Cork City Marathon 2017

10 Things I Think About The Cork City Marathon 

1. That Sounds like a Good Time

I think my mother's reaction to my time in the marathon sums it up best. "Well how'd the race go?" "2:49" "That sounds like a good time." It probably is.

2. Warm Up

I think a home marathon is less hassle but not as exciting as a marathon abroad. I got a nice 10 minute warm up in around the silent streets of Cork. I even had time for a flying trip to The Flying Enterprise, this was essential, as any landlord will know, an empty house is better than a bad lodger.

3. Trust him he's a Doctor

I think doctors make great pacers. I had the pleasure of running the first 12 miles with Ronan Boland. He was metronomic. In fact the marathon was going fine until he stopped.

4. Thomas The Tank Engine

I think I need to work on my mental resilience. I'm a very irritable person. On the old railway I let a group get a 20m gap as I just couldn't face 13 miles listening to that noise. Perhaps a new marginal gain for running could be ear plugs in your pocket.

5. John's Mouldy Warm Water

I think I'm too much of a water snob. I'm partial to a bit of aqua con gas, particularly San Pelegrino. John was kind enough to meet me with water every 5 miles. I don't know where he filled the bottle though as it was as mouldy as a pint of Paulaner in Spain. 

6. Swamp

Cork and Berlin both mean swamp (I learned this interesting fact on a city walk in Berlin) but that's where the similarities end. Cork is twisty and turny with these little drags that chip away at your legs. Cork is not a nice swamp.

7. Smiling or Grimacing

You'd think that the last mile of a marathon would be ok. I had great notions of covering the last mile in six minutes but I was tres bien cuit by 25 miles. I'd nothing left, majorly suffering. All I could do was smile and grimace down North Main Street like a fool after too many pints. 

8. George Hook

I think George Hook has a point about cyclists. I had the misfortune of having a weaving muppet on a bicycle for company on the narrow footpath out by the Mercy. I told him what I thought about him. I felt like an old crank at that stage anyway. 

9. Marco

I think Marco is a great training partner. I passed him at 22 miles. "Alright Marco" "My hip is goosed boi." I thought I'd never see him again but there he was right behind me at the finish. Those Tuesday 15 milers around the Blarney Trail worked. 

10. Walk Down

I think I wasn't in the best condition after the marathon. There was no warm down, just a walk down. I think I'll have to do more marathons. They're horrendously fantastic.

Being bored the night before the Cork City Marathon

10 Things I Think About being bored the night before the Cork City Marathon 

1. Weather

I'm very worried about the weather. The cork athletics website said there might be wind. I've never run in wind before, this will be very scary. To mitigate this risk I have shaved my legs so as to glide through the air like a formula one car.

2. Haircut 

I got my pre-race haircut in C4. I just showed the barber a picture of my €55 haircut. It only cost €15. It's not quite the same. Douglas isn't Berlin.

3. Tapering 

I absolutely detest tapering. It's terrible, you never feel tired, you can't eat as much food and you can't go for a second run in the evening. It's awful. Never again. 

4. Weight

I think I'm too heavy. 80kg is too much, I was 78kg at the start of the week. Tapering is terrible. If I tapered every week I'd be 134kg by Christmas.

5. Height

I think I'm too tall to be any good at running. Unfortunately I can't lose height. Perhaps a vitamin shop in Cork might have a supplement that would help me lose height to improve my running.

6. Equipment

The shoes I'm wearing tomorrow are absolutely knackered but I don't want to risk a new pair. I've gone through approximately 12 pairs of the Brooks Ghost 7 and I'm down to the last one. The new model is the 9. I don't like change, I skipped the 8 entirely. I'm sure they'll survive one final run. The shoes have London 2012 on them, that was a long time ago. Why do they have to change the bloody models, it was fine, leave it alone.

7. Nutrition 

I think my nutrition plan will be fine as it doesn't involve any nutrition. This is a good plan.

8. Hills

I've never run uphill in a marathon before as I've only ever run Berlin. This will be a new experience. I'm very worried as tall heavy objects don't travel well uphill.

9. Indefatigability
 
I have secured a lone of John Meade's indefatigability for Sunday. As a result I will spend the whole marathon effortlessly running 6 minute mile pace while telling interesting stories to anyone who happens to be running beside me. 

10. Despacito

I do have a plan for the first three miles and that is to do them relatively slowly.

Tapering for the Cork City Marathon

10 Things I Think About Tapering for the Cork City Marathon

1. Leaving Cert

The Cork City Marathon is a lot like the Leaving Cert. It's on the first week in June, you pray that the weather isn't hot, you're pretty sure of the questions that will be asked and you get lots of questionable advice from people on how best to approach it. The only real difference is that my mother couldn't care less how well I do in the marathon.

2. Laois Hire

I think those signs on the motorway warning about the impending traffic chaos as a result of the marathon are actually injury inducing. Every time I pass those signs I see the words "you're not running the marathon are you, you'll definitely get injured again like the last time you tried".

3. Religion

I think tapering is against my beliefs. The concept disagrees with me. I have similar beliefs to Trump, I think the human body only has so much energy, except I think you may as well make use of it while you're fit and healthy. If I can run, I'd rather run.

4. Kobe Beef

I think stress is responsible for most niggles and injuries, I'm not a very stressed person but sometimes you have to do stressful things. Apparently Kobe beef is so good because the animals have no stress. This is because they get fed beer, listen to music and get lots of massage. I think I'll do that this week, drink some beer, listen to music and get massage.

5. Niggle

I don't think a marathon would be complete without a career threatening injury or minor niggle. My injury/minor niggle involved my right hamstring taking on the properties of a guitar string. Of course I tried to run on it for two days which played on the tendons at the base of the hamstring. Thankfully a good massage removed the guitar string, unfortunately the tendons remain less than harmonious. They're getting happier every day so I'm not too worried.  I know I'm nearly better because the niggle is moving back to my left calf, in my experience this is the best place to store your niggle.

6. Disease

Disease is another potential threat to a marathon. I used always get a disease before exams. To protect myself from diseased people I have been taking a Yakult every morning and evening along with some more probiotics and Vitamin D. Salazar and Team Sky are always right. I also keep a bottle of hand sanitising gel in the door pocket of the car as you never know when you might meet a diseased person, more marginal gains.

7. Diet

I read that a lot of people use a carbohydrate depletion diet in the week before the marathon. I was tempted by this because it sounded mad and the people In the 1980s running book did it. Then I thought about it logically and realised that it makes no sense to do something you've never done before the week before a marathon, having said that I've never tapered before either.

8. Pace

I think whatever pace I run at will be either too fast or too slow. There are all sorts of pace calculators that you can use. Marco has one and McMillan too. I think I'll stick to the Donie Walsh pace calculator. This is not available on the Internet.

9. Gels

I think gels are a marginal gain that I can live without, I know they help but so do lots of things. I'd rather not end up like Tom Dumoulin at the Giro. Marginal gains can easily turn into major losses.

10.Jinxed

I've probably jinxed the marathon now by writing about it. I don't know why the marathon is so important. You know what, it's identical to the Leaving Cert, you can just do it again if you don't  get the result you want.

Pfizer 6 Mile Road Race 2017

10 Things I Think About The Pfizer 6 Mile

1. The Sacrifice

Today I felt like a GAA player. I would have loved a Green Safron Curry and a slice of pizza at the farmers market but my inner GAA player decided that this would not be a good idea. Instead I settled for a focaccia and salad. You have to make the sacrifice.

2. 5 miles

Someone saw me running 5 miles at work this morning. He met me at the race and said that I was mad. "Are you just jogging around tonight then?" Nah I'll give it a lash, "so all out then" ah no I'll just see how I feel. This confused him even more.

3. Doping Regime

I took my ventolin 20 minutes before the race. According to Twitter this means I'm a doper. I don't care. (I have a prescription)

4. Warm Up

Thanks to my doping the warm up was very easy. Perhaps Twitter is right.

5. Start

Thanks to the many miles and many beers in my favourite country (Spain not Germany) my legs were as fresh as a pint of Paulaner in an Irish bar in Malaga. It was like starting a car in 4th gear. It gets going eventually but it's not good for the clutch.

6. ACL

For some reason I spent the whole day worried that I'd torn my ACL in my right knee during the race on Sunday. This made no sense, my knee is perfect. I think it is because I listened to a podcast about Zlatan's knee while falling asleep last night and my brain was confused by the birthday can of IPA I drank before bed. I am not Zlatan.

7. Colder but Hotter

Ireland is very cold but for some reason you sweat more in Ireland than Spain. This doesn't make sense.

8. The Race

I'd a great battle with Brian Hegarty, I spent the whole last mile waiting for him to sprint by but it never happened. 4th place is good but no podium today. This makes me unhappy. I like podiums. I would have liked another bag of chickpeas too.

9. Farmers Tan

I don't know why the lads marshalling the finishing pen found my "oh jaysus, that nearly killed me" so funny. Perhaps they were laughing at my ridiculous farmers tan. I really should have worn singlets more in Spain. It looks like I'm wearing long brown gloves.

10. The Gardai

I got stopped by the Gardai on the drive home. They were checking for drink driving. I wasn't too worried. "You've been running I'd say" ah yeah, I ran a race in Cork, "Tracton" nah Ringaskiddy BHAA 6 miler "go on embarrass me what time" 33:50. "Jaysus, go on off you go". No breathalyser.The Gardai are sound. Runners must be trustworthy people.

Media Maraton Pirineo del la Costa De Sol Alfarnate 2017

10 Things I Think About The Media Maraton Pirineo del la Costa De Sol Alfarnate

1. Alfarnate

I think a holiday in Spain is incomplete without a trip to a small random road race in the absolute middle of nowhere. Alfarnate is to Malaga, what Donoughmore is to Cork City, about 30km away, at the top of a beautiful hill, full of old people who drink beer at 10am on a Sunday morning and pass away the day tormenting the local shopkeeper. It's real Spain.

2. Parking

I think there wasn't much thought given to the race parking. The streets of Alfarnate were designed to make it easy to defend from Catholic marauders not to accommodate Citroen rental cars with dodgy clutches. After many failed attempts we eventually found a "space" beside a bin which was guarded by wasps the size of birds.

3. Registration

I missed the online registration deadline for the race which meant we had to pay the exorbitant late entry fee of €15 (an extra €3). My Spanish was as good as the locals English which meant that we had no problem communicating. I just handed them my drivers license, John used his birth cert or some other old paper document hence the full name John Joseph O'Connell on the results. The goody bad had a bag of local artisan volcano shaped biscuits and a flyer. The biscuits go very well with a can of Aquarius.

4. Warmup

We had cut the 10am start time a bit tight as we had a late night watching Tony Adams attempt to manage a football team in Granada. I did 10 minutes out and back the road terrified that I'd miss the 10am start. I needn't have worried, they seemed to have forgotten that they had a full programme of juvenile road races to run off so there was a slight 30 minute delay. No one seemed to care, there is no stress in Alfarnate.

5. Start

Once the last of the juvenile races had been completed, we were ushered to the non existent start line. The race organisers then had a discussion about the route and decided that we would do a lap of the town and head out the road, well that's what the gesticulations looked like. I decided to just follow the group. As with all races in Spain the look of the runner does not correlate to the speed of the runner. All of the men shave their legs and look like retired Olympic 1500m champions from 1992. I think they just doped everyone in Spain back in 1992 and it's still working now.

6. John is going to kill me

I think John isn't going to trust me about any road races in Spain. I don't think he understands Spain. I had more or less said that it was a nice flat road race, grand for a fellow minding his knee and just looking for a long run. I didn't have any basis for this conclusion as the website was in Spanish and a bit out of date. After the first kilometre it was clear that this was not a normal Half Marathon. Once the lap of the town had been completed we were straight onto a dirt trail winding up the mountain. John doesn't like trails. The camber was bad too. I felt guilty.

7. Water

Spain is very hot, I was very worried about water stops however every 5k they had manned stations with my new favourite drink Aquarius and water. I just sipped the water and poured the bottle over my head. I snatched third place in the race by skipping the last water station, the local Alfarnative had to slow down to collect a bottle which allowed me to get a gap. This was my marginal gain for the day, strategic dehydration. Bet Team Sky never thought of that.

8. Finish

I felt really good for the last few km of the race, probably because I was lighter from strategic dehydration. The race finished through the narrow high walled streets of the town, there really is nothing better than running through a high walled street in Spain with people shouting "vamos bueno" and "venga venga". There wasn't really a finish line, I just got back to the start where they made me hug the guys in first and second before being handed a can of beautiful Aquarius. I was expecting to be waiting 15 minutes for John but a minute later he arrived smiling, "ah well you know, I couldn't have auld fellas beating me"

9. Podium

I think we need podiums at races in Cork. Constant sunshine, temperatures in the twenties and a limitless supply of Aquarius makes sitting around waiting for the podium a pleasure. They don't really do post race spreads in Spain, just lots of Aquarius. Aquarius is really nice. For some reason I got to stand on the podium twice. Once for finishing second in the senior category and once for finishing third overall. The more podiums the better. John even got a go for coming second M35.

10. Prizes

I think the prizes in Spain are much better than Cork, who wants €100 when you can get a lovely plaque and a sack of the local farmers finest product. I'm going to wait until I get home to open the sack. I'm sure it's good stuff.

Balintotis 4 Mile 2017

10 Things I Think about the Ballintotis 4 Mile

1. Not Killeagh

The best thing about Ballintotis is that you don’t have to drive through Killeagh to get to it.

2. Summer Evening Races

Its great to have the summer races back, its probably not the best preparation for a race to work all day, but it is a great way to spend the evening. It never seems to rain.

The only problem is trying to sleep after an 8pm race, I always get to sleep easily but then wake up at 3:14am wide awake. Its always 3:14 on the clock. I tried a beer this time but all the beer did was mean that I woke up at 3:14 feeling sick. This must be what its like to be old.

3. Roads

I’ve never been to North Korea, but if I had, I imagine I would think that North Korea has a better road network than East Cork. Cycling has the pave for Paris Roubaix, why can’t the bóithríns of Ballintotis be the same. They might have to take out a protection order like they do for the pave to maintain them in their un-maintained state. Although I severely doubt Cork County Council are going to do anything to them anytime soon. The potholed surface adds character, it would be a pity to lose it.

4. Organisation

I’ve never been to North Korea, but if I had I imagine that they would organise a road race with the same sort of military precision as they do in Ballintotis. Everything worked so smoothly despite the crumbling infrastructure. The race started exactly precisely on time, this is very unusual anywhere except Germany. They even had people line up based on estimated times and people actually obeyed. A really great race.

5. Race Flyers

I think the only time I ever look at race flyers is when I spend the entire journey home wondering at what speed they will remove themselves from the wiper blade. 120kph on the motorway takes care of most flyers, they vibrate furiously at 100kph. I still don't know what races they were promoting. Perhaps it's designed this way, someone in Fermoy is going to find one of those flyers and probably go to the race, ingenious really.

6. Shoes

I finally decided to try some sort of racing shoe. I normally just race in the big heavy Brooks Ghosts that I wear every other day. I think there’s less risk of injury wearing a big cushioned shoe as I'm a big lump but it doesn’t make it easy to get up on your toes. I bought a pair of the Brooks Launch, they're still not exactly racers but they are much lighter than the Ghosts. I can also put my insoles in them. I really don’t think it makes that much difference but at least you look like you’re racing, this is important.

7. Mileage

My main excuse is that I’m training for the marathon (Cork) and I am very tired and hungry. Mileage doesn’t make you faster (unless you take lots of drugs to recover). The first mile was horrible, the mind was willing but my legs were not. I got going after a mile and the last three actually felt good. The thing with training for a marathon is that is that it can be used as an explanation for every performance, if you run badly it’s because of the marathon training, if you run well it’s because of the marathon training. It's great really, I think I will always be training for a marathon.

8. Mile Splits

I’m not entirely sure that I trust the guys calling out the mile splits, I’m pretty sure everyone was told their first mile was 5:25.

9. Ian

I had the pleasure of racing (and being beaten by) Ian O’Leary over the last two miles. I can still hear his cadence, it is exactly 8 times faster than mine. It sounds like there are eight people running behind you all of whom are wearing Irish dancing shoes. All I learned is that in a sprint, twinkle toes is faster than a lumbering lump like myself. It's always good fun to race a club mate, it's not fun to be beaten. Next time I'll win the sprint.

10. Spread

I can’t comment on the quality of the spread as the queue was too long when I got back after the warm down. This must mean it was excellent. I don’t particularly like spreads anyway so I settled for a few slices of sourdough bread and olive oil when I got home, hipster recovery food.

Berlin

10 Things I Think about Berlin

1. Hipsters

Berlin is probably the hipster capital of the world, beards and coffee shops everywhere. Even the Russian taxi driver understood what a hipster was.

Eh...vot es hipster?

You know, beards and coffee.

Eh Yes heepsters.

2. Brunch

Flamingo Fresh Food down by the Bahnhof is the best place for breakfast, brunch or lunch. For some unknown reason German lunch starts at 11am so you need to get there early for breakfast. It has a never ending moving queue full of hipsters and business people but it's worth the wait. Great sandwiches and soup. Perfect coffee. Mohnkuchen is a very nice cake.

3. City Walks

City walks are a great way to see a city. A four hour tour of East Berlin sounds like it's too much but it flies by. Phil the Irish tour guide from Dublin was brilliant, you learn all sorts of things like why Hitler built the Berlin Wall.

4. Howard

Howard is a legend. He was manning the exit barriers from the half marathon. A very big man from Accra in Ghana. He started giving out to me for not speaking German while I was waiting for Conor to return the timing chip. He informed us that he had gotten up at 1am to drive from Bremen to earn some extra money to fund his Kenny G habit. His wife was not very happy about this, "Man someday I won't be here, it's very important to enjoy your life." "I love jazz especially Kenny G, but my wife, she ask, why you spend all your money on Kenny G".

5. Post Half Marathon Party

The main lesson I learned from the weekend is that the official post half marathon party is not as boring as you'd think. I always thought it would be a waste of time. Very wrong. It was on in the Puro-Sky Lounge. I even got a selfie with Masai, the winner of the men's race. Lots of dancing, however a disappointing absence of techno music. A fun game to play is where do you think I'm from, apparently I'm from Czech Republic.

6. Russian Bouncers

Russian Bouncers are possibly the scariest people on earth. The bouncer for the Puro-Sky Lounge was a 6'10 Russian. We dared to enter with our jackets on.

"You vill put zour jackets in"

"Yes, yes we will"

It could have been €50, you'd have put your jacket in, thankfully it was only €1.

7. Beer

Beer in Berlin is like ham in Spain, it's fantastic and there are lots of varieties. The Beer section in every shop is the same size as the ham section in Spain. It's fantastically cheap, they even do nice non-alcoholic versions and won't think you're ill if you ask for one. These are best consumed immediately after running, just like ham.

8. Hackenthals

An absolute gem of a German restaurant. 16th on trip advisor in Berlin. They had their own beer, a dunkel which tasted like a sweet Guinness, it was lovely. The ghoulash and apple strudel was incredible, I don't think there's much better. Very good value, free Polish vodka if it's your birthday, just don't mention Brexit to the Dundeers sitting next to you.

9. Not Spain

Everything works in Berlin, you won't wait pointlessly in a supermarket queue. You won't wait long for a U-bahn. It's definitely not like Spain. Although if you walk down the street in a Real Betis jersey people will shout "Betis, Betis" at you. Secretly I think they'd like to be Spanish, it's more fun.

10. €55

It will cost you €55 for a haircut in Berlin, it will be a very nice haircut and take almost two hours. They will wash your hair and spin you around in the chair randomly. They will only cut the sides. Kenny G will be playing in the background. Howard would approve.

Berlin Half Marathon

10 Things About the Berlin Half Marathon

1. Elites and Blaggers

We had the fortune to meet Seán Hehir at Dublin airport, what a nice guy. When we arrived in Berlin we entered the arrivals hall where Heiko from the race organisation was waiting to transport Sean to his hotel. Sean kindly asked if we could hitch a lift to our AirBnB. Heiko said it was no problem as he was going to Mitte to meet his girlfriend anyway. Blagging works. Nice Peugeot SW to transport us to the door. Heiko asked which one of the three of us was the fastest. I took this as a compliment.

2. AirBnB

Conor and I had booked an AirBnB in Mitte (think C4 in Cork or D4 in Dublin). Lovely new IKEA'd apartment with tall ceilings, white walls and a lovely balcony, perfect for having breakfast in the sun. Berlin is nice. I could live here, hipsters everywhere.

3. Expo

We got the U-bahn down to the Expo on Saturday evening. Not being a fan of public transport in general I just followed Conor. I could be converted. It kind of works in Germany. I haven't seen any strikes.

4. Massage

The Expo was pretty much the same as the full marathon expo lots of randomness that you'd never buy anywhere else. There was was,one good stall where they were selling Bosnia Herzegovina and Croatia t-shirts for €5, I bought three. I don't know why but you feel obliged to spend money at these things, it's sort of like the ploughing match for farmers, where they just have to buy that independent suspension trailer despite having one already. I then found the massage tent where they were offering 20 minutes of massage for €15. I told Conor I'd only be 20 minutes. 50 minutes later (Conor says it was more like an hour) I emerged fully refreshed, slight calf niggle sorted. I just kept talking to the masseuse and he kept working. Blagging works.

5. Donie Walsh and Salazar

We spent the evening before the race with a beer watching YouTube videos of Donie Walsh at the Munich Olympics and Alberto Salazar's duel in the sun. Inspirational stuff. I'm sure this has never been done before. The beer normally helps avoid the cursed broken sleep.

6. Warm Up

The AirBnB was about 3 miles from the start, perfect warm up. I woke at 730 after a broken sleep. Broken sleep is an awful curse, I'd hate to be old. On the jog down to the start we met this really serious German runner, I tried to start a conversation but he was having none of it, very angry man. At the first junction he deliberately went the wrong direct just to avoid us. God am I that annoying. I mean I didn't even get a chance to go on a rant about doping.

7. Shaved Legs

The start was a mix of Ballycotton and Berlin Marathon, they had an A pen, but this was anything up to 1:30, it was pretty packed. The one main difference between Ballycotton and the Berlin Half is shaved legs. 90% of the men had shaved legs. There were a lot of hairy backs, a hairy back (very hairy) and shaved legs makes no sense.

8. Start

The start of the race is the exact same as Ballycotton, the local (whatever the Berlin equivalent of a GAA player is, decides that the best way to break his 1:35 Half Marathon PB is to run the opening mile in 5:20. A complete caramboulage. Didn't think the Germans would do chaos, considering that when you J walk all you hear is entschuldigung. Anyway it eventually thins out after about 2 km.

9. Course

The course is pretty perfect, flatter than the farm. First 9 km is arrow straight, there was a subtle breeze but by Irish standards it was still. I ran well enough but the wheels came off towards the finish. The angry German from the warm up passed me at 20km, I really wanted to catch up and crush him but try as I might I couldn't, the tank was empty. Conor ran a fantastic PB for the half marathon, he will have to stop improving, it's very unfair.

10. Medical Tent/Sauna

I ended up in the medical tent or sauna after the race. I did a wobbler at the finish line, the normal XC thing although a bit more. I thought they'd have known that the worst thing you could do with an Irish man after a warm race is to heat him up even more by putting him in a tent. Anyway I recovered quickly, chatting away to the German girl who had the misfortune of treating me. I think she thought I was trying to chat her up, her supervisor wasn't very impressed. Apparently they're not supposed to talk to us in Germany, I told her it was normal in Ireland, she liked that.

Ballycotton 10 2017

10 Things I Think About The Ballycotton 10

1. Wind

"Ní hé lá na gaoithe lá na ras."

So foul and fair a day I have not seen. Beautiful sunny day but a with a malevolent northerly wind, very unusual for Ballycotton. The wind was that spirit crushing kind you get on a bike. I haven't experienced such misery since climbing the Vee on a bike. That evil sort of wind that makes you think your brake is rubbing. Not a day for big tall lump like me, no shelter, although quite a few people took shelter behind me.

2. Quaint

Ballycotton is a beautiful quaint village, 3000 people is not a quaint number of people. I prefer the small 5 mile races, much more character. If you hang around afterwards the quaintness returns, perhaps the wind blew it out to sea.

3. Excuses

Any good athlete has a ready made list of excuses like "those testosterone patches were just a delivery error" or "the jiffy bag contained fluimucil definitely not triamcinalone". Mine was five weeks missed training with a torn post tib tendon. Unlike Team Sky I think my excuse might stand up to scrutiny by a House of Commons committee. I hope they call me.

4. Swedish House Mafia

I spent the hour before the race reading the Sunday Times in the car trying to psych myself up. It didn't work. I really should stop reading David Walsh's column.

5. Elites

I don't know why I didn't even try and blag my way into the elite entry pen. I'm not elite but that didn't seem to be important. I'm normally better at blagging. If you can blag your way into an airport lounge, the start line of ballycotton should be a piece of cake.

6. Start

The start of Ballycotton is an exercise in running restraint, you know you shouldn't be running too fast but it's extremely disconcerting to be overtaken by the full forward line of the local GAA team. I think I caught them.....eventually.

7. First Mile

I dislike the way they call out the splits. All I heard was "that's not very good, is it?" Not a good sign.

8. White Dog vs Black Dog

The black dog on my right shoulder was having a serious disagreement with the white dog on my left shoulder all race. Very nasty that black dog, he had the poor white dog by the throat out around Ballymaloe, I thought he was going to kill him. He doesn't say anything during the cross country, he must like the grass.

9. Finish

With the malevolent wind at your back the finish wasn't too bad. I was more happy to be not be listening to the black dog anymore. The white dog is much nicer, pity he was so quiet today.

10. T-Shirt and Mug.

Sure how bad. There are worse ways to spend a Sunday. It's just that much like Macbeth, If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well It were done quickly".

Cork Coffee Weekend

10 Things I Think about Cork Coffee Weekend

1. Hipsters

Does going to Cork Coffee Weekend make you a hipster? John Meade was going so it probably does, seeing as he virtually lives in the Triskel.

2. Dress Code

Not sure I was appropriately dressed for the occasion, white Nike runners, tracksuit bottoms, a yellow Leevale jacket and a red Sevilla jersey did not exactly match the hipster dress code (or maybe it did). The camogie playing barista at Alchemy had a lovely red square peaked baseball hat which I felt might hipsterize my outfit. I asked her for one but she only had a black regular cap. Ian O'Leary was more than happy to accept the free gift. I ordered the red one off the internet later.

3. Alchemy

In Alchemy I learned that I've been making aeropress coffee all wrong. Who'd have thought that you're not actually supposed to follow the instructions. It's supposed to be inverted, 16g of fine ground coffee added then slowly filled with water. I also learned that Avonmore milk is the best.

4. Flat White/Cappuccino/Latte

Apparently in Alchemy all three are the same. This is very confusing. I ordered two just to check. It's true. It may also be true that in Italy its illegal to drink cappuccino after 11am. Cork Coffee Roasters do differentiate between Flat Whites and Cappuccinos, is this important? Perhaps. Coffee is very confusing.

5. Lovely Hurling

Baristas can play hurling on Barrack Street on their break. It helps if Ainle Ó is around.

6. Cork Coffee Roasters

Here I learned that Starbucks serve horrendous coffee. I already knew this, but much like Facebook it's nice to have your opinion reinforced. They had a lovely miniature coffee roaster setup outside the shop which reminded me too much of the machines at work.

7. Molten Toffee

Molten Toffee is the cockney slang for a coffee, it's also a ridiculously good coffee cocktail at Orso. Salted caramel, coffee and Tia Maria. What could possibly go wrong.

8. Orso

Orso put on the best show. Free cocktails, coffee and chocolate. Yuliyan should have his own TV show. He must be the only Bulgarian who can speak as gaeilge. Definitely the best Irish Coffee I've seen and tasted. Unfortunately I didn't win the free barista class.

9. Alchemy 2

Alchemy 2 (yes there are 2) had coffee tasting, I couldn't tell the difference between any of them which probably means I'm not a hipster. That or I'd had too much coffee.

10. Filter

Rather aptly the coffee journey ended at Filter just like all coffee. Filter is very small. There was no way all those people were going to fit inside. I slept very well.

Banna

10 Things I Think About Banna

1. Banna

I didn't think I'd like Banna as much as I did, I had images of a combination of Youghal and Trabolgan. It's nothing like that. I wish could do 5 miles on that beach every morning. Stunning. Even the weather co-operated.

2. Houses

I think the holiday homes were a pleasant surprise. They don't look the best on the outside but inside they are really well kitted out with good beds. The lack of mobile coverage meant we had to actually talk to each other rather than just stare at our phones. Who'd have thought you could pass an evening talking about the price of a Skoda Octavia.

3. Session

I think I'm not designed for running on sand dunes. The Saturday session was 4x10 minutes around the dunes. I'm not blessed with twinkle toes so a rabbit hole riddled trail was never going to suit. Great fun all the same, very different to running around the farm. Good for the ankles.

4. Food

I think Kate Browne's bar is a great little restaurant. As we had the misfortune of not being assigned a house with the masterchef Terry, we had dinner in Ardfert. French Onion Soup, Sea Bass and Pear and Almond Tart were all really good. It's a great spot. I still don't know what was on the menu Chez Terry.

5. The Pub

I think it's a good idea to wear sunglasses and a trump hat indoors in a pub in Ardfert.

6. The DJ

I think the DJ in Ardfert needs a new setlist, I haven't heard both versions of Maniac in a long long time, I'd be quite happy to never hear them again, at least he played John O'Connell's new favourite band the Script.

7. Dancing

I think I need to practice my dancing if I'm ever to approach Tim Crowley levels of excellence, that man can dance. My dancing technique involved jumping with my hands in the air, I'm sure it looked fantastic especially with the trump hat and sunglasses. My arms were very sore in the morning.

8. Marauders

I don't think I've been in a house that has been invaded at 2am by marauders since college. I think they just wanted my sunglasses and trump hat, they seemed to be happy and leave once they had retrieved them. Marauders are quite scary. Thankfully I got my hat and shades back in the morning.

9. The Long Run

I think the 20 miles out around Kerry Head is wonderful, stunning scenery, lots of hills and very few cars. It's a bloody hard route, which was made even harder by John insisting on getting every hill over with quickly.

10. Going Home

I don't think there is a better way to spend a weekend in January. It's pretty perfect.

Seville

10 Things I Think About Seville

1. Spained

I think "Spaining" is an inevitable part of any holiday in Spain. "Spaining" is any delay, inaccuracy or inconvenience that happens when in Spain. It is a cyclical process. The waiter or shopkeeper who is "Spaining" you is also being "Spained" by a fellow Spaniard. Their car park was probably too small to get out of or the button that opens the washing machine was missing. That is the reason why they haven't brought you your beer or have decided to close all of the checkouts in the supermarket. It's not some personal vendetta. The best way to deal with "Spaining" is to embrace it and enjoy the experience,it's not malicious and by the end of the holiday you will look forward to it each day.

2. AirBnB

I think the AirBnB was beautiful, a four bedroom apartment about a 10 minute walk from the centre. The owner liked art, particularly religious art. The walls were crowded in paintings. My bedroom was like a shrine from Knock. I felt very safe and holy. We never got around to doing our own paintings, I'm sure they would have been appreciated. The car park improved my driving skills no end, not sure it did much for the clutch of the rental car.

3. Running

I think Seville is a great city for running. It's not that big but thanks to the numerous white elephant sports facilities and expo parks there are lots of safe off road running paths. The wide promenade along by the river was perfect for sessions. The city also has a great network of two way bicycle paths which are ideal for running on. The cobbled streets aren't great for running but it's good for ankle strength.

4. Bread, Olive Oil and Iberico Ham

I think that fresh bread, olive oil and ham is the perfect fuel for running. It's perfect for breakfast lunch and dinner. It's also good as a snack. I like Iberico ham a lot.

5. Fluimucil

I don't think Fluimucil was in the jiffy bag. Inspired by the contents of Bradley Wiggins's jiffy bag I was anxious to try out this Team Sky marginal gain. It was a major disappointment. Fluimucil is everywhere in Spanish pharmacies, it's just a decongestant that Spanish people use when they get a headcold. I bought a few boxes just in case. It had nothing to do with the sub 3:00 minute km pace that the race results in Chipiona credited us with. That was Spain. I do think that it cleared my headcold.

6. "We don't have"

I think that it is a perfectly acceptable practice in Spain to offer a person an extensive menu of tapas, give them 20 minutes to choose and then when they order, reply "we don't have". This will be repeated for all of the nice sounding dishes on the menu. It's clever when you think about it.

7. Cod

I don't think I've ever seen someone order Cod with vegetables and then receive a plate containing no Cod.

Peak "Spaining".

8. Top 3 Restaurants

1. El Traga, best waiter in Spain, best steak and best Sangria.

2. Veloute, just across the road from the AirBnB. Great mini burgers, Hierbas is a nice digestif.

3. Los Palillos, Japanese beef curry was the best dish I ate (almost as good as bread ham and olive oil).

Honourable mention, Meson Guadalquivir home of the black pudding Irish breakfast tapas that fuelled Michael Herlihy to victory in Chipiona.

Worst Restaurant, Tribeca, where John got codded.

9. Meal Times

I think it is impossible to eat in Spain between 5pm and 830pm. Every restaurant closes at 5pm, just as all the foreign tourists are getting hungry. This could be deliberate I'm not sure. If you get to 5pm and are hungry it's going to be a long evening unless you've stocked up on ham bread and olive oil or failing that a box of cornettos.

10. New Years Eve

I think New Years Eve in Seville was unusual. The Sevillians only start to go out at midnight to eat their grapes. Every restaurant is closed. We left the apartment just before midnight and wandered down into the centre anticipating some sort of countdown or fireworks. A huge crowd had gathered in the square to celebrate New Years. Then the clock hit midnight...nothing, this is Spain we thought, it might just be late. The fireworks never did go off, they'll probably go off some day next week, it being Spain no one will care.

San Silvestre Seville

10 Things I Think about the San Silvestre Seville

1. Spained

Myself and John entered the race online the night before for €15 which included a nice t-shirt. The entry fee had increased from €10 earlier in the week. When we got to the entry desk to collect our numbers, our names were absent from the list. Anticipating a bout of spaining we had our confirmatory emails. We showed our emails to the nice Spanish ladies who after gesticulating and kissing each other randomly for about 15 minutes produced two numbers and two t-shirts. Problem solved. Spain is great.

2. Race Prep

We weren't really targeting this race. We did our normal session in the morning and then had a big feed of tapas. By 6 o'clock we weren't exactly in peak condition for racing.

3. Race Gear

The San Silvestre races are as much a novelty costume race as anything else, entrants included a team of roman soldiers, a set of christmas decorations and a fairy. I wore my "Shteak Spuds and Pull Like a Dog" Hairy Baby T-Shirt along with my new cheap dodgy sunglasses. I don't think this qualified as a costume.

4. Route

This is Spain, the race was advertised as "approximados 5k" I think this translates as any distance except 5k. God only knows why it couldn't have been exactly 5k as they had a traffic cone at one end of the course which could just have been moved to make the correct distance. One thing I've learned is that the Spanish aren't big on accuracy. It ended up being 5.5k. Ah sure how bad. They chip timed it for some mad reason.

5. Start Line

At the start they had the most stereotypical charismatic Spanish MC on duty to whip up the crowd, think Cork cross country races just Spanish. Knowing my territory, I wandered over to him and said something about being Irish. This made him very happy (indicated by gesticulation) so he handed me the microphone. I advised everyone to "Pull like a Dog". Sinead, Conor and John found it funny not so sure about the Spaniards.

6. Start

As with all races in Spain everyone of the 2000 entrants including the costumes looked like elite athletes who had been hot housed for many years in preparation for this race. The charismatic Spanish MC counted us down and off we took at far too fast a pace.

7. The Race

I had planned to run the race with Conor and John pacing Sinead however that plan didn't last long due to the adrenaline coursing through my body from my prerace MC duties. I was hoping that the course would be "approximados" less than 5k and I'd be able to be brag about my 14min 5k in Spain (fuelled by fluimucil) however it ended up being an 18:30 5.5k. At the end we all received a lovely goody bag which as you would expect in Seville contained an orange and a bottle of water.

8. "Elle" Campione

This week has been a good week for Irish athletes in Spain, Conor's sister Sinead who only arrived this morning was perfectly paced around the course by John and Conor to win the women's road race in a dramatic sprint finish. I did apologise for neglecting my pacing duties but I was confident in John's stamping driving any competition insane.

9. The Prize Giving

The prize giving was conducted by the charismatic Spanish MC. What a voice that man has. Approving of my pre race speech about dogs he again offered me the microphone. Full of post race adrenaline I started waffling thanking the people of Seville for their wonderful road race. I then congratulated Conor's sister who's name had been replaced in my brain by Claire Lambe the Olympic rower. The Spaniards didn't notice, this MCing crack is hard work.

10. Prizes

My favourite food so far in Spain is ham, Spanish ham is astoundingly good. For some reason second place in each category received a huge leg of ham. God that ham looked good, I wish I had finished second. Sinead got a lovely prize of a holiday in Malaga, for some reason the race organisers took my phone number, I think the charismatic Spanish MC might need an apprentice. Maybe I won't come home, I hear MCing pays well.

San Silvestre Chipiona

10 Things I Think about the San Silvestre Chipiona

1. Chipiona

Chipiona is a small seaside village about 100km south of Seville, think a hot Youghal. According to John's old book it has a tall lighthouse. We didn't see any lighthouse.

2. Race Registration

Race registration was a difficult process, welcome to Spain. Information on the race was confined to a single picture on the Sevillian equivalent of the corkrunning blog. We managed to enter on line for €7 which included a race T-shirt. Michael managed to enter a different race in a similarly named town. Thankfully I had also emailed the race organiser who entered us again so we had duplicate entries. Michael Herlihy was Donal Coakley for the night. The Spaniards saw nothing suspicious in this.

3. Juvenile Races

When we arrived, juvenile road races were taking place on the finishing straight of the road race route. Great to see kids racing before the adults. A lot more enjoyable for the kids than being forced to run through muck and potholes in a field in West Kerry.

4. T-Shirts

Our €7 entry fee included a free t-shirt. I asked for a medium, I got a large. If you asked for a small you also got a large. This is called being "spained". T-shirts came in many colours.

I'm sure the sevillerunning blog is alive with posts about the t-shirts.

5. Start Time

To avoid the likelihood of being "spained" by the race starting early (or late) we asked two local runners what time the race started. 620 we were told, it started at 615 exactly as advertised. Welcome to Spain. Thankfully we ignored the advice and got to the start well in advance.

6. Start

Over 400 runners lined up on the start, at least 390 of them looked like they were capable of running a 4 minute mile. Even the masters athletes looked fast. There was even a guy who looked more Irish than us, think Canelo Alvarez, red-red hair. The gun went at precisely 615 just as the sun was setting, off the Spaniards sprinted at about 4 minute mile pace.

7. 1st Mile

The start was stupidly fast, Michael got to the front ahead of all the Spaniards, I don't think they thought he'd last. After a minute or two they sat back in a group shouting "tranquillo, tranquillo". Michael didn't listen and continued to clip along at 5 minute miles. Conor and John ran along in the tranquillo group at about 5:20 mile pace. I hung on as best I could.

8. The Course

The race was advertised as 6.2km. It was around that, this being Spain, flat as a pancake right through the narrow walled streets of Chipiona. We had to turn around a traffic cone at one stage but other than that it was fantastic. Really atmospheric, it started in fading sunlight and finished in the dark. Take note Irish road races.

9. The Finish

Michael finished well clear of the chasing pack of spaniards to take become the champione of Chipiona in a new course record. I just pipped John in a dramatic sprint finish, John pleaded that he thought we'd to do another lap, however John didn't realise that Spain is a jungle and he'd just been spained.

10. Prize Giving

The awards ceremony was just as drawn out as back home, the juveniles were presented with their trophies first which meant a good long wait for Mike, the new hero of Chipiona. There were no tea and sandwiches, just roasted chestnuts. The only way of letting the spaniards know where we were from was to make a walking action and say Robert Heffernan, then they'd nod approvingly. Spain, what a place.

National Novice XC

10 Things I Think about the National Novice XC

1. Shakeout

Experimented with a 10 minute run this morning after getting up to try and wake the legs up before the drive. Don't know if it works. I don't know if it qualifies as post-activation potentiation (PAP) but if I was selling stuff that's what I'd call it.

2. Breakfast

Pre-race breakfast of two bananas and a few rice cakes. If I was selling a nutrition plan, I'd call this a low residue breakfast. Goes well with a few nespressos.

3. Drive

Anglesboro to Dundalk is not a long trip, ~2:40 with a coffee stop. At least we have one good road in the country.

4. The Niggle

All runners have a niggle, any runner who says they haven't a niggle is lying. It's perfectly acceptable to have one niggle, most of the time it moves around from leg to another. This weeks niggle was my lower stomach. It didn't seem to bother me at all today. I wonder where the niggle will go next, probably my foot.

5. Warm Up

Kind of miscalculated the warm up, did 3 laps with Conor. It's not a nice feeling to hear the starters whistle when you still don't have your spikes on. Got there in the end with plenty of time. Good to get the adrenaline going.

6. The Start

The start of the national novice is as close as you'll ever get to the the trenches of World War I. Most of the people there know it's a hopeless cause, would rather be anywhere else and are probably going to end on the flat of their backs.

7. First Mile.

I put my watch on auto pause so I didn't have to press start. (I'm really clever.) 5:00 minutes for the first mile, still only about 30th. This means I didn't go off too fast. It's not a road race.

8. The Course

Great course, it's like the UCC farm with a few hills and ramps thrown in. The ramp is very difficult when you've long legs like me but I got over it successfully three times. I'm sure it was very graceful. It's not real cross country though.

9. The Race

If you think for even a second in this race you'll loose 10 places. Thinking is not good. I don't think I thought during the race.

10. The Finish

Ended up 39th, lost about 5 places in the last 100m but I am incapable of sprinting. Ended up on the ground with the paramedics worried that I was going to get trampled on. I didn't care. I had my fun and that's all that matters.

Cork County Senior XC

10 Things I Think about the Cork County Senior XC

1. I love cross country.

It's pure athletics, no looking at splits or times, just hard running. Totally out of breath from the start, heart rate through the roof.

2. First Mile

I think I ran the first mile a little bit too fast. 5:03 minute mile according to Strava. Considering I can barely do 5:30s on the track, 5:00 minute miles in a farmers field was probably ambitious. I felt (and looked) like one of those GAA players at the start of every road race, only difference being I finished the race.

3. Giggling

Elite runners can giggle when running 5:00 minutes miles. As I passed the front bunch on the first lap all I heard was giggling. Sean McGrath came after me, the rest correctly assumed that I was a lunatic.

4. Blisters

Blisters can be fixed using Compeed and Leukoplast. I've a huge blister on my foot due to a new shoe but a Compeed blister plaster and a layer of Leukoplast makes any blister pain free. (Must be pink woven leukoplast).

5. The Guy With The Mic

The guy with the mic is a legend but very annoying. The last thing you want to hear in the middle of a 10k race is: "the runners should remember how many laps they've run because there's no one counting".

6. Goody Bag

I was worried about what was in the post race goody bag as the guy with the mic kept warning the juvenile parents that the bag was unsuitable for children. Turns out it was nothing more offensive than a packet of Seven Seas Active 55.

7. Job

I've never seen anyone get a job in the finishing pen of a cross country race. Michael Harrington finished just ahead of me, the guy with the mic was standing there on the mic saying "Michael Harrington coming through to finish" he then turned off the mic turns to Michael and says "Michael I hear you do a bit of glazing, I've a house down in Bantry, could you have a look at it next week?"

8. Leevale

The Leevale team is incredibly strong. I haven't a hope of being a scorer on the team. Total dominance. Junior men's race was ridiculous.

9. Marathon Recovery

I know I'm not supposed to be racing two weeks after a marathon but I feel fine. I probably should have taken three years off or whatever sports science says you should do but I like running too much.

10. 13 Races

I'm not running 13 cross country races this season. One every week is way too much. Four or five will be plenty. An rud is annamh is iontach. John Meade can translate/correct.

Berlin Marathon 2016

Ten things I think about the Berlin Marathon.

1. Long

26.2 miles is a long way, 42km almost seems less, the km markers break it up nicely.

2. More Mileage

I think I'm going to need more mileage at goal marathon pace to run much faster. The legs give up, not the breathing.

3. Japanese

Japanese runners are the most environmentally friendly runners in the world, one of the guys I was running with kept veering off course to put his water cups in the bin. Ridiculous when the course was covered in them. Probably thought the Germans would fine him for littering.

4. Water

The mouth rinsing trick works, I didn't drink a drop of water all race just rinsed with water. It tricks the brain into thinking you've drank. Works with Red Bull too.

5. Breakfast

Breakfast was 8 rice cakes with peanut butter and bananas. Perfect no stomach trouble, light and easy to digest. Much better than stodgy porridge. 3 coffees.

6. Looking Good

I caught up to a an old guy around halfway and ran alongside for a while, he said to me "you're looking good". Yeah I said, I got my haircut in Berlin yesterday.

7. Alcoholfrei

That alcohol free Erdinger at the finish is very nice. Good for rehydration. Not so good for the stomach.

8. Conor and John

Conor McCauley is a serious athlete. Getting the scalp of John O'Connell is a big achievement, John is as gritty as they come. It shows training pays off. Both of them ran 4-5 minute PBs, that's some improvement in one year. Mileage works.

9. On Empty

Doing long runs on empty the day after a Saturday workout definitely does prepare you for the last 6 miles of the marathon. It feels the exact same as the last 5 miles of a Sunday run.

10. Another One

I might just might do another marathon, perhaps...probably Berlin. It's very, very good.

Munster Intermediate XC 2016

1. Bus

Myself and Michael Creed got a nice bus from the GAA pitch where we parked, up to the course.

2. Numbers

Arrived at the offices (a tent in a farmers cow shed) to be told "there's no Leevale numbers". This wasn't true, they'd just been taken by the Leevale ladies team. 

Turns out the numbers were pointless anyway as they were blown off within about 5 minutes of the start.

3. Starting Time

All of a sudden it was decided that the junior men and intermediate women would run the same race. Time for a quick 5 minute warm up, unfortunately Tomas Kenefick had gone for a proper warm up and missed the start. 

4. How many laps do ye want to do

At the starters discretion there was a brief discussion about shortening the race because of the weather. We eventually persuaded them that we wanted to run 8k as that's what the race was supposed to be. I think everyone just wanted to go home.

5. Start

Fast start off down the hill into a tight corner. I tried to take it out hard but was passed by Darren and Alex O'Shea. I thought this was an unusual tactic for an Ultramarathoner so I just tucked in behind. Good decision. The Alex O'Shea fan club were vocal in their support throughout the race.

6. Course

The course itself was really well thought out, just a pity that the weather was apocalyptic, sheets of rain, wind and cold. A 2k lap with good hills and some nice open flat sections. One of the better courses.

7. Muck

Today's muck was different to the muck in Dundalk, while it was mucky it wasn't sticky so you could just about keep the legs turning over. Muck rating 9/10. 

8. Race

I adopted the Chris Mintern patented wheel sucking XC tactics for the race. I sat in behind Darren and tried to pass him on the downhills. In hindsight this was as pointless as a the Social Democrats election manifesto. Into the home straight Darren just kicked away. I never had hope despite finishing within 2 seconds of him.

9. Remember Your Numbers

The much sought after numbers had been blown away so had you had to remember your name and number crossing the line, otherwise you didn't count. This is challenging after 8k in the muck flat out.

10. GAA Facilities are Fantastic

Back to the GAA pitches for a hot shower after a warm down with Darren. The GAA have good showers.