

I think that it is very important to plan your route. I never plan my route, I don’t like knowing how long I have left. My favorite route is Raffeen because the hill comes at mile 8 and is a distraction from it being mile 8. I don’t like laps because there is a great temptation to stop. One lap plus Raffeen is 20 miles which is a perfect compromise.

8. Water

I think that you shouldn’t drink water on a long run unless you have a full bottle to drink. A small drink of water will just stimulate the desire for more water and you’ll be even thirstier than you were before. If you’ve a full bottle it’s probably ok.

9. Pains

I think that I have never run without some sort of pain. The thing with a long run is that you could have a number of different niggles over the course the run. This is very confusing because it’s hard to figure out if there is actually anything wrong with you. On Saturday I had many pains but they were all gone by the end.

10. Why?

I think that the only reason that I like doing long runs is because of the smug feeling that you get afterwards. There is no worse feeling on a Sunday morning than when you have to look through Strava and see all the people who have run 20 miles. The only defense is to join them in their smugness once you’ve picked all the fluff from the car key.

Reykjavik Half Marathon 2018

10 Things I Think About The Reykjavik Half Marathon 2018

1. Babies with Sunglasses

I think my favorite thing about Iceland is that all of the babies get to wear sunglasses. I wish that my mother had made me wear sunglasses when I was a large baby in my pram. It looks so cool.

2. Braud

I think that Iceland has better patisseries than Font Romeu. I didn’t think that that I would find something nicer than those raspberry custard tarts in Font Romeu but a hot rhubarb chocolate thing from Braud is better. I’ve no idea what it’s called, I just pointed.

3. City Walk

I think the city walk in Reykjavik was the best ever. I learned that Leif Ericsson was the first Icelander to explore North America and that his brother Sony Ericsson discovered Asia and Japan.

4. Dønal Timothyson

I really think that I should have entered the race using my Icelandic name. The race was their national championships. There are only 350,000 people in Iceland and most of them are American tourists so it wouldn’t have been hard to win. I even researched the name I would have had to use. It’s your fathers first name plus son. I prefer my Icelandic name.

5. Beer

I think that Iceland is very expensive. The cheapest beer that I found was 800 which is about €7. It was very nice cold beer called Gull so I had two. Icelandic beer is my new favorite beer, definitely the best beer ever.

6. Cold but I like It

I think I prefer cold sunny dry weather for running. It’s much nicer than hot. It was six degrees and crispy dry for the race like a nice February morning in Cork except in August and in Iceland.

7. No Trees

I think they should have planted more trees in Reykjavik, I like trees, I missed the trees when I was running, they protect you from the vicious wind that blows in off the sea. Trees are important.

8. Perhaps the Internet is wrong

I think that I got a benefit from my six days in Font Romeu. It can’t have been the altitude because Michael Herlihy says that it takes at least three weeks. The only thing that it can have been was the pastries and pizzas. I didn’t change anything else, I just ate pastries and pizzas for six days, lots of carbs, the internet said I should have gotten fat but I didn’t, perhaps the internet is wrong.

9. First they Giveth then they Taketh Away

I think fourth place is a terrible place to finish. It’s an even more terrible place to finish when they tell you that you’ve finished third and then tell you that it was a mistake. I was so excited. The prize for third was literally thousands of money but more importantly an excellent podium on a truck.

10. Blankie

I think that it was nice of them to give me a soft furry blanket in compensation for telling me I had finished on the podium and then deciding that I hadn’t. I like my blankie. Blankies would be a much better prize at races than a medal. Every race should give them. You can tie them around your neck like a cape and run back to your apartment like a superhero.


 “Can we start on both sides?”


Medal and Blankie


Rrhona and Dønal



Jump if you want to go faster

Jump if you want to go faster


Not the Hallgrimskirkja


Happy Face


Excellently Fitted Singlet 


Nice View but windy


The Start


Nearly There


The Finish

Cursa D’Age 2018

10 Things I Think About The Cursa D’Age 2018

1. John Meade

I think that someday I’ll beat John in a road race. I lost to him again today. I don’t like it. When I beat him, which I will because he will eventually get too old, I will remind him every day for a full year. I can’t wait. It will happen, eventually.

2. Croissants and Cakes

I think that it is very important to eat lots of food in Font Romeu. The thin air causes hunger, the only way to ensure sufficient calorific intake is to supplement with pain au raisins, croissants and custard tarts with berries on top. The tarts should be consumed from a nice box, preferably containing three tarts.

3. Perfect Conor

I think that it was very kind of Conor to be perfect Conor and do a perfect session with Michael rather than run the race. They would definitely have put me off the podium. I appreciated their dedication to perfect training. I wish that I was perfect.

4. Puigcerda

I think Puigcerda is my favorite bit of Font Romeu. Puigcerda is pronounced Poo-Cherr-Da. I learned this pronunciation from the mayor of Puigcerda who thanked us for coming to the race and being excellent at running. The Spanish hours are much better than French hours, it is nice to be able to eat after 9pm. France closes too early.

5. An Fear Garmiúil

I think that some one good always turns up to these races. On the line myself and John were very concerned by the professional looking Spaniard decked out in black Nike gear. He looked way better than us in our Edge and Leevale singlets, much more professional. At least I had my orange glasses. Myself and John communicated our concerns regarding the Spaniard to each other as gaeilge.

6. Put Them Under Pressure

I think the best approach when you don’t know who you’re racing is to try and run faster than them, or else just really annoy them by running faster than you appear you should be able to. I knew that John was just going to follow me and run away from me after 2 miles so I tried to get rid of the professional looking Spaniard for him. This kind of worked in that I made them both suffer but they were still there after two miles. I could hear that they were both suffering badly.

7. Dust and Mud

I think that I should have tried harder on the dirt road section. I kind of gave up when the two lads passed me. I was more worried about losing my precious podium place. The dirt road was very very very rutted and mucky. The lead car was kicking dust up which didn’t help, it was very hard to breathe. It’s still a great course, totally different to a road race at home.

8. Formula 1

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone pull over while winning a race with 1km to go. As we left the dirt road section, the professional looking Spaniard had gotten a slight gap on John, I could see that John’s muscly rounded shoulders had dropped indicating that he was giving up the fight. Then as I turned the corner back towards the finish I saw the poor Spaniard hunched over at the side of the road clutching his side. It was like a Formula 1 Race where the engine blows on the last lap. John and I continued on in 1st and 2nd. I tried to catch John and closed to within 10 seconds but couldn’t get any closer and had to watch him cross the line arms aloft like he does every time he wins.

9. 14 Times

I think it was rather sad that we denied the professional looking Spaniard a victory in his local race. Apparently he has being trying to win that race for 14 years without success. We found out that he is a physio from Barcelona called Oriol who has run sub 2:30 for the marathon. I’ll get to race him again in Berlin. I think that he will beat me badly then. 

10. Podium

I think I will only run races with podiums from now on. Thankfully Andrew was there to take excellent photos of me which I will put on Instagram when I reach an area with WIFI again. I had to do the left right kissing on the cheek with the nice lady who gave me my medals, I think I did it right, the photos look excellent anyway. We got to go up onto the podium twice because we finished first and second in both the senior and absoluto categories. I appreciated this. I like podiums.


Medals taste good


The Podium

Coachford 5 Mile 2018

10 Things I Think About The Coachford 5 Mile

1. Lies, Damn Lies and Race Flyers

I think the race flyer contained a lie. “Flat Fast Course”. Fake News. If it was a Tour De France stage Dan Martin or Valverde would have won. Very lumpy, lots of Cat 4 climbs.

2. Coachella

I think Coachford is a very nice place, I’d never been there before. They should hold a music festival there like they do in Mitchelstown, there are probably some Beyoncés in Coachford already. They could call it Coachella much better than Indiependance.

3. Anti Social Eating

I don’t think people appreciate the eating habits of runners. I had to dodge a work lunch because I was worried what it would do to my stomach. I’m getting very good at slipping off unnoticed to get a familiar safe known edible form of food, it’s easier than explaining that you’ve a race. Random food causes random problems.

4. Fat Head

I think that my head has gotten less big. I wore my nice yellow sunglasses during the warm up but they were falling off my head. I had to switch to a boring black pair, I did contemplate the pink ones but they just don’t go with the Leevale singlet. It’s always a good idea to have many pairs of sunglasses in the car. I had 6 to pick from. I picked wrong.

5. The Sash The Rose Wore

I think that they should have put that the Rose of Tralee would be at the start on the race flyer. I would definitely have worn my yellow sunglasses for the photo then even if they had fallen off during the race. The photos would have been excellent on Instagram.

6. Adrenaline

I think that it is amazing how adrenaline works. I have had apocalyptically bad legs for the last few days. They feel terrible, very slow and massive. My easy runs are so bad, epically slow, it looks terrible on Strava, people must think I’m diseased or injured. Then you go to the start of race, take some Ventolin do some jumping and you can sprint off at the start like a lunatic. It’s amazing.

7. The Tortoise and The Hare

I think that the battle between Eric and Andrew was more like a cycling race than a running race. I could see up ahead that Eric had dropped Andrew after a mile, after 3 miles it looked like there was the same gap between them as there was between me and Mike and I wasn’t even dreaming of catching Mike. Then the course started twisting and turning so I couldn’t see what was happening up front. I assumed Eric had won, I even said well done to him at the finish, I didn’t know that Andrew had caught him and passed him. I felt bad for Eric. I appreciate his style though, he races like me, I’d like to be like me, just faster.

8. The Sun

I think the sun is making people faster. I had beaten Cian Murphy in The Grant Thornton 5k before I won the race in Berlin (did I mention I won a race in Berlin). I knew that he would beat me today though because it has been sunny so he would have been out running a lot. He only barely beat me though because I’ve been running more too. I hope it starts raining soon.

9. Goody Bag

I think the goody bag was far better than advertised. When I crossed the line there was a kid handing out the goody bags, I asked him if it had anything good in it. “No, not really”. I took it anyway, it had lovely biros, an air freshener which I will never use and a flapjack which went very well with San Pellegrino. An excellent goody bag. The kid was wrong.

10. Race of The Year

I think they need a podium in Coachford. The prizes for the the race were just perfect but the lack of a podium was regrettable. How can you go to the trouble of organising a Rose and then not have a podium? Shocking. Those photos could have been so much better. I was so disappointed. Voted 5 mile race of the year last year apparently and no podium, democracy doesn’t work. Fake news.


Ronán, Andrew and I


Cian, Damien and I


After half a mile looking fantastic.

Semi Marathon des Jalles

10 Things I Think About The Semi Marathon des Jalles

1. Death

I think my mother would have killed me if I had died trying to win some rinky dink French race in Bordeaux. Normally if I run hard in anything over 20 I end up in the tent so I was genuinely worried about it being close to 30. Death should be avoided if possible, its irreversible.

2. Medical Cert

I think it’s a good idea to make everyone who wants to run a roqd race in France get certified by a doctor. I’m not sure what is being certified though? Is the patient mad enough to run a half marathon in Bordeaux in July? Certainly.

3. Fail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail

I think I prepared properly for this race, I went running at lunchtime everyday last week to try and get used to the heat. It’s interesting that the reaction to going out in the heat is the same as the reaction to going running in winter in Ireland. “You’re going out in that?” “Yes, it’ll be grand” “You’re mad”.

4. More, More, More.

I think I probably should have just run the 10k, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It just seems so pathetic. All I saw was a sign for suffering, would you like more suffering? More is always better, always has been, always will be.

5. Wine

I think you should only ever drink the local wine when abroad. We went to an Italian restaurant last night because I wanted pizza. Italian wine in Bordeaux is vinegar. It burns going down. We sent it back.

6. Warm Up

I think I knew I was in trouble after the warm up. I was sweating like an Irishman in Bordeaux in July.

7. Computer Says No

I think I had the right plan for the race, I was going to run Marathon pace and see how it went, I tried a mile at 6 minute pace, my body said no. It was ok with 6:30s so I ran that. It was still torture, like running in a sauna.

8. Secteurs Jalles

I think I should do more research into these races abroad, I was almost certain that this race was 100% sur route, it was almost. After about 4k we were directed through a field for 2k. On the course map they were called secteur 1 and secteur 2, sort of like Paris Roubaix but running, they’d have been lovely if it wasn’t so hot. The heat makea everything harder.

9. Die for a Box of Vegetables?

I think I’m glad that I didn’t risk dying by trying to win. I was the neuvième. I probably could have been on the podium if I hadn’t stopped for a break at the water stations every 4K. I had to as they only had those impossible to drink out of cups and I needed at least three or five every stop. If I hadn’t stopped I would have won a nice box of vegetables and some wine. I would definitely have been in the tent, definitely.

10. The Spread

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a race with such a good spread afterwards. They had everything, wine, beer, olives, bread, even a sit down meal if you wanted it. If this happened in Ireland people would bring their families to feed them for free. I settled for a pain au raisin and an orangina. I like pain au raisins.


Courtbrack 5k

10 Things I Think About The Courtbrack 5k

1. Dingaling

I think I’m officially what Donie Walsh would refer to as a dingaling after deciding to race again. The problem with being a dingaling is that you know it’s not a good idea but you can’t help yourself. Ah well I’m a happy dingaling.

2. Courtbrack

I think the Google Maps lady has never been to Courtbrack before. She stopped saying placenames after Waterloo and started using miles instead of kilometers. Courtbrack is like Churchtown South, it only exists because a road race is on there. It’s not actually a place, it’s just another Blarney suburb like Tower for people who work in Apple. Nice though.

3. David

I think I’m happy that I beat David. I told him that I would beat him in the Fran Well last night. I was worried because he’s beaten me in 5ks before. I wasn’t really sure that I would beat him but I pretended that I was sure because that’s what the best lobsters do. I did beat David so its ok. I’m sorry David, I can’t help it. It’s a sign of respect though when I consider someone worthy of beating. I like winning.

4. Mike Corbett

I think I was very disappointed to see Mike Corbett this evening. I saw enough of him during the marathon. I thought that the race would be between me and David. It would have been a better race that way. Mike is too fast.

5. Boxes

I think that all runners are in a box. I am in the B box which is from 16:30 to 17:30 5k, anything else is suspicious. Mike is in the A box which is from 15:30 to 16:30 5k. As a runner you dare not try and switch boxes as people will think that you are doping or training too much. We all stayed in our boxes tonight so people should be happy when perusing the results.

6. H&M

I think I picked the right singlet today. I picked my light blue H&M singlet, it matched my dark blue sunglasses, blue shorts and blue shoes. I like blue. I wore my Berlin Braves singlet and Berlin hat after the race to collect my prize. I like Berlin.

7. Tar

I don’t think I’ve ever seen tar melting during a road race in Ireland before. The newly filled potholes were very sticky, the potholes would have been better unfilled, less sticky.

8. Gravity

I think gravity is my enemy. Gravity means that I’m incredibly slow at running up hills, because of this Mike Corbett ran away from me up the hill during mile 2. Once we got to the downhill I was just as fast as Mike but gravity had already decided the race. I’d most likely have won if it were not for gravity. I don’t like gravity.

9. Nimble Naoise

I think Naoise is a very talented runner. I was fully expecting him to be gone once he was gone like most young fellas are in races. After a mile they’re normally gone, Naoise was gone after a mile but he wasn’t gone gone. I really didn’t expect to see him dancing away from me after 4k, I was able to trudge back up to him but I couldn’t pass. Naoise nearly got the finish wrong as the finish line wasn’t actually the finish line, he realised just in time.

10. Coakley not Coffey

I think I should wear a t-shirt with Coakley not Coffey on it. Mick Dooley was on the mic at the finish line and congratulated Donal Coffey on his 3rd place. I told him that Donal Coffey has a bad leg and couldn’t possibly have been running. I don’t know how he mixed us up, Donal Coffey has never worn anything blue ever.


Berlin Baby


The Start


Dave and I


Pointing at Dave


Face Off




Nimble Naoise


Yes I combed my hair

Helios Grunewaldlauf

10 Things I Think About The 13. Helios Grunewaldlauf

1. Ich bin Vegetarier

I think that the Germans don’t like vegetarians. I told Helmut at the factory I was at all week that I was a vegetarian, not because I am, but because I’ve a real fear of kantine food. He proceeded to laugh at me for the week. The vegetarian kantine food was actually quite edible. I almost got fat. I kept the veganism for the weekends in East Berlin.

2. Reinheitsgebot

I think the German beer law is great. It means that you can drink beer every evening and still get up and go running at 7am. I was only mouldy one morning.

3. Mein Knie

I think that my knee doesn’t like the cobblestones in Berlin. My left knee doesn’t seem to mind them but the right one hates them, it told me so. I did a reconnaissance of the European marathon lap yesterday for my run, there were only a few cobbles so my right knee was happy today, it told me so, my left knee said nothing.

4. Fur Baby

I think I don’t like being a fur baby. Due to laziness and a lack of veet I have not removed hair from any part of my body for two weeks, I’m getting furry, I don’t like it, it’s itchy and scratchy. It’s being removed, soon.

5. Rucksäcke Verboten

I think I shouldn’t have brought my rucksack with me yesterday. I went on an excellent street art walking tour in the afternoon and had planned on heading straight to the Brandenburg Gate to watch the match on the big screen. When I got there I saw the sign with the X, it was like they’d taken a picture of my bag and put a X over it. I tried anyway. Not a hope. Instead I watched it in an Italian restaurant with a pizza and some disgruntled Italian waiters. The Ku’damm was fun afterwards. The Germans drove up and down all night doing donuts like Waterford people would if they won an All Ireland.

6. Tannennadeln

I think you see something new at all of these races abroad. Today’s new thing was pine needle course markings.  The km markers and arrows were “painted” on the path using pine needles. It really really works. Fantastic. Running art. Environmentally friendly. They just brushed them away afterwards, a pity because I wanted to take a photo.

7. Streckenverlauf

I think today’s weather, route and course was ideal. It was a damp dank day in Deutschland, way cooler than during the week, almost Irish weather, but no wind. The 10k course was one lap of 96% forest path starting and finishing on a gravel 400m running track, I love that kind of surface, nice and soft. Grunewald is like a massive humongous giant Doneraile park before they put the tarmac down and ruined it, probably the best place to go running in Berlin.

8. Gruneberg

I think I thought I was going to win again until the hill. At the start line I did the usual looking around and could tell that it would be a bit harder than the Wasserlauf which I won, did I mention that I won a race in Berlin. I was in about 6th or 7th after the first pine needle km, then I moved through to the front like a boss. I dropped everyone badly except one guy who was breathing as badly as me. Then we came to the “berg” at the fifth pine needle mark and he got a small gap. The gap remained. I tried to close it but I failed miserably.

9. Podium Review

I think I’d like to have won today. It’s just not the same on the second step of the podium. The second step is smaller, the prize is smaller and the photos don’t look as good on Instagram. Today’s podium was blue and yellow, my fourth and fifth favourite colours, the top step was yellow, I had to do with the blue step for second place which was on the right of the first step as you stood on the podium. Third place was also a blue step like the second step but on the left. Having the second and third steps both blue doesn’t make any sense, the third step should have been green or perhaps white. I like podiums. They make me happy.

10. Nudie Father Jack

I think that a nudist race would have been very interesting. Apparently Grunewald is a known nudist bathing spot. An English guy living in Berlin told me this interesting fact which I later verified using google. The English guy said that the weather saved us from some alternative sights, he said that they do a nudist race sometimes. I think a nudist race is a great idea, just as long as I can wear my shoes, I need my insoles and perhaps my orange sunglasses.