Latsagien Itzulia 2017

10 Things I Think About the Latsagien Itzulia

1. Basque Carrigtwohill

I think Ustaritz is very like Carrigtwohill, the only reason you'd live there is because it's cheaper than living in Biarritz/Cork. It has lots of derelict apartments and a colossal old church. I didn't see any pharmaceutical companies so maybe it's different.

2. Dopage

I think that it's terrible that doping is illegal in France. For this reason I didn't bring my Ventolin with me as I was afraid of being arrested. I think this cost me some time in the race. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

3. Tolls

I think I'd be broke and eternally late if I lived in the Basque Country. They have tolls on the roads every 20km, they're as frequent as the food stops on the Ring of Kerry. The ones in Spain are manned by Spanish people which means there are long queues. In France, they are unmanned which means there are long queues because of English people who have no euros.

4. Hop Time

I think that John O'Connell would have approved of how early we arrived at the race. I don't think I've ever turned up 3 hours before the start of a race. I had to allow time for potential Spaining in France as the French have wierd laws about athletic events. You have to be certified by a doctor to run a small road race. They were happy with my Athletics Ireland card and the fact that I wasn't English, so I was allowed run. We used the spare time to visit the colossal church and watch a wierd combination of hurling, handball and quidditch.

5. Warm Up

I think that I was too confident after my warm up. I was convinced that I was going to win. There was nobody warming up. This normally means you are the only serious runner and are going to win. Then I got to the start and guys with legs far more shaved and tanned than me turned up. There was even a guy taller than me. This was scary.

6. Start

I don't think I've ever seen such a casual start. Thank god Clotilde taught me French so I could understand the start procedure. There was no line, just a casual countdown in French. There was lots of jumping the gun. No one cared.

7. Macron

I think Macron is right, French labour laws need reform. The start of the race was unlike anything I've ever seen. I tore off as I normally do. One guy came up beside me after a kilometre but didn't pass, then a whole group of Basques crowded around me. No one wanted to do any work. Eventually three tall tanned shaven legged guys appeared and formed some sort of trade union and agreed to work together. I was left in fourth with another bunch of Basques. I don't like trade unions.

8. The Mur

I don't think I've ever run up such a steep hill in a race. I hadn't really checked out the course before the race as I prefer not to known what's happening and I didn't understand Basque. The route itself was 50% trail, this wasn't advertised. After about 6km there was a wall of a climb, they seem to like throwing these into races abroad, I like it too. It wouldn't work in Ireland, people would complain. The hill was very hard.

9. A Gauche

I think I lost fourth place because of going the wrong way. Once we crested the top of the Mur we came to a junction. I went a droite, the Basques went a gauche. I quickly realised my mistake and turned around but I lost a few seconds, this was crucial as once I was away from the group of Basques a trade union was quickly formed and they suddenly started working together. I had no hope, perhaps trade unions are a good idea.

10. The Spread

I think the concept of an approximados race has spread to the Basque Country. The race was advertised as an 11km race, it was 10.3km last year over the same route. I think it was somewhere in the middle. I don't think it mattered. They had a lovely outdoor spread afterwards, apricots, prunes and fruit cake. I'm sure that there will be no complaints on the Basque version of the Cork Running blog. No one did a warm down except me. Macron will fix this.

Corkbeg 4 Mile 2017

10 Things I Think About The Corkbeg 4 Mile Road Race

1. Cricket

I think the madness is strong with me. I really shouldn't have run tonight but I just couldn't resist.  My impromptu cricket debut on Sunday night resulted in a slight ankle sprain. It's not bad but racing probably wasn't the most intelligent idea. I'll survive. I regret nothing. I'm not very good at cricket. 

2. Rice Cakes

I think that moving to Glanmire has increased my rice cake consumption dramatically. They really are the perfect pre race meal. They have no taste, you can eat lots of them and they don't leave any residue. A whole packet was probably too much this evening. The problem with living on your own is that you've no one to tell you that what you're eating is actually crazy. It's dangerous. I'll just start posting all my food on Instagram again, that way I'll know myself that it's mad. 

3. Cork City FC

I think I should have stayed on the Cork City bandwagon. I had a ticket for the match tonight but passed on it. This wasn't a good decision. I now have a cankle as a result. I'll get back on the bandwagon on Sunday. At least they won anyway. 

4. Warm Up

I think Anthony Mannix must have been fit to kill me after listening to 21 minutes of me whining about my ankle before the race. I think it worked though as all my whinging seemed to fix my ankle, it was perfect come the start of the race. Talking about your worries and problems works. I don't know how Anthony was feeling, I'm a talker not a listener.  

5. The Course

I don't think I'm ever going to run a fair course again. It's great fun running much faster than you are actually able to. People think you're great. The Corkbeg route is pretty fast, the first mile is up a hill but it's downhill from there. It does have a hairpin turn which is pretty unique, it's sort of like a cross country course on the road. Plus they've a BBQ afterwards.

6. Seanie's on Fire, Your Defence is Terrified

I think that you could have made a planet earth documentary about Sean McGraths execution of myself and Anthony tonight. We were all together after 1 mile, I was thinking this is great, I'm now able to run with Sean. Then the attacks began, I was first to be dispatched. I loved the way he deliberately picked up the pace enough to get rid of me but not Anthony. Then like a lion playing with an antelope he dispatched Anthony and disappeared off up the road. Great to watch, nice to know I'm still useless.

7. Don't Look Back in Anger

I think that the most horrible feeling in the world is the feeling of being chased. Once my dreams of winning had been shattered by Sean and Anthony I had to concentrate on protecting my podium position. I never looked back but I knew that Nigel was just behind me all the way. I could hear the footsteps all race. Thankfully it wasn't Ian O'Leary. Somehow I managed to keep the footsteps behind me until the finish. Perhaps I'm getting better.

8. You've Gotta Let the Big Dog Eat

I think that the dog at the finish line really wanted to eat me. Once I crossed the line I had to lie down on the ground because I was tired and it looks good to lie on the ground after a race. There was a big dog beside me who was very interested in me. I told the owner that the dog would be better off eating one of the slower runners. I felt bad about this but I don't think anyone heard me. 

9. Sunglasses

I think John Collins is right about sunglasses. I asked him if they wore them back when runners were actually good in Ireland. He said sunglasses were for girls. He's probably right.

10. Kettle

I don't think I've ever had such a bad case of prize envy. Sean McGrath got a lovely cordless vacuum cleaner for first place, a sort of cheap dyson knock off, but you know it would do the job. I'd only searched for a similar one on Amazon today. I had to settle for a Daewoo kettle. It came with the €18 price tag still on it. I asked Sean if he'd swap the hoover for the kettle but he didn't even dignify my question with a response. I already have a kettle. No man needs two kettles.

Willie Neenan 5 Mile 2017

10 Things I Think About The Willie Neenan 5 Mile 

1. Google Maps Lady

I think the road to Millstreet is one of the most beautiful dangerous roads in the world. The google maps lady has guided me safely in many countries but she seemed to be completely oblivious to many of the blind junctions on the L2751. She was silent from Rylane to Millstreet, that's very unlike her, she must have been scared. I was too.

2. 2am

I think working until 2am the night before a race is great preparation, especially when you get to sleep in until 1030am the next day. I was very fresh for the race. I had no breakfast just lunch.

3. Hop/Dinny

I think that I would have beaten John O'Connell tonight even if he hadn't withdrawn through crippling injury. I knew he was in trouble on Monday when he waited for me at the farm, this has never happened before. That's a sure fire sign of injury when you can't run solo. The "I'm doing a 10 minute tempo" while looking like Dinny from Glenroe didn't bode well on Tuesday. I knew he was finished after that. Poor Hop, he'll be back, I look forward to beating him again just like Donal Coffey.

4. Start Line

I think the sunglasses matching your singlet craze is catching on. Paul Moloney had a lovely pair of red Oakleys to match the red Mallow AC singlet. Carol Finn said that my sunglasses looked nice. This was important, before I thought I looked fantastic, now I knew I looked fantastic.

5. You Miss 100% of the Shots You Don't Take

I think Logan's piece of American wisdom is perfect. It can be applied to everything life throws at you. Just get a shot off. Today I applied it to the first mile. 5:03, it was a bit downhill I suppose. Still I don't think I missed this time.

6. The Pack

I think I belong in the pack at the front of the race. I felt at home clipping along with Conor, Eoin and Paul. Unfortunately I was evicted from my home as we passed over the railway line after about 2 miles as I could no longer pay my rent. I think the train was also responsible for the 815pm start. All the Kerrymen going home for Sunday.

7. Sorry

I think I owe Donal Coffey a public apology. My celebration after the race was completely inappropriate. My man hug was completely uncalled for, especially in Millstreet. There is absolutely no need to dance around like a boasting clown when you trash someone in their home town race. Having said that I really enjoy winning. Conor won the real race, to me this was irrelevant.

8. The Strawberry

I think that Wexford have implemented a state sponsored doping program. It's clear from the last few weeks that County Plan 1996 has been implemented. Those strawberry huts on the roadside are probably secret drug mules for the ex-pats in foreign counties, ingenious really. I didn't think it was possible to PB in virtually every race but Conor does. I suppose he is very good at minding himself. I'm jealous. I mind myself too but it doesn't work.

9. Tax Man

I think that I don't need to inform the tax man of the contents of the brown envelope that I received for 4th place. God it's a nice feeling to get money in a brown envelope. I think I'll apply for a job in FIFA or the IAAF.

10. Cullen

I think that the Spanish ham in Cullen is as good as any in Spain, what more could you ask for after a race than a few cerveza sin alcohol and some jamon Iberico. It was nice to bring the Willie Neenan trophy back to its true home, good practice for next year when Hop is back in full flow.

Shanagarry 5 Mile 2017

10 Things I Think About The Shanagarry 5 Mile Road Race

1. Club Shades

I think that club sunglasses are a money making opportunity. Last night I wore yellow framed sunglasses I bought in Ale-Hop in Malaga for €10. They matched my Leevale singlet perfectly or so Donal Coffey tells me.

2. Mileage Matters

I think it's a sign of madness when you worry that your 2 mile warm up is going to affect your weekly mileage because you normally run 10 miles a day and 2+5+2.5=9.5. I did 3 for the warm down just in case Strava wasn't happy. I like smooth graphs.

3. Marathon

I think that a positive effect of the marathon is that I'm not scared of blowing up in a race. If I finished a marathon I can surely hang on for 30 minutes flat out no matter what the pace. The marathon is also an excellent excuse for everything. "Ah sure you're only after a marathon." "You can't be recovered"

4. Start

I think that the starts of Ballycotton races are perfect, no nonsense music or random speeches by the local bishop, just a gun and some paint on the road.

5. Aerodynamics

I think the Leevale singlet needs a mid season aerodynamic upgrade package. It's very flappy. It catches the wind, I blame it for at least 5 seconds. That and the big huge A4 number. There would be no sub two hour marathon run in a Leevale singlet with a Ballycotton number no matter how many Teslas you had in front of you.

6. Fight Night

I don't think I've ever had a mid race fight before. I had a minor disagreement with Kieran Mckeown. He had come down with a serious case of ancraophobia. I've never seen someone with such a bad case. He was so scared of it, he had to hide behind someone all the way, I seemed to be the preferred object to hide behind as I'm huge. I suppose the wind is kind of scary and I do provide excellent protection. I'm definitely not an ancraophobe.

7. The Diamond League

I think it's a bit ridiculous to be racing, surging and wheel sucking when you're running along in 5th to 10th place miles behind the leaders in a small road race in East Cork. The Diamond League it ain't. It is fun to pretend I suppose. I did lose the battle and end up 10th so I probably need to get clever at racing and not just tow everyone around sheltering behind me like a big wind breaking fool.

8. Insanity

I think road racing is a form of insanity. I've been running the Shanagarry 5M since 2009 and my times have been 28:30 +\- 30 seconds. That's a lot of training and mileage for the same statistical result. Statistically speaking there is no significant difference between 2009 and 2017. Ah well I suppose it's fun. Insanity generally is.

9. Ooooh Look at Him

I think I impressed the local kids with my shades. All I heard coming back into Shanagarry was "Ooooh, look at him" and "buzzzzz", I don't know if this was horror or admiration but I presume it was the lovely yellow sunglasses which were matching my singlet.

10. The Choke Tackle

I think my version of the choke tackle on Kieran McKeown immediately after the race was a bad idea. I was only messing. I hope it wasn't taken too seriously. It's only a race after all, a bit of stress relief. There are far far more important things.

Grant Thornton 5k 2017

10 Things I Think About The Grant Thornton 5k

1. Lance Armstrong

I think I Alfie was right to accuse me of doping immediately after the race. Last Wednesday I ran a 5k in 25 minutes, tonight I ran just under 17 minutes. If I was a cyclist in the Tour de France they'd all be asking "What is he on?" What am I on? I'm on two puffs of ventolin before every race, it does the trick, that and few iron tablets, some vitamin D and a probiotic.

2. Big Shots

I don't think I've ever been referred to as a "big shot" before. Feidhlim Kelly announced my arrival to the start line like I was Mo Farah turning up to his local 5k. I suppose I did look fantastic. I waved as you do. Referring to me as a big shot is like calling the captain of the local Junior B football team a big shot, it was a confidence boost all the same. I suppose I am kind of a big shot.

3. Ingebrigtsen

I think that rule number one of all sports is that the most important thing is to look fantastic at all times. I think I accomplished this tonight.

4. Hawkers

I think that the reason I looked fantastic was because I purchased a pair of excellent white sunglasses in Malaga for €25. They're particularly fantastic. The white and blue is excellent. They suit the shape of my face very well.

5. Start

I don't think I've ever performed a Mexican wave one minute before the start. It did get the adrenaline going I suppose. I thought that as I was the local big shot I'd walk away with it. This thought didn't last long as two East Cork bigger shots took off up the road. Ah well, the junior B captain probably experiences the same thing when he tries to play intermediate football.

6. Drafting

I think the winner may have been helped by the motorbike that pretty much towed him around the course. Think Nibali in the Vuelta last year. Motordoping isn't just confined to cycling you know.

7. Style over Function

I think wearing sunglasses on a dreary night in Cork is not the best idea. Thankfully they filled in all the potholes down the Marina as I couldn't see much. I refused to remove the shades. Looking fantastic is much more important than a broken ankle.

8. Finish

I think that a 5k is so much better than a marathon. It's over so quickly. I barely even noticed it. I must do more. They're excellent.

9. Campione

I think that winning the team prize for the Gilead Gringos is great. We won by 15 seconds. Four people on the team, the team aspect of the event is brilliant. It's all about the fourth man. We got a lovely bowl. I wore my Berlin hat and Iceland jersey when I was collecting the bowl. I looked excellent again.

10. Debadification

I think that I have completed the debadification process quite well. One week is loads after a marathon. I'm fine.

The Week After The Cork City Marathon

10 Things I Think About the week after the Cork City Marathon

1. Debadification

I think running a marathon gives you very bad legs. On Monday I had Superbad legs, by Tuesday they were Too bad, by Wednesday they were less bad which tempted me back to running. This was not a good idea, I think I'd just gotten used to the presence of badness. The debadification has continued all week. I imagine it will take at least a week to eliminate all the badness.

2. Sleep

I think it's a very bad idea to stay up until 4am the night of the marathon. This may have contributed to the badness.

3. Theresa May

I think that running a marathon turns you into Theresa May. I had absolutely no interest in debating anything with anyone all week. I was a very grey creature with little or no energy and an illogical fear of stairs. I definitely wouldn't have done well in an election.

4. Peasant Wagons

I think peasant wagons are an excellent idea. It is however a very bad idea to try and run to catch a peasant wagon when you've just run a marathon. I blame my current calf niggle on this.

5. Next One?

I think I'm the only person who doesn't get annoyed when asked an hour after finishing the marathon, "when's your next one?" Seems like a perfectly logical question to ask someone who's having severe difficulty getting into and out of a chair.

6. Olivier Giroud

As part of the debadification process I jogged around the Belle of Ballincollig 5k wearing a pair of classy white sunglasses. I got asked by one of the local kids if I was Olivier Giroud. I took this as a compliment, I suppose I was moving very slowly with no chance of scoring but still looked absolutely fantastic.

7. Reverse Dieting

I think the concept of a reverse diet is a wonderful idea after a marathon. It involves deliberately eating more than you need to speed up recovery. Sports science can be used to justify anything.

8. Particle Size

I think I need to be lighter to run a fast marathon. The marathon is the best particle size analyser. It just filters out by size. I'm currently a big particle. I need to be a less big particle. Reverse dieting won't help this.

9. Lessons Learned

Like any good project manager I conducted an extensive lessons learned after the marathon. There were post its everywhere. I think I learned one main lesson. I think I need to run more marathon pace runs. I thought I learned this in Berlin last year butI think I forgot. Come to think of it this happens with most lessons learned.

10. Irish National Championships

I think it was a great idea to buy an entry to the Berlin marathon the morning after Cork. Berlin is not Cork. It will be good to run the national championships again.

Cork City Marathon 2017

10 Things I Think About The Cork City Marathon 

1. That Sounds like a Good Time

I think my mother's reaction to my time in the marathon sums it up best. "Well how'd the race go?" "2:49" "That sounds like a good time." It probably is.

2. Warm Up

I think a home marathon is less hassle but not as exciting as a marathon abroad. I got a nice 10 minute warm up in around the silent streets of Cork. I even had time for a flying trip to The Flying Enterprise, this was essential, as any landlord will know, an empty house is better than a bad lodger.

3. Trust him he's a Doctor

I think doctors make great pacers. I had the pleasure of running the first 12 miles with Ronan Boland. He was metronomic. In fact the marathon was going fine until he stopped.

4. Thomas The Tank Engine

I think I need to work on my mental resilience. I'm a very irritable person. On the old railway I let a group get a 20m gap as I just couldn't face 13 miles listening to that noise. Perhaps a new marginal gain for running could be ear plugs in your pocket.

5. John's Mouldy Warm Water

I think I'm too much of a water snob. I'm partial to a bit of aqua con gas, particularly San Pelegrino. John was kind enough to meet me with water every 5 miles. I don't know where he filled the bottle though as it was as mouldy as a pint of Paulaner in Spain. 

6. Swamp

Cork and Berlin both mean swamp (I learned this interesting fact on a city walk in Berlin) but that's where the similarities end. Cork is twisty and turny with these little drags that chip away at your legs. Cork is not a nice swamp.

7. Smiling or Grimacing

You'd think that the last mile of a marathon would be ok. I had great notions of covering the last mile in six minutes but I was tres bien cuit by 25 miles. I'd nothing left, majorly suffering. All I could do was smile and grimace down North Main Street like a fool after too many pints. 

8. George Hook

I think George Hook has a point about cyclists. I had the misfortune of having a weaving muppet on a bicycle for company on the narrow footpath out by the Mercy. I told him what I thought about him. I felt like an old crank at that stage anyway. 

9. Marco

I think Marco is a great training partner. I passed him at 22 miles. "Alright Marco" "My hip is goosed boi." I thought I'd never see him again but there he was right behind me at the finish. Those Tuesday 15 milers around the Blarney Trail worked. 

10. Walk Down

I think I wasn't in the best condition after the marathon. There was no warm down, just a walk down. I think I'll have to do more marathons. They're horrendously fantastic.

Being bored the night before the Cork City Marathon

10 Things I Think About being bored the night before the Cork City Marathon 

1. Weather

I'm very worried about the weather. The cork athletics website said there might be wind. I've never run in wind before, this will be very scary. To mitigate this risk I have shaved my legs so as to glide through the air like a formula one car.

2. Haircut 

I got my pre-race haircut in C4. I just showed the barber a picture of my €55 haircut. It only cost €15. It's not quite the same. Douglas isn't Berlin.

3. Tapering 

I absolutely detest tapering. It's terrible, you never feel tired, you can't eat as much food and you can't go for a second run in the evening. It's awful. Never again. 

4. Weight

I think I'm too heavy. 80kg is too much, I was 78kg at the start of the week. Tapering is terrible. If I tapered every week I'd be 134kg by Christmas.

5. Height

I think I'm too tall to be any good at running. Unfortunately I can't lose height. Perhaps a vitamin shop in Cork might have a supplement that would help me lose height to improve my running.

6. Equipment

The shoes I'm wearing tomorrow are absolutely knackered but I don't want to risk a new pair. I've gone through approximately 12 pairs of the Brooks Ghost 7 and I'm down to the last one. The new model is the 9. I don't like change, I skipped the 8 entirely. I'm sure they'll survive one final run. The shoes have London 2012 on them, that was a long time ago. Why do they have to change the bloody models, it was fine, leave it alone.

7. Nutrition 

I think my nutrition plan will be fine as it doesn't involve any nutrition. This is a good plan.

8. Hills

I've never run uphill in a marathon before as I've only ever run Berlin. This will be a new experience. I'm very worried as tall heavy objects don't travel well uphill.

9. Indefatigability
 
I have secured a lone of John Meade's indefatigability for Sunday. As a result I will spend the whole marathon effortlessly running 6 minute mile pace while telling interesting stories to anyone who happens to be running beside me. 

10. Despacito

I do have a plan for the first three miles and that is to do them relatively slowly.

Tapering for the Cork City Marathon

10 Things I Think About Tapering for the Cork City Marathon

1. Leaving Cert

The Cork City Marathon is a lot like the Leaving Cert. It's on the first week in June, you pray that the weather isn't hot, you're pretty sure of the questions that will be asked and you get lots of questionable advice from people on how best to approach it. The only real difference is that my mother couldn't care less how well I do in the marathon.

2. Laois Hire

I think those signs on the motorway warning about the impending traffic chaos as a result of the marathon are actually injury inducing. Every time I pass those signs I see the words "you're not running the marathon are you, you'll definitely get injured again like the last time you tried".

3. Religion

I think tapering is against my beliefs. The concept disagrees with me. I have similar beliefs to Trump, I think the human body only has so much energy, except I think you may as well make use of it while you're fit and healthy. If I can run, I'd rather run.

4. Kobe Beef

I think stress is responsible for most niggles and injuries, I'm not a very stressed person but sometimes you have to do stressful things. Apparently Kobe beef is so good because the animals have no stress. This is because they get fed beer, listen to music and get lots of massage. I think I'll do that this week, drink some beer, listen to music and get massage.

5. Niggle

I don't think a marathon would be complete without a career threatening injury or minor niggle. My injury/minor niggle involved my right hamstring taking on the properties of a guitar string. Of course I tried to run on it for two days which played on the tendons at the base of the hamstring. Thankfully a good massage removed the guitar string, unfortunately the tendons remain less than harmonious. They're getting happier every day so I'm not too worried.  I know I'm nearly better because the niggle is moving back to my left calf, in my experience this is the best place to store your niggle.

6. Disease

Disease is another potential threat to a marathon. I used always get a disease before exams. To protect myself from diseased people I have been taking a Yakult every morning and evening along with some more probiotics and Vitamin D. Salazar and Team Sky are always right. I also keep a bottle of hand sanitising gel in the door pocket of the car as you never know when you might meet a diseased person, more marginal gains.

7. Diet

I read that a lot of people use a carbohydrate depletion diet in the week before the marathon. I was tempted by this because it sounded mad and the people In the 1980s running book did it. Then I thought about it logically and realised that it makes no sense to do something you've never done before the week before a marathon, having said that I've never tapered before either.

8. Pace

I think whatever pace I run at will be either too fast or too slow. There are all sorts of pace calculators that you can use. Marco has one and McMillan too. I think I'll stick to the Donie Walsh pace calculator. This is not available on the Internet.

9. Gels

I think gels are a marginal gain that I can live without, I know they help but so do lots of things. I'd rather not end up like Tom Dumoulin at the Giro. Marginal gains can easily turn into major losses.

10.Jinxed

I've probably jinxed the marathon now by writing about it. I don't know why the marathon is so important. You know what, it's identical to the Leaving Cert, you can just do it again if you don't  get the result you want.

Pfizer 6 Mile Road Race 2017

10 Things I Think About The Pfizer 6 Mile

1. The Sacrifice

Today I felt like a GAA player. I would have loved a Green Safron Curry and a slice of pizza at the farmers market but my inner GAA player decided that this would not be a good idea. Instead I settled for a focaccia and salad. You have to make the sacrifice.

2. 5 miles

Someone saw me running 5 miles at work this morning. He met me at the race and said that I was mad. "Are you just jogging around tonight then?" Nah I'll give it a lash, "so all out then" ah no I'll just see how I feel. This confused him even more.

3. Doping Regime

I took my ventolin 20 minutes before the race. According to Twitter this means I'm a doper. I don't care. (I have a prescription)

4. Warm Up

Thanks to my doping the warm up was very easy. Perhaps Twitter is right.

5. Start

Thanks to the many miles and many beers in my favourite country (Spain not Germany) my legs were as fresh as a pint of Paulaner in an Irish bar in Malaga. It was like starting a car in 4th gear. It gets going eventually but it's not good for the clutch.

6. ACL

For some reason I spent the whole day worried that I'd torn my ACL in my right knee during the race on Sunday. This made no sense, my knee is perfect. I think it is because I listened to a podcast about Zlatan's knee while falling asleep last night and my brain was confused by the birthday can of IPA I drank before bed. I am not Zlatan.

7. Colder but Hotter

Ireland is very cold but for some reason you sweat more in Ireland than Spain. This doesn't make sense.

8. The Race

I'd a great battle with Brian Hegarty, I spent the whole last mile waiting for him to sprint by but it never happened. 4th place is good but no podium today. This makes me unhappy. I like podiums. I would have liked another bag of chickpeas too.

9. Farmers Tan

I don't know why the lads marshalling the finishing pen found my "oh jaysus, that nearly killed me" so funny. Perhaps they were laughing at my ridiculous farmers tan. I really should have worn singlets more in Spain. It looks like I'm wearing long brown gloves.

10. The Gardai

I got stopped by the Gardai on the drive home. They were checking for drink driving. I wasn't too worried. "You've been running I'd say" ah yeah, I ran a race in Cork, "Tracton" nah Ringaskiddy BHAA 6 miler "go on embarrass me what time" 33:50. "Jaysus, go on off you go". No breathalyser.The Gardai are sound. Runners must be trustworthy people.

Media Maraton Pirineo del la Costa De Sol Alfarnate 2017

10 Things I Think About The Media Maraton Pirineo del la Costa De Sol Alfarnate

1. Alfarnate

I think a holiday in Spain is incomplete without a trip to a small random road race in the absolute middle of nowhere. Alfarnate is to Malaga, what Donoughmore is to Cork City, about 30km away, at the top of a beautiful hill, full of old people who drink beer at 10am on a Sunday morning and pass away the day tormenting the local shopkeeper. It's real Spain.

2. Parking

I think there wasn't much thought given to the race parking. The streets of Alfarnate were designed to make it easy to defend from Catholic marauders not to accommodate Citroen rental cars with dodgy clutches. After many failed attempts we eventually found a "space" beside a bin which was guarded by wasps the size of birds.

3. Registration

I missed the online registration deadline for the race which meant we had to pay the exorbitant late entry fee of €15 (an extra €3). My Spanish was as good as the locals English which meant that we had no problem communicating. I just handed them my drivers license, John used his birth cert or some other old paper document hence the full name John Joseph O'Connell on the results. The goody bad had a bag of local artisan volcano shaped biscuits and a flyer. The biscuits go very well with a can of Aquarius.

4. Warmup

We had cut the 10am start time a bit tight as we had a late night watching Tony Adams attempt to manage a football team in Granada. I did 10 minutes out and back the road terrified that I'd miss the 10am start. I needn't have worried, they seemed to have forgotten that they had a full programme of juvenile road races to run off so there was a slight 30 minute delay. No one seemed to care, there is no stress in Alfarnate.

5. Start

Once the last of the juvenile races had been completed, we were ushered to the non existent start line. The race organisers then had a discussion about the route and decided that we would do a lap of the town and head out the road, well that's what the gesticulations looked like. I decided to just follow the group. As with all races in Spain the look of the runner does not correlate to the speed of the runner. All of the men shave their legs and look like retired Olympic 1500m champions from 1992. I think they just doped everyone in Spain back in 1992 and it's still working now.

6. John is going to kill me

I think John isn't going to trust me about any road races in Spain. I don't think he understands Spain. I had more or less said that it was a nice flat road race, grand for a fellow minding his knee and just looking for a long run. I didn't have any basis for this conclusion as the website was in Spanish and a bit out of date. After the first kilometre it was clear that this was not a normal Half Marathon. Once the lap of the town had been completed we were straight onto a dirt trail winding up the mountain. John doesn't like trails. The camber was bad too. I felt guilty.

7. Water

Spain is very hot, I was very worried about water stops however every 5k they had manned stations with my new favourite drink Aquarius and water. I just sipped the water and poured the bottle over my head. I snatched third place in the race by skipping the last water station, the local Alfarnative had to slow down to collect a bottle which allowed me to get a gap. This was my marginal gain for the day, strategic dehydration. Bet Team Sky never thought of that.

8. Finish

I felt really good for the last few km of the race, probably because I was lighter from strategic dehydration. The race finished through the narrow high walled streets of the town, there really is nothing better than running through a high walled street in Spain with people shouting "vamos bueno" and "venga venga". There wasn't really a finish line, I just got back to the start where they made me hug the guys in first and second before being handed a can of beautiful Aquarius. I was expecting to be waiting 15 minutes for John but a minute later he arrived smiling, "ah well you know, I couldn't have auld fellas beating me"

9. Podium

I think we need podiums at races in Cork. Constant sunshine, temperatures in the twenties and a limitless supply of Aquarius makes sitting around waiting for the podium a pleasure. They don't really do post race spreads in Spain, just lots of Aquarius. Aquarius is really nice. For some reason I got to stand on the podium twice. Once for finishing second in the senior category and once for finishing third overall. The more podiums the better. John even got a go for coming second M35.

10. Prizes

I think the prizes in Spain are much better than Cork, who wants €100 when you can get a lovely plaque and a sack of the local farmers finest product. I'm going to wait until I get home to open the sack. I'm sure it's good stuff.

Balintotis 4 Mile 2017

10 Things I Think about the Ballintotis 4 Mile

1. Not Killeagh

The best thing about Ballintotis is that you don’t have to drive through Killeagh to get to it.

2. Summer Evening Races

Its great to have the summer races back, its probably not the best preparation for a race to work all day, but it is a great way to spend the evening. It never seems to rain.

The only problem is trying to sleep after an 8pm race, I always get to sleep easily but then wake up at 3:14am wide awake. Its always 3:14 on the clock. I tried a beer this time but all the beer did was mean that I woke up at 3:14 feeling sick. This must be what its like to be old.

3. Roads

I’ve never been to North Korea, but if I had, I imagine I would think that North Korea has a better road network than East Cork. Cycling has the pave for Paris Roubaix, why can’t the bóithríns of Ballintotis be the same. They might have to take out a protection order like they do for the pave to maintain them in their un-maintained state. Although I severely doubt Cork County Council are going to do anything to them anytime soon. The potholed surface adds character, it would be a pity to lose it.

4. Organisation

I’ve never been to North Korea, but if I had I imagine that they would organise a road race with the same sort of military precision as they do in Ballintotis. Everything worked so smoothly despite the crumbling infrastructure. The race started exactly precisely on time, this is very unusual anywhere except Germany. They even had people line up based on estimated times and people actually obeyed. A really great race.

5. Race Flyers

I think the only time I ever look at race flyers is when I spend the entire journey home wondering at what speed they will remove themselves from the wiper blade. 120kph on the motorway takes care of most flyers, they vibrate furiously at 100kph. I still don't know what races they were promoting. Perhaps it's designed this way, someone in Fermoy is going to find one of those flyers and probably go to the race, ingenious really.

6. Shoes

I finally decided to try some sort of racing shoe. I normally just race in the big heavy Brooks Ghosts that I wear every other day. I think there’s less risk of injury wearing a big cushioned shoe as I'm a big lump but it doesn’t make it easy to get up on your toes. I bought a pair of the Brooks Launch, they're still not exactly racers but they are much lighter than the Ghosts. I can also put my insoles in them. I really don’t think it makes that much difference but at least you look like you’re racing, this is important.

7. Mileage

My main excuse is that I’m training for the marathon (Cork) and I am very tired and hungry. Mileage doesn’t make you faster (unless you take lots of drugs to recover). The first mile was horrible, the mind was willing but my legs were not. I got going after a mile and the last three actually felt good. The thing with training for a marathon is that is that it can be used as an explanation for every performance, if you run badly it’s because of the marathon training, if you run well it’s because of the marathon training. It's great really, I think I will always be training for a marathon.

8. Mile Splits

I’m not entirely sure that I trust the guys calling out the mile splits, I’m pretty sure everyone was told their first mile was 5:25.

9. Ian

I had the pleasure of racing (and being beaten by) Ian O’Leary over the last two miles. I can still hear his cadence, it is exactly 8 times faster than mine. It sounds like there are eight people running behind you all of whom are wearing Irish dancing shoes. All I learned is that in a sprint, twinkle toes is faster than a lumbering lump like myself. It's always good fun to race a club mate, it's not fun to be beaten. Next time I'll win the sprint.

10. Spread

I can’t comment on the quality of the spread as the queue was too long when I got back after the warm down. This must mean it was excellent. I don’t particularly like spreads anyway so I settled for a few slices of sourdough bread and olive oil when I got home, hipster recovery food.

Berlin

10 Things I Think about Berlin

1. Hipsters

Berlin is probably the hipster capital of the world, beards and coffee shops everywhere. Even the Russian taxi driver understood what a hipster was.

Eh...vot es hipster?

You know, beards and coffee.

Eh Yes heepsters.

2. Brunch

Flamingo Fresh Food down by the Bahnhof is the best place for breakfast, brunch or lunch. For some unknown reason German lunch starts at 11am so you need to get there early for breakfast. It has a never ending moving queue full of hipsters and business people but it's worth the wait. Great sandwiches and soup. Perfect coffee. Mohnkuchen is a very nice cake.

3. City Walks

City walks are a great way to see a city. A four hour tour of East Berlin sounds like it's too much but it flies by. Phil the Irish tour guide from Dublin was brilliant, you learn all sorts of things like why Hitler built the Berlin Wall.

4. Howard

Howard is a legend. He was manning the exit barriers from the half marathon. A very big man from Accra in Ghana. He started giving out to me for not speaking German while I was waiting for Conor to return the timing chip. He informed us that he had gotten up at 1am to drive from Bremen to earn some extra money to fund his Kenny G habit. His wife was not very happy about this, "Man someday I won't be here, it's very important to enjoy your life." "I love jazz especially Kenny G, but my wife, she ask, why you spend all your money on Kenny G".

5. Post Half Marathon Party

The main lesson I learned from the weekend is that the official post half marathon party is not as boring as you'd think. I always thought it would be a waste of time. Very wrong. It was on in the Puro-Sky Lounge. I even got a selfie with Masai, the winner of the men's race. Lots of dancing, however a disappointing absence of techno music. A fun game to play is where do you think I'm from, apparently I'm from Czech Republic.

6. Russian Bouncers

Russian Bouncers are possibly the scariest people on earth. The bouncer for the Puro-Sky Lounge was a 6'10 Russian. We dared to enter with our jackets on.

"You vill put zour jackets in"

"Yes, yes we will"

It could have been €50, you'd have put your jacket in, thankfully it was only €1.

7. Beer

Beer in Berlin is like ham in Spain, it's fantastic and there are lots of varieties. The Beer section in every shop is the same size as the ham section in Spain. It's fantastically cheap, they even do nice non-alcoholic versions and won't think you're ill if you ask for one. These are best consumed immediately after running, just like ham.

8. Hackenthals

An absolute gem of a German restaurant. 16th on trip advisor in Berlin. They had their own beer, a dunkel which tasted like a sweet Guinness, it was lovely. The ghoulash and apple strudel was incredible, I don't think there's much better. Very good value, free Polish vodka if it's your birthday, just don't mention Brexit to the Dundeers sitting next to you.

9. Not Spain

Everything works in Berlin, you won't wait pointlessly in a supermarket queue. You won't wait long for a U-bahn. It's definitely not like Spain. Although if you walk down the street in a Real Betis jersey people will shout "Betis, Betis" at you. Secretly I think they'd like to be Spanish, it's more fun.

10. €55

It will cost you €55 for a haircut in Berlin, it will be a very nice haircut and take almost two hours. They will wash your hair and spin you around in the chair randomly. They will only cut the sides. Kenny G will be playing in the background. Howard would approve.

Berlin Half Marathon

10 Things About the Berlin Half Marathon

1. Elites and Blaggers

We had the fortune to meet Seán Hehir at Dublin airport, what a nice guy. When we arrived in Berlin we entered the arrivals hall where Heiko from the race organisation was waiting to transport Sean to his hotel. Sean kindly asked if we could hitch a lift to our AirBnB. Heiko said it was no problem as he was going to Mitte to meet his girlfriend anyway. Blagging works. Nice Peugeot SW to transport us to the door. Heiko asked which one of the three of us was the fastest. I took this as a compliment.

2. AirBnB

Conor and I had booked an AirBnB in Mitte (think C4 in Cork or D4 in Dublin). Lovely new IKEA'd apartment with tall ceilings, white walls and a lovely balcony, perfect for having breakfast in the sun. Berlin is nice. I could live here, hipsters everywhere.

3. Expo

We got the U-bahn down to the Expo on Saturday evening. Not being a fan of public transport in general I just followed Conor. I could be converted. It kind of works in Germany. I haven't seen any strikes.

4. Massage

The Expo was pretty much the same as the full marathon expo lots of randomness that you'd never buy anywhere else. There was was,one good stall where they were selling Bosnia Herzegovina and Croatia t-shirts for €5, I bought three. I don't know why but you feel obliged to spend money at these things, it's sort of like the ploughing match for farmers, where they just have to buy that independent suspension trailer despite having one already. I then found the massage tent where they were offering 20 minutes of massage for €15. I told Conor I'd only be 20 minutes. 50 minutes later (Conor says it was more like an hour) I emerged fully refreshed, slight calf niggle sorted. I just kept talking to the masseuse and he kept working. Blagging works.

5. Donie Walsh and Salazar

We spent the evening before the race with a beer watching YouTube videos of Donie Walsh at the Munich Olympics and Alberto Salazar's duel in the sun. Inspirational stuff. I'm sure this has never been done before. The beer normally helps avoid the cursed broken sleep.

6. Warm Up

The AirBnB was about 3 miles from the start, perfect warm up. I woke at 730 after a broken sleep. Broken sleep is an awful curse, I'd hate to be old. On the jog down to the start we met this really serious German runner, I tried to start a conversation but he was having none of it, very angry man. At the first junction he deliberately went the wrong direct just to avoid us. God am I that annoying. I mean I didn't even get a chance to go on a rant about doping.

7. Shaved Legs

The start was a mix of Ballycotton and Berlin Marathon, they had an A pen, but this was anything up to 1:30, it was pretty packed. The one main difference between Ballycotton and the Berlin Half is shaved legs. 90% of the men had shaved legs. There were a lot of hairy backs, a hairy back (very hairy) and shaved legs makes no sense.

8. Start

The start of the race is the exact same as Ballycotton, the local (whatever the Berlin equivalent of a GAA player is, decides that the best way to break his 1:35 Half Marathon PB is to run the opening mile in 5:20. A complete caramboulage. Didn't think the Germans would do chaos, considering that when you J walk all you hear is entschuldigung. Anyway it eventually thins out after about 2 km.

9. Course

The course is pretty perfect, flatter than the farm. First 9 km is arrow straight, there was a subtle breeze but by Irish standards it was still. I ran well enough but the wheels came off towards the finish. The angry German from the warm up passed me at 20km, I really wanted to catch up and crush him but try as I might I couldn't, the tank was empty. Conor ran a fantastic PB for the half marathon, he will have to stop improving, it's very unfair.

10. Medical Tent/Sauna

I ended up in the medical tent or sauna after the race. I did a wobbler at the finish line, the normal XC thing although a bit more. I thought they'd have known that the worst thing you could do with an Irish man after a warm race is to heat him up even more by putting him in a tent. Anyway I recovered quickly, chatting away to the German girl who had the misfortune of treating me. I think she thought I was trying to chat her up, her supervisor wasn't very impressed. Apparently they're not supposed to talk to us in Germany, I told her it was normal in Ireland, she liked that.

Ballycotton 10 2017

10 Things I Think About The Ballycotton 10

1. Wind

"Ní hé lá na gaoithe lá na ras."

So foul and fair a day I have not seen. Beautiful sunny day but a with a malevolent northerly wind, very unusual for Ballycotton. The wind was that spirit crushing kind you get on a bike. I haven't experienced such misery since climbing the Vee on a bike. That evil sort of wind that makes you think your brake is rubbing. Not a day for big tall lump like me, no shelter, although quite a few people took shelter behind me.

2. Quaint

Ballycotton is a beautiful quaint village, 3000 people is not a quaint number of people. I prefer the small 5 mile races, much more character. If you hang around afterwards the quaintness returns, perhaps the wind blew it out to sea.

3. Excuses

Any good athlete has a ready made list of excuses like "those testosterone patches were just a delivery error" or "the jiffy bag contained fluimucil definitely not triamcinalone". Mine was five weeks missed training with a torn post tib tendon. Unlike Team Sky I think my excuse might stand up to scrutiny by a House of Commons committee. I hope they call me.

4. Swedish House Mafia

I spent the hour before the race reading the Sunday Times in the car trying to psych myself up. It didn't work. I really should stop reading David Walsh's column.

5. Elites

I don't know why I didn't even try and blag my way into the elite entry pen. I'm not elite but that didn't seem to be important. I'm normally better at blagging. If you can blag your way into an airport lounge, the start line of ballycotton should be a piece of cake.

6. Start

The start of Ballycotton is an exercise in running restraint, you know you shouldn't be running too fast but it's extremely disconcerting to be overtaken by the full forward line of the local GAA team. I think I caught them.....eventually.

7. First Mile

I dislike the way they call out the splits. All I heard was "that's not very good, is it?" Not a good sign.

8. White Dog vs Black Dog

The black dog on my right shoulder was having a serious disagreement with the white dog on my left shoulder all race. Very nasty that black dog, he had the poor white dog by the throat out around Ballymaloe, I thought he was going to kill him. He doesn't say anything during the cross country, he must like the grass.

9. Finish

With the malevolent wind at your back the finish wasn't too bad. I was more happy to be not be listening to the black dog anymore. The white dog is much nicer, pity he was so quiet today.

10. T-Shirt and Mug.

Sure how bad. There are worse ways to spend a Sunday. It's just that much like Macbeth, If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well It were done quickly".

Cork Coffee Weekend

10 Things I Think about Cork Coffee Weekend

1. Hipsters

Does going to Cork Coffee Weekend make you a hipster? John Meade was going so it probably does, seeing as he virtually lives in the Triskel.

2. Dress Code

Not sure I was appropriately dressed for the occasion, white Nike runners, tracksuit bottoms, a yellow Leevale jacket and a red Sevilla jersey did not exactly match the hipster dress code (or maybe it did). The camogie playing barista at Alchemy had a lovely red square peaked baseball hat which I felt might hipsterize my outfit. I asked her for one but she only had a black regular cap. Ian O'Leary was more than happy to accept the free gift. I ordered the red one off the internet later.

3. Alchemy

In Alchemy I learned that I've been making aeropress coffee all wrong. Who'd have thought that you're not actually supposed to follow the instructions. It's supposed to be inverted, 16g of fine ground coffee added then slowly filled with water. I also learned that Avonmore milk is the best.

4. Flat White/Cappuccino/Latte

Apparently in Alchemy all three are the same. This is very confusing. I ordered two just to check. It's true. It may also be true that in Italy its illegal to drink cappuccino after 11am. Cork Coffee Roasters do differentiate between Flat Whites and Cappuccinos, is this important? Perhaps. Coffee is very confusing.

5. Lovely Hurling

Baristas can play hurling on Barrack Street on their break. It helps if Ainle Ó is around.

6. Cork Coffee Roasters

Here I learned that Starbucks serve horrendous coffee. I already knew this, but much like Facebook it's nice to have your opinion reinforced. They had a lovely miniature coffee roaster setup outside the shop which reminded me too much of the machines at work.

7. Molten Toffee

Molten Toffee is the cockney slang for a coffee, it's also a ridiculously good coffee cocktail at Orso. Salted caramel, coffee and Tia Maria. What could possibly go wrong.

8. Orso

Orso put on the best show. Free cocktails, coffee and chocolate. Yuliyan should have his own TV show. He must be the only Bulgarian who can speak as gaeilge. Definitely the best Irish Coffee I've seen and tasted. Unfortunately I didn't win the free barista class.

9. Alchemy 2

Alchemy 2 (yes there are 2) had coffee tasting, I couldn't tell the difference between any of them which probably means I'm not a hipster. That or I'd had too much coffee.

10. Filter

Rather aptly the coffee journey ended at Filter just like all coffee. Filter is very small. There was no way all those people were going to fit inside. I slept very well.

Banna

10 Things I Think About Banna

1. Banna

I didn't think I'd like Banna as much as I did, I had images of a combination of Youghal and Trabolgan. It's nothing like that. I wish could do 5 miles on that beach every morning. Stunning. Even the weather co-operated.

2. Houses

I think the holiday homes were a pleasant surprise. They don't look the best on the outside but inside they are really well kitted out with good beds. The lack of mobile coverage meant we had to actually talk to each other rather than just stare at our phones. Who'd have thought you could pass an evening talking about the price of a Skoda Octavia.

3. Session

I think I'm not designed for running on sand dunes. The Saturday session was 4x10 minutes around the dunes. I'm not blessed with twinkle toes so a rabbit hole riddled trail was never going to suit. Great fun all the same, very different to running around the farm. Good for the ankles.

4. Food

I think Kate Browne's bar is a great little restaurant. As we had the misfortune of not being assigned a house with the masterchef Terry, we had dinner in Ardfert. French Onion Soup, Sea Bass and Pear and Almond Tart were all really good. It's a great spot. I still don't know what was on the menu Chez Terry.

5. The Pub

I think it's a good idea to wear sunglasses and a trump hat indoors in a pub in Ardfert.

6. The DJ

I think the DJ in Ardfert needs a new setlist, I haven't heard both versions of Maniac in a long long time, I'd be quite happy to never hear them again, at least he played John O'Connell's new favourite band the Script.

7. Dancing

I think I need to practice my dancing if I'm ever to approach Tim Crowley levels of excellence, that man can dance. My dancing technique involved jumping with my hands in the air, I'm sure it looked fantastic especially with the trump hat and sunglasses. My arms were very sore in the morning.

8. Marauders

I don't think I've been in a house that has been invaded at 2am by marauders since college. I think they just wanted my sunglasses and trump hat, they seemed to be happy and leave once they had retrieved them. Marauders are quite scary. Thankfully I got my hat and shades back in the morning.

9. The Long Run

I think the 20 miles out around Kerry Head is wonderful, stunning scenery, lots of hills and very few cars. It's a bloody hard route, which was made even harder by John insisting on getting every hill over with quickly.

10. Going Home

I don't think there is a better way to spend a weekend in January. It's pretty perfect.

Seville

10 Things I Think About Seville

1. Spained

I think "Spaining" is an inevitable part of any holiday in Spain. "Spaining" is any delay, inaccuracy or inconvenience that happens when in Spain. It is a cyclical process. The waiter or shopkeeper who is "Spaining" you is also being "Spained" by a fellow Spaniard. Their car park was probably too small to get out of or the button that opens the washing machine was missing. That is the reason why they haven't brought you your beer or have decided to close all of the checkouts in the supermarket. It's not some personal vendetta. The best way to deal with "Spaining" is to embrace it and enjoy the experience,it's not malicious and by the end of the holiday you will look forward to it each day.

2. AirBnB

I think the AirBnB was beautiful, a four bedroom apartment about a 10 minute walk from the centre. The owner liked art, particularly religious art. The walls were crowded in paintings. My bedroom was like a shrine from Knock. I felt very safe and holy. We never got around to doing our own paintings, I'm sure they would have been appreciated. The car park improved my driving skills no end, not sure it did much for the clutch of the rental car.

3. Running

I think Seville is a great city for running. It's not that big but thanks to the numerous white elephant sports facilities and expo parks there are lots of safe off road running paths. The wide promenade along by the river was perfect for sessions. The city also has a great network of two way bicycle paths which are ideal for running on. The cobbled streets aren't great for running but it's good for ankle strength.

4. Bread, Olive Oil and Iberico Ham

I think that fresh bread, olive oil and ham is the perfect fuel for running. It's perfect for breakfast lunch and dinner. It's also good as a snack. I like Iberico ham a lot.

5. Fluimucil

I don't think Fluimucil was in the jiffy bag. Inspired by the contents of Bradley Wiggins's jiffy bag I was anxious to try out this Team Sky marginal gain. It was a major disappointment. Fluimucil is everywhere in Spanish pharmacies, it's just a decongestant that Spanish people use when they get a headcold. I bought a few boxes just in case. It had nothing to do with the sub 3:00 minute km pace that the race results in Chipiona credited us with. That was Spain. I do think that it cleared my headcold.

6. "We don't have"

I think that it is a perfectly acceptable practice in Spain to offer a person an extensive menu of tapas, give them 20 minutes to choose and then when they order, reply "we don't have". This will be repeated for all of the nice sounding dishes on the menu. It's clever when you think about it.

7. Cod

I don't think I've ever seen someone order Cod with vegetables and then receive a plate containing no Cod.

Peak "Spaining".

8. Top 3 Restaurants

1. El Traga, best waiter in Spain, best steak and best Sangria.

2. Veloute, just across the road from the AirBnB. Great mini burgers, Hierbas is a nice digestif.

3. Los Palillos, Japanese beef curry was the best dish I ate (almost as good as bread ham and olive oil).

Honourable mention, Meson Guadalquivir home of the black pudding Irish breakfast tapas that fuelled Michael Herlihy to victory in Chipiona.

Worst Restaurant, Tribeca, where John got codded.

9. Meal Times

I think it is impossible to eat in Spain between 5pm and 830pm. Every restaurant closes at 5pm, just as all the foreign tourists are getting hungry. This could be deliberate I'm not sure. If you get to 5pm and are hungry it's going to be a long evening unless you've stocked up on ham bread and olive oil or failing that a box of cornettos.

10. New Years Eve

I think New Years Eve in Seville was unusual. The Sevillians only start to go out at midnight to eat their grapes. Every restaurant is closed. We left the apartment just before midnight and wandered down into the centre anticipating some sort of countdown or fireworks. A huge crowd had gathered in the square to celebrate New Years. Then the clock hit midnight...nothing, this is Spain we thought, it might just be late. The fireworks never did go off, they'll probably go off some day next week, it being Spain no one will care.

San Silvestre Seville

10 Things I Think about the San Silvestre Seville

1. Spained

Myself and John entered the race online the night before for €15 which included a nice t-shirt. The entry fee had increased from €10 earlier in the week. When we got to the entry desk to collect our numbers, our names were absent from the list. Anticipating a bout of spaining we had our confirmatory emails. We showed our emails to the nice Spanish ladies who after gesticulating and kissing each other randomly for about 15 minutes produced two numbers and two t-shirts. Problem solved. Spain is great.

2. Race Prep

We weren't really targeting this race. We did our normal session in the morning and then had a big feed of tapas. By 6 o'clock we weren't exactly in peak condition for racing.

3. Race Gear

The San Silvestre races are as much a novelty costume race as anything else, entrants included a team of roman soldiers, a set of christmas decorations and a fairy. I wore my "Shteak Spuds and Pull Like a Dog" Hairy Baby T-Shirt along with my new cheap dodgy sunglasses. I don't think this qualified as a costume.

4. Route

This is Spain, the race was advertised as "approximados 5k" I think this translates as any distance except 5k. God only knows why it couldn't have been exactly 5k as they had a traffic cone at one end of the course which could just have been moved to make the correct distance. One thing I've learned is that the Spanish aren't big on accuracy. It ended up being 5.5k. Ah sure how bad. They chip timed it for some mad reason.

5. Start Line

At the start they had the most stereotypical charismatic Spanish MC on duty to whip up the crowd, think Cork cross country races just Spanish. Knowing my territory, I wandered over to him and said something about being Irish. This made him very happy (indicated by gesticulation) so he handed me the microphone. I advised everyone to "Pull like a Dog". Sinead, Conor and John found it funny not so sure about the Spaniards.

6. Start

As with all races in Spain everyone of the 2000 entrants including the costumes looked like elite athletes who had been hot housed for many years in preparation for this race. The charismatic Spanish MC counted us down and off we took at far too fast a pace.

7. The Race

I had planned to run the race with Conor and John pacing Sinead however that plan didn't last long due to the adrenaline coursing through my body from my prerace MC duties. I was hoping that the course would be "approximados" less than 5k and I'd be able to be brag about my 14min 5k in Spain (fuelled by fluimucil) however it ended up being an 18:30 5.5k. At the end we all received a lovely goody bag which as you would expect in Seville contained an orange and a bottle of water.

8. "Elle" Campione

This week has been a good week for Irish athletes in Spain, Conor's sister Sinead who only arrived this morning was perfectly paced around the course by John and Conor to win the women's road race in a dramatic sprint finish. I did apologise for neglecting my pacing duties but I was confident in John's stamping driving any competition insane.

9. The Prize Giving

The prize giving was conducted by the charismatic Spanish MC. What a voice that man has. Approving of my pre race speech about dogs he again offered me the microphone. Full of post race adrenaline I started waffling thanking the people of Seville for their wonderful road race. I then congratulated Conor's sister who's name had been replaced in my brain by Claire Lambe the Olympic rower. The Spaniards didn't notice, this MCing crack is hard work.

10. Prizes

My favourite food so far in Spain is ham, Spanish ham is astoundingly good. For some reason second place in each category received a huge leg of ham. God that ham looked good, I wish I had finished second. Sinead got a lovely prize of a holiday in Malaga, for some reason the race organisers took my phone number, I think the charismatic Spanish MC might need an apprentice. Maybe I won't come home, I hear MCing pays well.

San Silvestre Chipiona

10 Things I Think about the San Silvestre Chipiona

1. Chipiona

Chipiona is a small seaside village about 100km south of Seville, think a hot Youghal. According to John's old book it has a tall lighthouse. We didn't see any lighthouse.

2. Race Registration

Race registration was a difficult process, welcome to Spain. Information on the race was confined to a single picture on the Sevillian equivalent of the corkrunning blog. We managed to enter on line for €7 which included a race T-shirt. Michael managed to enter a different race in a similarly named town. Thankfully I had also emailed the race organiser who entered us again so we had duplicate entries. Michael Herlihy was Donal Coakley for the night. The Spaniards saw nothing suspicious in this.

3. Juvenile Races

When we arrived, juvenile road races were taking place on the finishing straight of the road race route. Great to see kids racing before the adults. A lot more enjoyable for the kids than being forced to run through muck and potholes in a field in West Kerry.

4. T-Shirts

Our €7 entry fee included a free t-shirt. I asked for a medium, I got a large. If you asked for a small you also got a large. This is called being "spained". T-shirts came in many colours.

I'm sure the sevillerunning blog is alive with posts about the t-shirts.

5. Start Time

To avoid the likelihood of being "spained" by the race starting early (or late) we asked two local runners what time the race started. 620 we were told, it started at 615 exactly as advertised. Welcome to Spain. Thankfully we ignored the advice and got to the start well in advance.

6. Start

Over 400 runners lined up on the start, at least 390 of them looked like they were capable of running a 4 minute mile. Even the masters athletes looked fast. There was even a guy who looked more Irish than us, think Canelo Alvarez, red-red hair. The gun went at precisely 615 just as the sun was setting, off the Spaniards sprinted at about 4 minute mile pace.

7. 1st Mile

The start was stupidly fast, Michael got to the front ahead of all the Spaniards, I don't think they thought he'd last. After a minute or two they sat back in a group shouting "tranquillo, tranquillo". Michael didn't listen and continued to clip along at 5 minute miles. Conor and John ran along in the tranquillo group at about 5:20 mile pace. I hung on as best I could.

8. The Course

The race was advertised as 6.2km. It was around that, this being Spain, flat as a pancake right through the narrow walled streets of Chipiona. We had to turn around a traffic cone at one stage but other than that it was fantastic. Really atmospheric, it started in fading sunlight and finished in the dark. Take note Irish road races.

9. The Finish

Michael finished well clear of the chasing pack of spaniards to take become the champione of Chipiona in a new course record. I just pipped John in a dramatic sprint finish, John pleaded that he thought we'd to do another lap, however John didn't realise that Spain is a jungle and he'd just been spained.

10. Prize Giving

The awards ceremony was just as drawn out as back home, the juveniles were presented with their trophies first which meant a good long wait for Mike, the new hero of Chipiona. There were no tea and sandwiches, just roasted chestnuts. The only way of letting the spaniards know where we were from was to make a walking action and say Robert Heffernan, then they'd nod approvingly. Spain, what a place.